'AITA for telling my husband if he forces his daughter to go to school with poor hygiene as punishment, I will divorce him?'

"AITA for telling my husband if he forces his daughter to go to school with poor hygiene as punishment, I will divorce him?"

(41f) have a daughter (10f) from a previous relationship and my husband (35m) has a daughter (13f) from a previous relationship. My stepdaughter has been the near-perfect child for a long time. She hasn't ever needed to be punished since I've with her father, until recently.

She had a problem with another girl (13f) at school. The other girl made fun of my stepdaughter's "lesbian" mom and my stepdaughter made fun of the other girl's "poor" mom. The parents of the other girl grounded her for 3 weeks. My husband wanted his daughter's punishment to match the crime.

Since his daughter make fun of the other girl's financial situation, my husband wants his daughter feel like how it is to be extremely poor. The other family isn't extremely poor, by the way.

His plan for his daughter is to go to school with poor hygiene, for 3 days. No shower, no deodorant, no brushing of teeth, and reused clothes. I told him if he goes through with this plan, I will divorce him. AITA?

The internet did not hold back one bit.

strawbeebop wrote:

That's humiliation. S#$t like that gets kids taken away from their parents. Does he want to get CPS called on him?

shbrinnnn wrote:

Poor people have poor Hygiene?

I grew up poor. Guess what? We brushed our teeth, had baths, used deodorant, and wore clean clothes. We also had a roof over our heads. NTA -- but your husband is.

ResolutionSafe6898 wrote:

NTA. That’s not a fitting punishment, that’s a form of humiliation. Also, poverty does not equal unclean/unhygienic. Your husband is not only an asshole, he’s a prejudiced AH.

grandpa2390 wrote:

Yeah. if he wants the punishment to fit the crime, taking away luxuries might seem more fitting. take away her smartphone or something. and the punishment doesn't have to be a public humiliation.

update: In case someone is confused, I don't want to have to explain this again. when I say take away luxuries like her smartphone, I'm assuming she has an iPhone or a Galaxy or Pixel to take away as opposed to the Moto G Play. I thought this would have been obvious based on the context of what I said and the conversation.

Dingo-that-ate-ur-baby wrote:

Your husband is stereotyping poor people as smelly?

I grew up poor yet we still managed to take showers and brush our teeth. I know so crazy. Your husband sounds like a judgmental twat who doesn’t even know what being poor is.

thefluffyowl5207418 wrote:

Being poor doesn’t automatically equal lack of hygiene, and using that as a punishment is diabolical af for a myriad of reasons, instead of humiliating his kid, why not have her volunteer some of her time helping the people she’s mocked?

That would be a much more useful and valuable form of “punishment” - I’d say his method is borderline child ab#$e and something that a “poor” family would have CPS called on them for. Not only is your husband TA, but he’s a big 🚩too

Iroza711 wrote:

That’s what I’m thinking I knew plenty of people who had far less than I did growing up. That doesn’t equal poor hygiene at ALL. That’s just a crazy leap to make and a terrible lesson to instill in her also. No wonder she made fun of them for being “poor” sounds like he has terrible stereotypes of people who are less fortunate than him as well.

Poor hygiene and being smelly is something any person of any wealth class can have and has far more to do with mental health or maybe medical issues (thinking like sweating disorders or something perhaps) than money.

And definitely they don’t deserve to be mocked for either of those things either. This guy’s gonna get cps called on him and it’s gonna impact op and her child as well. Don’t relent op, this is so wrong. Maybe see if the girls mother can help stop it also if you’re having trouble getting through to him?

SignificantOrange139 wrote:

Wow. I've seen a lot of insane ab#$ive punishments from people over the years. Two extended families full of crazy I could write novels on. But that's new for me. NTA. Your husband's punishment is abusive and doesn't match the crime at all. Nor should it. She wasn't kind but she also was just lashing back at an asshole. That's a huge red flag he just waved.

Sensitive-adviser-21 wrote:

If this is a one time event that has not happened before, I wouldn’t punish her at all. I would discuss it with her and if her mom is a lesbian, that may have struck a chord with her. The other girl started it and may be a bully who needed the punishment.

Idk - I just think she responded to a hateful comment - and you said they aren’t poor, so it wasn’t even a true statement, just something she said in anger.