'AITA for telling my friends they're not doing enough with their lives?'
"AITA for telling my friends they're not doing enough with their lives?"
Just for a bit of context, I'm a fourth year college student graduating in the spring, home for winter break and my two best friends both work minimum wage jobs averaging about 20-25 hours a week.
While home, I've been visiting my best friends (since middle school) and every time we meet it's almost always the same thing (smoke, laugh, eat, go home) don't get me wrong I LOVE seeing them and they're truly some of my closest friends, but since high school they haven't really done anything with their lives...
They both still live at home with their parents (which hey, me too during breaks and in this economy save your money) but neither have any substantial savings or goals. While the savings bit isn't a problem necessarily (ehhh) the lack of goals and ambition is starting to annoy me more and more.
The thing that I keep coming back to is when I talk about my future (I'm applying to PhD programs) and they tell me they want to move out and move in with me. I hype them up and get excited (I've always dreamed of living with these best friends) and then ask what their plan is to be able to afford where we're going to live and immediately the conversation ends or turns awkward....
While one of them talks about wanting to be a para at a school (which the state we live in offers the classes and certification for free during a 10-week at night program) she hasn't done anything to start and every time I mention it she says she got stuck doing the registration...
(While I've offered to help she brushes me off saying she'll figure it out...mind you it's been four years) my other friend doesn't say anything...at all. Don't get me wrong they've talked about wanting a future and not wanting to stay at the jobs they're in right now but they never act on it and really only complain...
While it was never a problem before, as I'm applying to phd programs and jobs post grad I need to get more serious about things like where I'll be living, expenses, etc and them half agreeing and then pulling back is starting to seriously annoy me.
I know I can't force them to do anything they don't want to do but I see so much potential in them and don't want to lose them as friends...Therefore, I was thinking of just straight up talking to them one-on-one about how our lives needs to evolve beyond what we're doing now...
How they need to step out into the world and how they need to do something with their lives but I'm scared to come across like an ahole. AITA for needing to have that conversation with my friends even if it means that I stop being friends with them if they don't change?
p.s upon writing this out I think a bit of my annoyance comes from jealously that I've "had to do hard things, why can't they" but another part of me feels like they're genuinely self sabotaging themselves and won't change unless they get pushed to I don't know anymore.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
testingguy67 said:
YTA, hey man! Guess what! It's none of your business. Stop telling your friends how to live their lives. You are not the boss of anyone and the world does not revolve around you. If they have the resolve to improve their situation, they will do so and certainly don't need a lecture from someone as stuck up as you sound. Good lord.
General-Toe-8686 said:
NTA. You have outgrown these friendships. Some people are to lazy to grow up and become independent.
Individual_Check_442 said:
YTA. Friends often drift apart if that’s what happened that’s what happened. If you don’t want to be friends with them don’t. You don’t have to be a condescending elitist ahole. And why does what they do “seriously annoy you." Are you their parent?
Suspicious_Juice717 said:
NTA. As someone who carried a lot of dead weight friends her whole life, dump them. You need someone who can be there for you, support you, cheer you on, share trips and life events with, etc. It seems shitty and classist but really pretty soon they’re feel entitled to your nice new car, or vacation house, they won’t be able to help with weddings plans or afford to be in it. Move on. I wish I did it 20 years ago.
SuspiciousCod1090 said:
YTA. It's none of your business.
General-Toe-8686 said:
NTA. You have outgrown these friendships. Some people are to lazy to grow up and become independent.
Suspicious_Juice717 said:
NTA. As someone who carried a lot of dead weight friends her whole life, dump them. You need someone who can be there for you, support you, cheer you on, share trips and life events with, etc.
It seems crappy and classist but really pretty soon they’re feel entitled to your nice new car, or vacation house, they won’t be able to help with weddings plans or afford to be in it. Move on. I wish I did it 20 years ago.