'AITA for telling a friend's boyfriend that he can’t have a traditional wife because he’s not a traditional man?' UPDATED
"AITA for telling a friend's boyfriend that he can’t have a traditional wife because he’s not a traditional man?"
I 25F was hanging with some friends and their significant others last week. To make a long story short my friends boyfriend kept talking about how women no longer want to be traditional wives and that’s why many of them are single.
I responded that in 2025 women don’t feel like they need a man in order to provide the lives that they want for themselves. He kept going on about what women used to do and how they were all about taking care of their husbands and household without complaining.
I let it go on for a while but I got tired of hearing his rant and told him that he can’t have a traditional wife when my friend goes 50/50 on all the bills with him and works more hours than he does.
I continued with by saying he isn’t a traditional husband and can’t provide for his household like he’s supposed to, so that my friend can stay home and do those “traditional duties.”
I may have become the AH when I told him that it sounds like he wants another mommy and not a wife. It became silent, and he told me that my way of thinking proved his point.
The conversation pivoted elsewhere and I thought that was it but I got a message from my friend saying that her boyfriend was upset at me for what I said and I embarrassed him.
He wants me to apologize but I don’t think that I should have to being as though I was responding to his rant about traditional women. My friend said she doesn’t think I’m wrong but doesn’t think I’m right either, and I should’ve just let him talk because he had a few drinks. AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
So he gets to have an opinion and you don't? NTA. He's hurt because he got proven he's a hypocrite. Don't apologize.
Oh my lawd that comment "what your saying proves my point" like......what point is that?? Women should be subservient, obedient little butter churning baby making puppets? Haha these Andrew Taint wannabes are so cringe worthy. I'm glad he got put in his place.
Tell him you're sorry he's still a baby on the bosom and that he proved your point by making his mommy stand up to you for him. NTA but you're surrounded by them. No one should have let him get more than a couple of sentences into that BS.
NTA, but the mommy comment was a miss. It allowed him to bypass the actual, important point. Which is that if you want a traditional wife, you gotta be able to financially provide for one. You said that, too, but he got to brush it off by focusing on the mommy insult. Make the winning point and stop.
yftdddtf (OP)
I can see that. I think that I was a bit fed up with what he was saying. It’s almost as if he wanted to get a reaction out of us and unfortunately I fell for it.
NTA. Tell him a traditional man wouldn't be so soft and have his feelings hurt or be embarrassed. He needs to man up and grow a set and stop thinking it's 1950.
NTA - many women didn't complain because it was met with a slap to the face, nor could women have their own bank accounts or car loans without a struggle if they didn't have a husband. This guy is a C L O W N and your friend should watch out for this loser she's dating.
I like how younger women are calling guys out on the reality of life. Those of us older gals worked 50 hour plus weeks and did just about everything around the house to take care of our families, and it got us nothing but lazy spouses.
This trad wife fantasy is just that—a fantasy. Unless a man can make enough money to support the entire family, he needs to respect his wife’s many contributions AND contribute to running the household.
Most men just want to watch TV, play video games, or chill out with their friends after work. They have no concept of how much it takes to run a household. I don’t blame you for speaking up! 👏
The next day, the OP returned with an update.
I called my friend to try and understand why her boyfriend was “embarrassed” and why she was trying to be Switzerland in the situation. She explained that I’m her friend, and although she doesn’t disagree with what I said, she feels like she needs to have her man’s back as well.
I told her that she doesn’t have my back by asking me to apologize to him and not standing up for me or at the very least telling him that what he was saying was idiotic. We talked for about an hour, and I actually feel like it didn’t get anywhere.
I told her that I would not apologize and that he can’t come around me anymore, and she was very upset with that statement. I feel like I lost a close friend, and that hurts a lot, but I will not be disrespected. Sorry this isn’t some juicy stuff, but I wanted to update everyone on how the situation ended.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
These manfluencer podcasters are ruining an entire generation of men with their idiotic takes on relationships. To the poster’s point - nothing wrong with wanting a traditional wife/relationship. But then the man has to live up to their end of the bargain - 100% of the financial contribution, all of the physical labor (I.e. landscaping, repairs etc.)
Red pill brain poisoned a lot of men into thinking that men didn't contribute anything to the household back in "traditional" days. It's literally just "I want mommy" these days.
The commenter that was talking about how she shouldn’t have made the “mommy” comment annoyed me. I’m so tired of the “take the high road” BS when people say wildly offensive trash.
This isn’t a high school debate class, and I’m so done with the idea that I should have to convince through debate and persuasion things like “women shouldn’t just be bang-maids” and “people deserve human rights”.
The friend is an idiot. Seriously why tf would op' friend date such a guy? And men are just clowns these days. They want 1960s housewife without being that househusband. Do you have a home and enough money to pay all the bills?
Good on Op. Adhered to her principles and kept her self respect strong. Some people aren't trapped by terrible partners they want to be there. And in turn become rather trash humans themselves.
They expect friends and family to accept the bs they happily endure without ever considering that no one else is in love or limerence but them. And they themselves are not special enough to warrant being mistreated. Her friend was a bad friend, doesn't change the hurt Op has to face in her loss.