'AITA for telling my GF I want a break? She cussed me out because I left her at my family reunion.' MAJOR UPDATE

"AITAH for telling my gf I want a break after she cussed me out because I left her at my family reunion?"

I, 27M, have been dating Emma, 27F, for a year and 3 months. I can tell you I love her, but I have recently told her I want a break because of how she spoke to me, yelling and cussing me out. She’s saying couples fight, and that’s all it was. I don’t know if I really want to feel this way again.

Now she’s telling me I’m the “AH” for trying to walk away over a fight. I need advice because after 4 days, I’m wondering if I’m ending things too fast. A week ago today, I took my gf to my family reunion. The first one since C#*id, and EVERYONE showed up. My big family was all together, my gf would be meeting a lot of new people, but a few she’s met already.

Being at the reunion an hour, my gf and I were talking to my cousin 30F, who knew my gf from working together, so while those two were catching up, I saw an uncle I haven’t seen in a while, so I went over and said hello. Talking with him for about 10 minutes, I kept turning around to see if my gf was still with my cousin, talking.

My grandmother asked me to help carry 4 tables, I let my gf know I was going to carry 4 tables inside and asked did she wanted to come. She said no, she’s fine talking to my cousin. I helped carry the 4 tables, then came back over to her, I was away no more than 10-15 mins. As we made eye contact, I could see that she looked annoyed.

As I walked towards her, she started walking towards an open sound away from anyone. As I walked up she said “ why the f are you leaving me alone?” I said I told you I was carrying tables, and you were with my cousin, she’s a familiar face. She said “ she saw other family and walked away to talk with them so I’m standing here looking like a dumba#$ because you left me alone."

I honestly never saw her so upset. She said, “If I had known you’ll be leaving me alone, I would have stayed home”. I said, “I'm sorry, I wasn’t meaning for you to feel that way. I helped and came right back”. She said whatever and walked back towards everyone. You could visibly see she was upset, and I asked her, Please not here in front of my family.

She said take home then. I said are you serious right now? She started walking towards the car. Driving her home I said “ I was only gone 10 -15mins” she said “it doesn’t matter how long you are gone, you left me alone looking like an dumba#$." I felt so blind sided and in shock that things escalated this quickly. 30 minutes earlier, I was just carrying the tables in.

At one point she was just yelling and going off, then she said “you’re acting like a dumba$$ it’s ridiculous”. As she got out of the car, she said, “I’ll call you when I’m ready to talk”. I drove home in silence, confused about how we got here, and I’m wrong for leaving her and not thinking about how she’d feel. I do understand that, and I apologize.

I thought she would be comfortable with my cousin. I didn’t think that she walked away. My gf spoke to me like I was trash, and I’m not okay with it. Later that night I got a text from her best friend saying how I’m an asshole for leaving her and what was the point of bringing her.

She told me my gf was upset and couldn’t believe me. After 3 days of not hearing from her, I texted her a long message letting her know I love her, but I don’t ever want to be spoken to like that by my partner. It’s been 3 days and I haven’t heard from you. I understand being wrong, but not hearing from you for 3 days is crazy.

She called me, and when I answered, she told me I’m wrong for wanting to take a break because she’s upset. She said, “You left me and you don’t see the problem with that,” and I told her, “It’s how you spoke to me that’s the issue, I didn’t mean to have you feeling alone, but even after apologizing, you kept going”. She said couples fight, and she can’t believe I want to end things.

I do care about her and love her, but for the past 3 days I’ve been thinking about how she spoke to me, sitting in that feeling, and not hearing from her didn’t help. I sent texts and called her, but she didn’t answer. I keep thinking about how she was just yelling and cussing me out. AITA for wanting to break up? Please, whatever advice is needed. Sorry for the long post.

The internet did not hold back one bit.

Apprehensive_You1981 wrote:

You’re definitely NTA. Because unfortunately, the only thing done against her was unintentional and not at your will. I’m sure your cousin walked off, not even thinking that she may not know that many people. While couples do fight. You should always pay attention to how your partner addresses conflict. Because that will show you how they will handle later issues.

If we’re being real here, the biggest issue is that she just fell out of place at an event. She was a guest that anyway. I believe she definitely immaturely expressed her emotions. If she can’t take any accountability for how she spoke to you. It might be best to end it.

Somebody_81 wrote:

Honestly OP didn't even leave the girlfriend alone; he left her with his cousin, someone she knew from having worked with the cousin. The cousin walked away and left her alone. Girlfriend could have walked with the cousin and met the other family.

