'AITA for telling the groom his wife IS having an affair with his best man?'
"AITA for telling the groom his wife IS having an affair with his best man?"
This might be a long one however I will try to keep it as short as possible. I (27F) found out my 2 best friends were having an affair behind my other best friends back. Back in 2023 my besties got married we’ll call her Karen (32F), she married Ryan (37M). It was a beautiful day and my other best friend, we’ll call him George (34M).
So earlier this year, I found out my Karen and George were having an affair and Ryan had absolutely no idea. I’ll be honest, I knew for a few weeks before I said anything as all 3 were best friends and had been for about 8/9 years. We went out for each other’s birthdays, meals, spa days etc.
So when I found this out I was shocked. It apparently had started a few weeks before I was told and they had been hiding it for so long. Ryan had began suspecting something was going on, but as there was no solid proof he chose not to believe it, even though he caught Karen cuddled up on the sofa with George after a few drinks...
I was having a drink with Ryan one night and he was talking to me about how he felt about the situation and he believed Karen would never do such a thing. I began getting so frustrated hearing how much he adored this woman, because she was treating him like absolute crap and he’s genuinely a good guy.
When I say EVERYONE in our area was talking about it, I mean everyone. Multiple people tried telling Ryan how suspicious Karen and George going away together every weekend was, going for ‘long drives’ and to festivals together looked but he continued to trust Karen.
Now when I first found out I was under the impression Karen was going to be leaving Ryan, she wasn’t happy in her marriage and this affair just happened. So when she told me I said there and then she absolutely cannot play two men off each other and she has to decide.
I began distancing myself from Karen and George, as best as I could without completely going no contact. But hearing the things Ryan was telling me didn’t coincide with what Karen was actually telling George as well.. she in fact was playing them both.
She told George she has spoken to Ryan and they were in agreement to get a divorce, when I asked Ryan how he was feeling about that he had no idea what I was talking about so when I said “the day she came round to talk to you?”
It turns out they were cuddled up on the sofa, watching tv, ALL DAY. Then she goes away for a weekend with George. So when I originally told Ryan this was true, ultimately absolute chaos unfolded.
Karen came to where we were, tried to physically fight me, then even took my phone as she knew I had proof so she ultimately made herself look so guilty. The day after THEY DENY EVERYTHING. I then get made out to be a liar, but the truth eventually comes out when 3 of my other friends all told Ryan it was true.
Did he believe it? NO!!! CAN WE BE MORE DELUSIONAL?????!!! Ryan was only going to believe it if the words came directly from Karen herself. Which of course will never happen.
A few weeks go by and I speak to Ryan again, only to my horror to hear that Karen and Ryan were going to be sorting their marriage because Karen came clean, I was like uhhh sure go for it if she’s been entirely honest that’s your decision, to which Ryan went “George has been manipulating Karen for months, bullying her into being friends, making her block me and isolating her from her friends” etc.
I was shocked as she wasn’t bullied into sleeping with George her husbands best man or telling George she was so in love with him???? So again this caused an argument with Karen and George.
George ultimately said you either tell people the truth or I do, so she has ‘supposedly’ told people 99.9% of the truth, just missed out that they are actually in a relationship now and have in fact been sleeping together for over 6 months now. The kicker is George wants to message Ryan to apologise, but Karen is a wholeheartedly against this as she doesn’t want anymore drama.
I’ve told George there’s absolutely no way she’s told him a thing, she’s already painted you out to be some terrible person who’s manipulating her so of course you messaging Ryan admitting everything after months of denying it isn’t what she wants.
Somehow I’m still painted out to be the bad one in all this, I feel I was in the middle as all 3 of them were my best friends and it was horrible trying to figure out exactly what to do.
There’s so much to this story but I’ve tried to include the relevant parts. There might be an update as more unfolds as I sit back with my cuppa watching Karen’s world crumble before her and see her scramming around trying to remember her lies that she’s told each man. Ultimately I’ve cut contact with 2 out of 3, but AITA for telling Ryan?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA but uhhh... find new friends. They all sound like trash.
NTA. But at this point, take a step back and let them handle it. They're adults. Wish them the best of luck and walk away.
Good luck and goodbye to the 3 ring circus. Stop asking Ryan why he keeps acting like a clown, start asking yourself why you keep going to the circus. OP is too invested in her friend's lives. She needs to step back and move on with new friends.
You need to just walk away from all this. It's obvious they are gonna do what they want to do, and believe what they want to believe. There is nothing more you can do. Were you TA for telling Ryan? No, NTA. But you see it didn't help. At. All. There is nothing to be gained by being a part of their drama. Wash your hands and walk away.
MindlessDetective469 (OP)
Yeah, I’m gonna cut contact with the other remaining person. I blocked the other two. I thought I made the right decision in being honest with Ryan but like you say, it hasn’t helped whatsoever. Onwards and upwards 🙏🏼