'AITA for telling my girlfriend to 'suck it up' around my clown figurines?' + UPDATE
"AITA for telling my girlfriend to 'suck it up' around my clown figurines?"
Me (26M) and my girlfriend (24F) have been dating for 2 years. Since we started dating she’s KNOWN that I love clowns. I have several porcelain clowns displayed around my house on walls, hung from the ceiling on little swings, and on shelves.
I adore these weird little creatures. Well last week I bought 2 Venetian masks from the thrift store and they’re in GREAT condition (I got em for a decent price too). She HATES them.
She said they’re creepy and give her “bad vibes” whatever that means. I told her that I would take down the masks when she’s staying the night, but I’m not getting rid of them. She told me that was fine.
Yesterday she got up and told me that we needed to talk. She told me that she’s sick of seeing my weird decorations and clown toys everywhere. That they’re ugly and creep her out.
I asked her where this was all coming from because she has NEVER MENTIONED MY CLOWNS BEFORE and she said me ‘bringing those ugly effing masks into our home was her last straw’ and ‘my obsession with clowns was charming before, but now it’s just disturbing’.
I told her that I would take down the masks when she was over. But, 1. This isn’t OUR home. It’s MY apartment. And 2. She’s known about the clowns for years. And to try to stop me from decorating my place how I please is controlling.
She told me “Either get rid of some of them or were done”. I told her to just “suck it up” while she’s here. And if she can’t then I’ll come to HER place every week. She didn’t like that answer and called me a child before leaving.
I texted her to apologize for telling her to suck it up about the clowns. But she hasn’t responded to me. So. Am I the AH for telling her to “suck it up” about my clown figurines?
Later the same day, the OP returned with an update.
I wanted to clear up some things I saw in the comments. I had a small collection started by my grandparents when I was a baby. That’s where I got my first swing jester. The collection has grown in the last 2 years to expand to commons decor and not just dolls.
For the update: She saw the post. She read the comments. And called me today. She wasn’t too happy about being called the Asshole, but she apologized for being controlling.
Turns out she wanted to “see if I’d get rid of my collection if it meant keeping her”. Like it was some relationship test. Note: She did really hate the Venetian masks and didn’t like that they are hanging above my bed.
I told her that if it came down between her NEEDING me to get rid of them/sell them for expenses then I would of course do that. But I’m not just going to get rid of my collection because someone says so.
She asked if we could move on from this and I told her no. I don’t like that she tried to test my love by asking me to get rid of my collection. She left. We’re officially broken up now.
On the bright side, I can fill my house with more clown dolls. I even found a music box one online that I might get. Thank you everyone for helping me figure out that I wasn’t in the wrong. And to those saying I’m a serial killer for owning clowns, I’ve read quite a few comments from people collecting dead things. So I think I’m in the clear on that.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. As someone who isn’t into clowns but loves Venetian masks, I can understand being creeped out by some of them. However, her turning this on your entire interest for clowns that you’ve had your whole relationship makes her TA.
Also, if she’s giving you ultimatums over how you decorate your own space based on your own interests, she’s not the one. There will be someone who will appreciate your collection, if not add to it themselves.
EndFlimsy5850 (OP)
That’s the crazy thing! She has bought me little clowns before! She found a print of 2 clowns kissing at an art fest she went to and she picked it up for me.
Good thing you found this out about her now. It isn't going to last. You're NTA right now, because it *is* your place, but if the relationship progresses, you're likely to have a place together, and then she won't allow it.
You'll be right back at this point, but with more feelings. better to cut bait now and both get on with your lives. Find someone tolerant who doesn't care what your hobby is, and you can put up with her creepy 18th century gothic porcelain doll collection too.
NTA like what you like but I don’t actually know anyone who wants to live in the creepy clown house so don’t be surprised if you have trouble finding another girlfriend…..
From a purely pragmatical point of view: this is your apartment and therefore you have every right to decorate it in the way you want. That is not controlling at all. You would be controlling if you wanted to decorate your gf's apartment with clowns.
From a relationship point of view: you are just not compatible. If the presence or absence of decorative objects is such an issue in your relationship that ultimatums are involved, I shudder to think how you both will manage when far more challenging issues come up.
NAH. She obviously has no right to tell you how to decorate your own home, but she also is probably thinking about the future and wondering about compatibility. If I started dating a guy with a clown collection like this, I'll be real, I'd hate it from the second I saw it. But I think after two years and it becoming apparent that this isn't going to become less of a thing for you.
She's probably having these kinds of thoughts and trying to find out just how important and how far this clown thing goes so she can see if she'll be able to live like that. It's all fine when you live separately and it doesn't impact my own home, but the goal of a relationship is to live together at some point.