'AITA for telling my GF I won’t play with her until she learns to accept losing?'
"AITA for telling my GF I won’t play with her until she learns to accept losing?"
I'm an experienced chess player, playing this game for as long as I can remember, probably since I was 4 or 5 years old. My extended family loved chess, so I grew up in an environment where I could very easily learn and practice it. My current rating is 1950+.
My girlfriend is at a lower intermediate level. She learned chess from me during the lockdown, but then took a long break. She started playing regularly a couple of months ago. She mostly plays online against opponents at her level, but she plays with me almost daily on a physical board. The problem (for her) is, I always win.
When she was a beginner, I used to give her wins and tips to help her build the concepts, but now I don’t do that. I believe she should play fairly now, and chess is a game that requires focus, time, and mental effort. Playing it just to give away wins seems too much.
However, she gets mildly annoyed. Yesterday, when I was clearly winning, she flipped the board in anger. It wasn’t as a joke, she was serious. This really pissed me, felt disrespected. So I boldly told her to better stick to online play until she starts accepting losses like an adult ad handles the game maturely. AITA she got upset?
Here's what people had to say about this one:
ProfessorDistinct835 said:
You're clearly not playing her for your own benefit. She's not advanced enough to seriously challenge you. My suggestion would be to go back to coaching and teaching her when you play together. Explain your moves. Gently explain to her when she makes mistakes and suggest better moves.
It will be something you can do together that could be very fun if you both approach it the right way. Rewarding for you, because you should see real improvement. Who knows, maybe she'll get to the point where she can really challenge you and win occasionally.
Rewarding for her because she'll feel supported by you. You're NTA and you're right, she does need to learn how to lose gracefully. But I think you're missing a real opportunity to share your love of the game with someone you love.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
morgaine125 said:
ESH. She shouldn’t be flipping boards in frustration. You shouldn’t be so patronizing.
pottersquash said:
ESH. I get making it enjoyable for you too, but whats the endgame here? She's somehow gonna get as good as you? You've been playing for decades. I just think its so fundamentally foolish for y'all to play period knowing your gonna win every time.
theword12 said:
ESH - her for obvious reasons because that is an overreaction. But why are you two even playing against each other? Unless you play with a handicap she’ll literally never win. It’s not a challenge for you and it’s not really a learning experience for her. I just don’t see what the goal is here if neither of you are even having fun.
Less_Wing_646 said:
NTA. But for the sake of your relationship work out whether she is frustrated to lose or frustrated that she isn't improving. Because with your rating, she won't win against you for quite some time and if she measures her improvements against that then she will get very frustrated very quickly, because she sees no progress.
Flipping the board was an AH move. But if she flipped it because she is frustrated with herself and not because she is mad that she lost, then it might be good for your relationship if you find a better way to play chess. And I don't mean let her win, but rather practice openings, give feedback, explain your strategies so she learns and so on.
RandomRamblings99 said:
NTA, she's being extremely childish. Nothing wrong with bring frustrated when losing, I'd argue it's natural, but flipping the board is something I'd expect from my little cousins, not an adult.
Plus-Cat-8557 said:
ESH sure she shouldn’t flip board, but who wants to play with someone who’s only playing to show how much better they are at something? You’ve been playing since you were a toddler and you know you have that advantage, why not play something the fuck else if you wanna keep your relationship.