'AITA for telling my husband his friend can come to Thanksgiving but I'm not dealing with his BS?'
"AITA for telling my husband his friend can come to Thanksgiving but I'm not dealing with his BS?"
So my husband has this friend, let's call him Craig. The first time we invited Craig over for a holiday was Thanksgiving a few years ago.
He said he wanted to wash his hands before dinner but didn't use the bathroom, instead he went to the kitchen and proceeded to complain about how the sink was full of dishes and why hadn't I cleaned them yet (Despite the fact I had made an entire Thanksgiving meal). My husband said he was probably joking and I shouldn't have taken it so personally.
For Easter my husband invited him again and Craig offered to bring a pie. I told him that I was already planning on making two desserts (carrot cake and cheesecake stuffed strawberries) and since my husband and I were trying to lose weight I really didn't want an extra dessert floating around. So he offered to bring rolls instead. I joked that if he didn't bringKing Hawaiian Sweet rolls he wouldn't be allowed inside.
So on Easter I told him dinner would be served at 5. 5 o'clock came and no Craig. 5:30 still not Craig but we decide to eat. 6 no Craig and we move on to dessert. 6:30 we finished eating and decided to relax in the living room.
7 Craig finally shows up with his girlfriend and I see he brought King Hawaiian Butter rolls. As this point I didn't really care since I already ate dinner without a roll but what really got me was he brought the pie. So Craig goes to wash his hands and can't help but make a comment about the dishes in my sink.
He then complains that my food is nowhere as good as his girlfriends, probably had something to do with the fact that the food was now cold. When he was ready to leave I told him not to forget his pie and he mentioned that he didn't like sweets and we could keep it. Now Thanksgiving is coming again and my husband wants to invite him.
I said "Fine, but I'm not dealing with his BS this time. The first condescending comment he makes he can walk straight out and if I have to slam the pie in his face to get him to take it then I will." My husband is telling me that I'm taking everything out of context but I think showing up two hours late and being rude to the host is pretty clear. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
CrankyWife wrote:
Question: Was the girlfriend invited by you?
OP responded:
Craig asked if he could bring her, and we said yes. She was perfectly kind to us.
strange_treat89 wrote:
NTA.
You have a husband problem. Craig is obviously an AH, but why is your husband okay with his friend being so rude and nasty to his wife?
Does your husband also treat you like this? Or talk bad about you to Craig so that he feels comfortable enough to act this way? The first time a guest was ever rude to me in my own home, would be the last time they were inside it. Tell your hubby he can go spend Thanksgiving with Craig and his gf, while you stay home alone. There will be no less and no AH making rude comments!
OP responded:
I've seen my husband around his friends, and they go all out with the mean comments towards each other, so I get that it's their friend dynamic.
My husband says that Craig sees me as a "friend," and that's why he's comfortable being rude to me, but he isn't actually trying to be a jerk. I told him I'm not mean to my friends, and he said he'll tell Craig to be nicer but that he just forgets I'm not like his other "friends."
Hempsox wrote:
NTA.
Hang a sign over the kitchen sink with "Anyone commenting about the status of our kitchen is required to clean it." He'll comment; show him the location of the scrubber and Dawn.
He comments about your cooking not being as good as his gf. Take his plate. Wouldn't want him to have to insult his palate with your food.
Lock the door 45 minutes after the dinner is scheduled to begin.
sassypants2306 wrote:
Yeah, nope. Also, deal with your husband problem 1st.
"Darling, for 2 festivities now when your friend has come. He has been rude, undermined all my effort, and can not even lug himself to the bathroom to wash his hands properly. You have not yet called him out."
"Once can be passed off as a joke, more than once, it is just insults, and I will not have my home, time, effort, and food insulted. So I would rather not invite him, but if you really insist, you either tell him to keep his comments POLITE or I will tell him to GTFO and he will not be welcome again. Am I clear?" NTA.
PerspectiveKookie16 wrote:
“He then complains that my food is nowhere as good as his girlfriends, probably had something to do with the fact that the food was now cold.”
WTF? He can eat at his gf’s. If your husband wants to put up w Craig’s BS, he can do it without you and outside of your shared home.
sunshineprincess21 wrote:
There are two AH’s in the story you told neither are you.
If someone doesn't want to see your dirty dishes they can stay out of your kitchen.
Never insult your host cooking.
If there is ever a next time, bin the pie in front of him.
Now to the huge #4.
4. Ask unsupportive, clueless AH of a husband in exactly what context is his friend not also an AH? Also tell husband it is his turn to cook Thanksgiving dinner and clean up after, then he can tell his friend to shut up about the dishes from a free meal.