'WIBTA for telling me girlfriend she can’t 'frog it' around me anymore?' + UPDATE
"WIBTA for telling me girlfriend she can’t 'frog it' around me anymore?"
WIBTA if I tell my girlfriend to stop “frogging it.” This whole situation is so stupid and I don’t want it associated with my normal account. So my girlfriend eats popcorn by “frogging it” which means she picks up a handful, brings it up to her mouth and sticks out her tongue to quickly pull pieces into her mouth.
The first time I saw her do this I was very confused and a little put off, I asked her what she was doing and she just said “I’m frogging it!” I thought it was kinda cute, if a little silly but didn’t think much else of it at the time. I did not realize that she was utterly incapable of eating popcorn in any other way.
I think it’s gross and weird. It seems silly but the sounds and visuals are very childlike to me which is very off putting, especially because when she frogs it she’ll often giggle in a very unnaturally for her) high pitched way if she drops a piece of popcorn or one falls off her tongue while she does it.
She already isn’t the most mature person who ever lived and she definitely leans into being pretty “quirky” which I really like about her but can also kinda slip into childishness. I know that watching New Girl was very formative to her so I don’t know if the whole frogging it thing is from that show or whatever.
I’ve asked her to please eat popcorn like a normal person around me but she rolls her eyes and tells me that I don’t have a say in how she eats anything. Which is fair in theory but listening to her mouth smacking for 45+ minutes every time we watch tv or a movie (a couple times a week) is beginning to have an adverse effect on my mental health.
I’m at the end of my rope here, there is only so much frogging a man can take. Will I be the AH if I unequivocally tell her she can’t do her hellish popcorn ritual around me? She can do it all she wants when I’m not in the room, I just can’t deal with hearing it anymore.
Edit: just coming in to clear up some things:
- Misophonia: yes I have misophonia but it’s not the primary driver of my frustration which is how this situation keeps repeating itself.
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My girlfriend: I do actually love my girlfriend a lot! I know it really doesn’t seem like it and I totally get why people think I don’t deserve her but I really do think she’s the greatest woman in the world. I also don’t think she’s doing this to upset me, or why this is our hill to die on.
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Alternative snacks: I do always have alternate snacks like pretzel rolls, mixed nuts, berries/fruit, chips, all that good stuff. These are all foods that my girlfriend loves and that I take care in providing. She’ll still choose popcorn over these foods, as is her right but also that is kind of frustrating for me personally.
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Overreaction: Yep. I definitely think I’ve let this build up for too long without having a proper sit down conversation with my girlfriend. I’m going to take the rest of the day to really go through my thoughts and figure out what I’m actually feeling and how to properly convey that to my girlfriend in a way that doesn’t make her feel that I think less of her or want to change her.
When she gets home this evening we’ll talk it out. Thank you to everyone who commented and messaged, you all gave me some great perspective and I really appreciate it, I 100% would be wrong to dictate what my girlfriend can do and I’ve definitely been approaching this in the wrong way.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s initial post:
YTA. She’s just eating in a way that makes her happy, if you hate it so much you can leave when she does it.
Sounds like you need a less interesting girlfriend. Let her be her true self, stop trying to dim her light.
Finds quirky girl to date, thinks it's cute. Then immediately tries to get her to stop being quirky. Just go find someone you actually like, instead of trying to snuff the fire out of this one.
Eh, it’s not like she was super into a hobby, he acted like it was cool until they got into a relationship, and then demanded she stopped. She ate food goofily one time, he thought it was funny she was goofing around, bit she actually does it all the time.
That’s VERY different than trying to change the essence of someone you’re dating. Why is OP getting dragged for finding rude manners gross, talking to his partner about it, and then being hurt she simply doesn’t care?
Here come the downvotes!! If any man of mine did this, I would find it unsexy and gross and if he insisted on doing it after I asked him to stop, I would end it right there. And no, this isn't controlling, it's common courtesy. She can do that weird stuff on her own time.
Your girlfriend knows you find this behavior off-putting. It's much less of a big deal for her to just stop doing it in front of you than it is for you to have to tolerate witnessing this disgusting nonsense. Break up with her. She sounds childish and exhausting.
Edit - NTA FFS. My God. The table manners of these commenters must be appalling.
Later the same day, the OP returned with an update.
Just posting this to my profile as a little update/conclusion! First I’d like to again thank everyone for their comments, I didn’t respond to all of them but I did read many of them and I appreciate all of them. A couple more clarifications from things I saw in the comments:
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I’m 26, GF is 28. I forgot to put that in my original post and only updated my AITA post with our ages. Thankfully I am not a 40 year old shocked at the immaturity of his 18 year old girlfriend or anything like that.
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My girlfriend can technically drive but she doesn’t have a license, that’s why I drive her around. If there’s one thing she hates more than driving it’s breaking the law.
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I finance her hobbies because I make more than her. We equally share bills and rent but I pay for most things outside of that. She’s got debts to pay off and savings to build up and anything I can do to make that easier I want to do!
Update/conclusion:
After my girlfriend got home from work and had a chance to catch her breath and settle in I sat her down and we had a really good conversation.
Here’s the short version: She didn’t realize how much her frogging it bothered me and had I explained that better/in a less annoyed tone, she would have stopped a long time ago.
Many moments during our relationship that I chalked up to her being immature/childish were her intentionally messing with me, in retrospect that makes a lot of sense. She’s going to now default to assuming I’m serious rather than joking and I’m going to be more clear when I am being serious.
When I showed her this post she agreed that the way I wrote it makes me sound like a controlling dickhead who hates his girlfriend. She doesn’t think I represented the story, her, or myself in a very accurate/coherent way and I have to agree there. I promise I’m a vaguely normal guy most of the time!
She was delighted that people were planning on adopting the term “frogging it” and has been very happily parading around calling herself a “food innovator” and threatening to quit her job and become a food blogger.
She also says to the people offering to “take her off my hands” that she respectfully declines but “if you’re ever in Orlando…” I think we’re going to be okay! We’re removing popcorn from our movies nights but not our cupboards or our hearts, haha.
We’re gonna look into some couples counseling to better our communication and I’m going to reach out to my former psychiatrist and therapist to see if either of them have someone to recommend for individual therapy! Thank you again to everyone who lent me their time and energy!
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s update:
I love to put the bowl up to my face and frog it straight from the bowl but I’d never do that in front of anyone except my cats.
Your cat sounds less judgy than mine.
Glad things worked out, though I think the comments shown were a bit harsh to OP. I don't know many people who are chill about people chewing with their mouth open (even partially with frogging). People should generally be chill with quirks but yeah I'd prob hate the sound of it too.
it also bothered me when he comes out to say that his girlfriend is intentionally doing things to annoy him. if someone gave me a “hey could you not frog around me anymore?” i wouldn’t take that as a joke. granted he could have communicated how it was getting to him more but my god purposefully eating loudly is annoying to most.
First I thought this might be about cross-stitching, but then I found out it's about someone who eats popcorn the way I do when I'm cross-stitching and need to keep my hands clean. That's a bit unexpected!! This girl is nuts, I only eat popcorn like that if I'm stitching and would never do it if there were any witnesses around...