'AITA for telling my future MIL that she'll be escorted out of my wedding if she tries to have a mother/son dance?'

"AITA for telling my future mother in law that she will be escorted out of my wedding if she tries to have a mother/son dance?"

My fiancé and I are due to get married in September 2026, from the moment we got engaged his mother has insisted that she will be having a choreographed dance with him at our wedding. His mum is a self proclaimed “main character" and has even "joked" that she should be allowed to wear white as she is mother of the groom.

His mum is very kind money-wise to her children and has paid large sums of his siblings weddings and would not make a difference here with ours. However I don't want this to be an issue that the day is then planned significantly around her ideas of the perfect wedding and not ours, as there has been previous comments about how she doesn't like the color scheme...

...and how she thinks my engagement ring is tacky. (I have a 1.5ct emerald cut Montana sapphire with a diamond paved setting). So I have therefore said thank you for her kindness but that we will be funding the main chunk of the wedding ourselves as we have saved for it.

In relation to the dance my dad died when I was 5 years old and my grandad who raised me passed away a few years back. My mum and I have discussed a dance (for both of us not him and his mother) and both agreed that it would just seem a bit awkward and we wouldn't really enjoy it so we were going to skip the father/daughter (SHE WOULD BE DANCING WITH ME IN THIS CASE) dance.

I have stated my concerns about a mother/son dance as it would highlight more the fact that there is no traditional father/daughter dance and that I just don't feel comfortable with it.

His mother has blown up saying I will be ruining the day for the whole family by not allowing it, and has stated that she will be pulling everyone off the dance floor for this dance regardless. I have therefore now told her if that is the case, she will be escorted from the venue before the dance begins.

EDIT:

Sorry first time using this so didn't think to give details on fiancé (yes I’m definitely the AH for leaving his opinion out of this post). He doesn't want a first dance never mind a choreographed dance. He laughed the first time it was mentioned about the mother/son dance and said not a chance but she was insisting on it.

He has agreed on a very short 1 minute first dance where the bridal party will join in after a slight sway to our favourite song as dancing in general makes him uncomfortable.

I had always stated before the engagement that I didn't like the dances and he had stated that he'd only agree to a very short 1st dance after a number of drinks because he hates them. We've always been on the same page for that.

I will also add that my fiancé wanted a destination wedding with a small number of guest, which I was quite happy to do as it would be very personal to us. This was completely taken off the table as his mum had a list of 60 guest of her own that absolutely had to attended as they were extended family.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Rough-Lingonberry12 said:

Right now it’s leaning towards YTA, like you only care about your family in the wedding. It doesn’t seem like you’ve given any thought to the fact that this is also an occasion for him and his family.

stove1336 said:

YTA. Let me see if I get this right. Since you don't get to have a traditional father/daughter dance (I'm very sorry for your loss) your fiance has to forego the mother/daughter dance out of solidarity to you? He has to alienate his own mother to coddle to "My mum and I" and that it would be "a bit awkward."

YOUR mum gets an opinion on what his mum should be allowed to do at the wedding? Fix your dress, your NARCISSISM is showing. Are you going to boycott Father's Day next? Or are you just going to make sure he cuts his father completely out of his life? After all, if you don't get a father he shouldn't be able to have one either, right? How ugly this is.

Jazzybranch said:

YTA. Did your fiancé say he does not want a mother/son dance? It’s his wedding and it is not fair for him not to get to do this because your father died. Your are being selfish and only thinking about the wedding as yours only.

Jerseygirl2468 said:

NTA but you two should either elope, or go with the destination wedding you want. Changing all your plans because your MIL wants to invite 60 people is foolish, IMO. Stop letting her steamroll you, do what you want to do, it's your wedding.

authenticmolo said:

NTA. MIL is awful and needs to be put in her place. And choreographed dances at weddings are tacky as hell. I think the whole mother/son and father/daughter dance thing is tacky, too. In addition to being forced and creepy. Like everyone is saying... If your future husband doesn't take your side in this, then you need to dump him and move on.

Skylaren said:

You are NTA. I am so sorry for the loss of your dad and grandfather. Your wedding day is what you and your partner want not your parents. I don’t know how much you have spent on venues and whatnot but honestly, if you two want to go away and get married - do it.

If your MiL raises hell, tell her not to come at all. You two draw and keep healthy boundaries now that will help with your mental wellbeing for the rest of your lives. Congratulations on your engagement and all the best to you.