'AITA for telling my half-sister she doesn’t deserve my mom’s necklace?' UPDATED

"AITA for telling my half-sister she doesn’t deserve my mom’s necklace?"

Hello everyone, I'm coming on here to seek advice because I think I'm in the wrong. I 21F have 2 full siblings Michael, 23M and Damien 25M. We have a half sister Elsie 18F who is a result of an affair.

Our mother 50M is unfortunately terminally ill, the doctors have told us she doesn't have much time left. She called us all in to talk about her will and what we would each be getting. My mother was a banker and amassed quite the portfolio.

Shortly after Elise was born, her mother wasn't very active in her life, leaving her to move in with us and live with us. I could always tell mom held some sort of resentment to her, my mom wasn't strong enough to leave after the affair and she regrets it every day.

Mom raised Elsie like her own for so long, but all Elsie could do was be snarky towards her and always say "but you're not my real mom" of course she'd only say that when mom was trying to discipline her.

But as soon as she needed something expensive she'd be as sweet as sugar towards mom. I avoided elsie growing up because I always felt like she ruined our picture perfect family.

Back to the day this happened, mom was reading out her will on her bed, my mother owns a beautiful emerald necklace; a family heirloom. She looks directly at Elsie and tells her she can keep it.

I started crying immediately, it doesn't even make sense. She's not entirely part of our family, her and mom share NO blood. I began to scream and yell at Elsie. I told her I wished she never walked into our lives and that she should just leave because no one wanted her here.

Damien tried to calm me down and reminded me we were in a hospital. Michael left the room with Elsie to avoid escalation. I saw mom crying and it kind of hurt but she hurt me worse. I grabbed my bag and left. It's been 3 days and I've gotten non stop messages from extending family saying I hurt my mom and she didn't mean any harm. AITA?

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:

Electronic_Sun4582

Very reluctantly saying YTA because honestly how else were you supposed to react???? I mean, what in the world is your mother thinking leaving a FAMILY heirloom to her husband’s oops baby??? I’d be mad as hell too.

Even if she raised her as “her own” at best Elise should get a small monetary amount compared to you and your brothers. I’m sorry that this is the decision your mother has come to and that you now have to deal with this (and probably alone at that).

Idk if it’s possible for her to change her mind or even have the time to change the will atp. Seems like even trying to have that conversation with your mom would just cause more stress on her and she’s already ill. This is a mess all around.

Slight-Book5066 (OP)

Thank you for this comment, Elsie and I are receiving equal portions of money but I don’t get why she gets the necklace on top.

Electrical-Bat-7311

Because your mom treated her terribly for the first half of her life, always making her feel like she wasn't a part of the family. Your mom is giving her the necklace to say that Elsie is a part of her family. Elsie isn't responsible for the affair or being born. It's reasonable that your mom had difficulties raising her, but it sounds like she took those out on an innocent child and now she regrets that.

QuietCelery7850

“I avoided elsie growing up because I always felt like she ruined our picture perfect family.”

No. That was your father. And I am just shocked that a teenage girl was snarky to her mother-figure./s

TeenySod

YTA. It's your mother's decision. Did she ever SAY that she resented Elsie, or is that just your perception? - as clearly your mother does see Elsie as part of the family. Elsie probably sees your mother as her own too under the circumstances, the 'you're not my mom' kickbacks will be a natural teenager response to being told "No" - if you think about it, you probably said rotten things as a teenager too.

I'm sorry for your impending loss, unfortunately, you are being the cause of conflict/drama here and I strongly recommend you make peace with your family and apologise to your mother before it's too late.

RollingKatamari

YTA. The only person you need to blame is your father, who btw doesn't feature at all in this story, where is he in all this??? Elsie may be annoying but that is your mom's necklace and HER choice who to give it to. Elsie is NOT the reason your father cheated, she was the consequence. Stop wasting the precious time you have left with your mother and grow up.

Similar_Pineapple418

YTA. I’m sorry about your mom, but you’re acting like a spoiled brat over a necklace. Elsie didn’t ruin anything. Your father is the one that screwed up. Stop taking it out in Elsie.

Info from OP:

Hi all, I have received some very well worded and thought out comments/dms. Just to answer some questions, the heirloom comes from my mom's side not dad's. My father passed 2 years ago. Elsie's mom is a deadbeat to put it nicely.

My brothers rarely speak to Elsie mainly due to them living 3 states away. I will be talking to my mom asap, she wants to talk and I want to as well because at the end of the day I love her and would never change that.

Later OP came back with this update:

I visited mom and we had a really long talk about my life and growing up. I apologised to her and she accepted with a smile, she told me she'd always forgive me no matter what. That's why I love my mom she's a kind soul.

I expressed to her that I felt I should have the necklace because we are blood and my grandma had it before, before her was my great grandma the x4. My mom started to tear up and explained that she thought I didn't want it and may as well pass it on to Elsie.

She said she knows Elsie isn't her real daughter, but over the years her resentment turned to pity cause she really didn't have anyone, especially after I moved out to live with my boyfriend. Mom said we could call Elsie and come to an agreement.

Mom called elsie and she actually came over to the hospital instead. She sat with us and I asked her what her plans are with the necklace. She told me she was gonna take really good care of it and wear it.

I asked her if I could give her a portion of my current inheritance money as a way to buy it off her. E.g we both get $300,000 but I give her 25k, then she gets $325,0000 and I get $275,000 and the necklace. She said that was a good idea because I clearly have a connection to this necklace and she would benefit from liquid anyways.

Mom reassured her she would get other pieces of jewellery, my mom really loved bling. I feel happier knowing I could come to some sort of an agreement, but what's most important to me is that my mom and I are good and we are. I cried, told her I loved her and gave her a really big hug before I left. I said goodbye to Elsie and was on my way.

I called Damien and Michael when I got home to explain what had happened, they said they were proud of me for reaching an agreement everyone was happy with. We talked a little more of the course of 2 hours and we agreed that whilst we don't want Elsie actively in our lives, we were gonna make sure she was set and Michael said we should check in on her when we can.