'AITA for telling my husband I didn’t like a gift from his parents?'

"AITA for telling my husband I didn’t like a gift from his parents?"

My (36F) in-laws recently came back from a trip to Europe and bought me a designer bag (a complete surprise). They presented it to me along with other gifts for my husband (38M) and our kids while we were over at their house for dinner. When I received the bag I was gracious and thankful, said I loved it, and all the things a respectful daughter-in-law should say upon receiving an expensive gift.

In the car on the way home, my husband asked if I liked the bag. I was honest with him and said it was a lovely gift but the color wasn’t my favorite. (It’s a cool/icy gray bag with silver hardware. I’m a “warm autumn” color palette so I pretty much exclusively wear gold jewelry, and warm-toned clothes like creams, browns, army green, burgundy, etc. So the bag wouldn’t match with anything in my closet.)

My husband was furious when I said I didn’t like the color. We didn’t really get into it in the car because it was a short drive home, and then once we got home we immediately needed to put our two young kids to bed. Once we were done with bedtime I wanted to revisit the conversation about the bag because I didn’t want to go to bed angry.

When I asked him to talk about it more he was still furious, seething even. He called me ungrateful, and threatened to throw the bag away or tell his mom that I hated it and to never buy me anything nice ever again. I reiterated that I was polite to his parents and obviously the last thing he should do is say a word to either of them.

I explained that receiving a gift is not an obligation to like something or to use it. He really couldn’t understand that at all. He called me names and told me to sleep in the guest room. He was PISSED.

Our argument ended at a stalemate: I felt that I was right in being gracious towards his parents and should be able to be honest with him in private. He felt that me expressing any kind of dislike for an expensive gift from his parents (even in private) was rude and ungrateful.

I was raised in a family where it’s okay to say you don’t like a gift (later on, in private, after expressing gratitude and appreciation toward the giver). My husband was raised the opposite - keep your mouth shut and pretend to love something (even if you hate it).

My parents also ask for our input before buying Christmas gifts and genuinely want to buy things we will like and use. Obviously my in-laws do not do that. In fact, they have a long history of buying us both fairly expensive items that we don’t like.

We have talked about it openly in the past. I’m not sure why my husband reacted so extremely this time, but, clearly this argument is the result of very different upbringings and expectations around gifts. AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Only-Breadfruit-6108 said:

He asked, you answered. If you can’t be honest with your partner, in private; then when can you?!? NTA.

ohchefbatman said:

Not sure why he thinks it’s okay to talk to you like that. I think that’s more upsetting than you liking a bag or not. Does he kick you out of your own bed and call you awful names often? NTA designer stuff is overpriced and lame, and his attitude needs work.

Lopsided-Juice-8171 said:

NTA! My family raised me just like yours. If your husband has never reacted like this before could he have been involved with helping his parents pick this out gift so he took it more personally?

Boomer050882 said:

You are NTA. Every one of us has received a gift we don’t like or can’t use. You accepted the gift graciously and thanked his parents. Too bad they can’t handle honesty about their gifts.

When I pick gifts for my family I genuinely try to choose something they would enjoy. Sometimes I miss the mark. I would much prefer that they return the item and pick something out that works for them. My feelings won’t be crushed. Your husband definitely overreacted.

CrabbiestAsp said:

Oof. NTA. You were gracious and thankful to your in-laws and you're right, you don't HAVE to love every gift you get. My MIL is constantly getting me souvenirs that I'll never use or wear. But I thank her and I pop them somewhere safe incase I ever do.

To add...I don't care if I'd be overreacting, but I'd leave my husband if he ever dared to call me names. Like, we use it casually in conversation but if he actually put it into that context, I'd be out. Especially over saying you don't like the color of a gift. So disrespectful.

grayblue_grrl said:

Name calling and guest room means marriage counseling or divorce. I'd go talk to a lawyer. ASAP. He sounds unhinged. This argument is clearly about him feeling like you disrespected his parents and that isn't allowed because they are more important than you are. Which is a deal breaker. IMO. NTA.

otbnmalta said:

NTA for being truthful with your husband in private. But seriously, the overreaction is concerning.