'AITA for telling my GF that her tradwife ambitions are disrespectful to me and our relationship?'

"AITA for telling my GF that her tradwife ambitions are disrespectful to me and our relationship?"

I'll try and keep it brief. My GF and I have been dating for 2+ years now. When we met, she was just starting college slightly late and I had just graduated with my undergrad. She's been great, had been wonderful company in my life and I appreciate the time we spend together. I had income and she didn't, I also had a car and she didn't.

I have had no problems picking her up to see her, and I have not had any problem essentially paying for everything over the course of our entire relationship. I get her gifts, often for no reason, not because I expect anything but because I love her and it makes me happy to see her happy.

A few weeks ago her she finally got a car due to her uncle and parents, I was excited and mentioned how great it'll be for her to start driving to my place instead of me going back and forth wasting gas. But she then mentioned "No" that I would still be doing all the driving because she doesn't want to "waste miles."

I told her I felt that was inconsiderate and she practically told me I will be fine because I make good income to replace my own car...this honestly REALLY turned me off but I brushed it off and have since stopped bringing it up.

Another topic propped up when she sent me a tiktok with one of those trad wives... and I mentioned while the video was beautiful, these videos kind of lie to a bunch of young women advertising a lifestyle that is unrealistic for people to achieve. She responded to me saying "women are just marrying the wrong men."

Honestly this made me livid. She then mentioned that if I'm not willing to PAY ALL OF HER BILLS AND ALLOW HER TO NOT WORK (even without kids) then she is "scared" for the our future. Now I have always been an advocate for SAHPs. I think a homemaker is a beautiful task...but I don't think a lazy house mistress is attractive in the slightest...

She has always loved being spoiled and treated, I enjoy doing this and HAVE done it for two years...even then, she still cited me as one of those 50/50 people even though I have quite literally been carrying our relationship from the jump effort wise, and financially.

When I try and communicate our vision for the future and all she has to say back to me "a woman should never pay ANYTHING for a man." I honestly hurt the hell out of me, because I give to her out of love and sheer passion of making this relationship work as it needs to at the moment...

...and instantly made me feel like she doesn't truly love me back at all, but rather views me (and all men) as a vessel for a rich trophy wife lifestyle instead of someone she truly wants to see happy and succeed.

I haven't been able to have a normal conversation with her since, especially since I was the one that had to apologize at the end of the conversation, despite her being totally unrealistic with her expectations, and on top of that she doesn't even realize how much her words offended me after she explicitly told me a "rich guy" who can pay for everything is always the better option.

(I also know for a fact that her mother reinforces this mentality to her whenever we argue, that she could find someone "richer" and "better" rather than just working it out with me and compromising). She got especially mad at me when I said I may never achieve that level level of fortune, even then why would I waste years of hard work so you can be lazy...especially in this economy?

I have a very successful family business and a degree in a field which I work part time in. But I am still no money bags, despite having it better than most. I still have things to pay for and things I want to achieve before I can realistically start trying to have a trophy wife. Even then, why does she expect my love to be so shallow?

I want a PARTNER, not a child to take care of. I don't want a partner that views relationships as some superficial class exchange. I told her just because I may need her help in the future doesn't mean she won't have my full support. I have always supported her, we have 2 happy year together to cite.

But anytime I communicate this with her, she doesn't want to work it out, she wants me to be delusional with her. I feel like I ended up with the female version of Andrew Tate out of the blue, the trash she spews is incredibly misogynistic (women are not built to be working, feminism ruined our way of life).

I can't find out a way to show her how ridiculous she sounds when she expects these types of things out of me, and for me (a very very far left leaning guy ffs) to adapt to suddenly believing a woman's worth is tied behind the man she is intimate with, it's so gross.

She knows who I am, how much I make, and what I am capable of, yet she is practically telling me in my face that none of it matters until things are as she states.

I find it very discouraging that I would sacrifice so much for her over 2 year, only for her to say she won't in any type of way sacrifice for me simply because "women don't do that, that's how they get screwed over." So...AITA for challenging this mentality?

UPDATE:

I really appreciate the comments. To answer questions I saw pop up often. She is a little over 2 years into nursing school. In the business my family runs, she can instantly have a good paying job through us. She doesn’t want to do this, in fact she often tells me she’s only in school do get it out of the way.

She has no current passion for going through with it. I don’t even know how her progress is really going as she doesn’t talk about her studies often (understandable). Whenever we speak about careers, cue the house girlfriend talk.

She had told me once she will “consider part time," it took a very long discussion for us to get there, and says the money will be hers and I will still pay 100% bills and outings. In terms of what she provides? Not very much but I do not expect that. I help run a business and work a part time in a completely different field remotely, and she is in school.

We only have to time see one another on the weekends, usually me picking her up, taking her on dates, we both invite one another to friend outings, family outings etc. We do not live with one another, I am paying mortgage on a duplex alongside my brother.

No she is not cooking and cleaning for me, I pay for the food and more so view her as a special guest when she’s around and I’m 99% sure we are both content with our physical relationship as is.

Whenever we talk about moving in with one another, we clash on this very topic, as it can be kindve dumb to have someone move in with no reasonable way to financially contribute. We aren’t planning kids for another 5-10 years.

People are stating that I should tell her to find a man that suits her needs, I did point ask her “why not just leave me and find a rich man?” She did not take that well, and insinuated I am painting her as a bad person. She left the conversation saying that it was an attempt to breakup, even thought it was just me trying to reasonably communicate.

For those wondering if I’m in it because she is pretty enough to get away with that? No. She is gorgeous and incredibly fashionable, inspiring me in many ways. Fashion is one thing we bond over heavily and we both equally care about our physical appearance.

But in no way am I shallow enough to solely date her because she is physically attractive. No doubt she has her has options, but honestly I find it ridiculous that healthy, happy relationship only needs a pretty face and a large wallet.

Her opinion on that, I’d say ambiguous, because just as any other women she takes pride in beauty. I will speak with her on the phone later tonight about this topic and again and how it makes me feel, and update again if anyone is interested. Again, thanks for the responses.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

MintPasteOrangeJuice said:

NTA. You say you want a partner, go find a partner. Your current girlfriend has made herself clear about how she envisiones her life and it is in striking contradiction to yours. Incompatible long term. Not sure why you put up with that honestly.

NagaApi8888 said:

NTA. Set her free to find richer and better. Consider your 2-year investment as school fees to teach you how to choose a better partner in the future, to see the red flags early so you don't continue relationships with unsuitable partners and break it off early.

CakePhool said:

NTA. You just found out you been her sugardaddy for 2 years. Just leave her, you can cheaper companion in a cat.

CarpeCyprinidae said:

Ask her what she brings to the table in exchange for all this cost and inconvenience. NTA.

One-Revolution-9670 said:

NTA. Get OUT of this relationship. She does not want to be a partner, she wants to be a leech. This woman is going to suck the life out of you.

Eastern_Condition863 said:

NTA. She's looking for a sugar daddy and you're looking for love. You two are not compatible. You see her as a wife and she sees you as a way to fund her lazy lifestyle. She sees you as a meal ticket, not a person to invest in a future with together.