Vyckerz wrote:

NTA - you didn’t leave her alone more than a few minutes and as far as you know she was with someone she knew. What you did was completely unintentional yet she focused on her immature feelings. You apologized for something I don’t think you should even have apologized for, but that still wasn’t good enough for her.

She proceeded to cuss you out and make you take her home like a baby. Then ghosted you for three days and had her flying monkeys call and berate you and they don’t even know the whole story. I wouldn’t have asked for a break. I would’ve ended it right then and I would tell her friends to STFU.

Stealthy-J wrote:

NTA. You told her you were going inside to move some tables, and asked if she wanted to come with you. She said no, she was fine. Now she's mad at you for doing the thing you told her you were doing? Not only is she disrespectful, she's a f#$king lunatic. Don't let her pretend you're the bad guy here. Forget the break. Dump her and find someone that doesn't get irrationally angry over non-issues.

A week later, OP shared an update.

Hello, everyone. I was not expecting so many people to comment and give advice. Thank you, everyone. Honestly, I needed to hear some of these comments. A few of you said she’s done this before in some way. I’ve never seen her that upset, it really threw me off, and for it to be the first time at my family reunion again, it THREW ME OFF.

When she asked to leave immediately instead of us figuring out what was going on, I didn’t think my family reunion was the place for us to have any type of back and forth, so of course, I took her home. I’m not someone who yells at my partner.

My parents only communicated through yelling and random outbursts. I don’t communicate that way and don’t want a relationship like my parents. I’m 6’2 210 pounds, it doesn’t look good for someone my size to be yelling at my partner. I don’t ever want my partner to feel intimidated or unsafe from me yelling at her.

A day after I posted, I texted Emma asking if we could talk. A few of you said she could have social anxiety that I didn’t know about. I have a REALLY big family so I wanted to see if maybe that was it. I asked her did she had social anxiety? And she said no. I said help me understand why were you so upset.

She said “I don’t understand how uncomfortable it is to just stand around not knowing anyone, and I should have stayed around longer before leaving her. You should have said come with me while I move the tables."

After she got done talking for about 5 minutes. I told her “I’m done with this relationship. You came up with all these different scenarios I should have done, but here’s one you didn’t think about: tell me that it made you uncomfortable being left alone, so I can be with you."

"I would have understood you only know 10 people out of 70 or 80 people, so I would have just walked you around meeting everyone. This was a moment I could have shown you that I care about your feelings, and you could trusted." My family is super inviting, and all she had to do was give it all a chance.

It has all shown me that this isn’t a relationship I want to be a part of, and I don’t want to be in a relationship where my partner is justifying cussing me out. She started backpedaling and saying a lot of other stuff, but I told her I had to go, and good luck in life. I haven’t spoken to her at all. I blocked her number and I blocked her friend’s number.

I want to find my partner, I want to be with someone who can talk to me and figure things out. I feel like that was an easy win for our relationship, but it went the way it did for some reason. I didn’t miss out on the reunion, since it’s been a while, our reunion was the entire weekend. My grandparents have a farmhouse that sits on a lot of acres, so a lot of us camped out the entire weekend.

The first day was us setting up our tents, the second day all the cousins, 20-40 years old, had a kickball tournament, and the third day we had a big fish fry. My family kept my mind busy those days, she wasn’t speaking to me, and it helped me so much. I can’t wait to have a partner I can share memories like this weekend with. Thank you for everyone who gave me advice!

The internet did not hold back one bit.

natteringly wrote:

Frankly, she didn't deserve the courtesy you showed her. Even if she did have social anxiety, that would be her issue to deal with. It would not in any way have excused the terrible abuse she showered on you for what was perfectly reasonable behaviour on your part. She sounds like a hateful person, and you're well rid of her. I'm glad you had the good sense and self-respect to break up with her and block her.

UndebateableMom wrote:

It's great that you have used this situation to learn more about what you need in a partner. And I agree with you - the problem isn't whether you left her alone or not. It was her not clearly communicating her expectations and needs. Never a good basis for a long-term relationship. Glad you had a good reunion, otherwise.

Darion_tt wrote:

Completely understand what you mean by not one thing perpetuate the cycle of quarreling I’m growing up in Coraline, it teaches you that it sells nothing. Good on you getting rid of that piece of trash. She’s not with your that.

madeyoulurk wrote:

Ummm if you DIDN’T help grandma I would absolutely second guess the relationship. Your main character ex is ridiculously sh#$ty.

Edit: My ex did this to me at a wedding and a wrap party for a show I was incredibly proud to work on. It was pretty humiliating. That’s why he’s an ex.