'AITA for telling my husband that I don’t want another child with him?'
"AITA for telling my husband that I don’t want another child with him?"
I (34F) have been married to my husband (37M) for almost 10 years. We’ve been together for 15 years. We have one daughter(3) through IVF. We have had plenty of ups and downs during our relationship.
When he gets mad he will call me a bunch of names. Before we got engaged, I’ve sought out emotional comfort from others but nothing physical. This was over 10 years ago and nothing has happened since.
When we fight, he will bring this up occasionally. Which isn’t the main point of this post, just want transparent. I have ADHD and forget a lot of things. The main thing I forget is to make sure I shut the lights off when I leave the room.
It’s not like I leave them on all day but when I’m moving from room to room sometimes I forget to shut a light off. My husband has asked me to do this for years and I try to remember to shut them off but occasionally I forget. I’ve made a lot of progress with it but he still gets frustrated.
I had breast cancer a few years ago and the medications I take cause a lot of side effects. I get alot of brain fog, so now I forget even more. But it also caused me to have precancerous cells in my uterus and I had to have a full hysterectomy with removal of my ovaries.
My husband was raised with an old school mindset. Women do the cooking and cleaning. Now he does all of the outside work. And helps occasionally in the house, mainly by pushing out daughter’s toys to the side and hits start on the rumba.
I work full time then come home to cook and clean. Then I get our daughter ready for bed and she wants to cuddle until she falls asleep. When I come out, nothing is cleaned, and he is sitting on the couch.
He will fall asleep a lot after work and won’t even come out until I’m trying to get our daughter ready for bed. I’ve been asking for help around the house and he just doesn’t. I’m asking for help with cooking, getting things cleaned up in the kitchen, getting our daughter ready for bed, ect.
I’m asking for us to take turns on doing different things. He says he will do the dishes, so I go to bed and nothing is done when I wake up. I’ve also had issues with him throwing fits about not wanting to see my family ect…
We just had a large fight and he told me he purposely doesn’t help because he is tired of telling me to turn the lights off. That all the years of him asking me to turn the lights off isn’t compared to me asking for help around the house. I’m becoming very resentful because of this.
He recently brought up on wanting to look into surrogacy to have another child. I told him that I’m not sure if I even want another child with him because he doesn’t help me.
Now he tells me that I really hurt him and that there are plenty of other mom’s out there that can do it all with more than 1 child. AITA for saying this to him and did I overreacted about him not helping me?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
You’ve worked, mothered, cooked, cleaned, and even survived cancer, yet he still expects you to do more. He’s guilt-tripping you about not wanting another child when he can’t even step up for the one you already have? NTA.
You already have 2 children, a 3 and a 37, and a job. That is enough for anyone to handle. Do not add another kid to the pile.
"Now he tells me that I really hurt him and that there are plenty of other mom’s out there that can do it all with more than 1 child."
Have you told him that there are plenty of husbands and dads out there who actually behave as more than half a paycheck?
NTA, and don't cave to his BS manipulations blaming you. Anyone who purposefully lies to you (saying he'll help and then doesn't) to punish you (by giving you more work) is an AH who doesn't deserve more children with you.
NTA to refuse having another child with this hostile, useless man, but why on earth have you stayed with him so long? You admit he was verbally abusive while you were dating... yet you married him? You have more of a husband problem than he won't do housework.
I’m sure my poor self-esteem stems from daddy issues. I’ve done a lot of self reflecting and I know I’m part of the issue. Especially to be allowed to be treated this way.
Leave this loser. You've got bigger issues than housework! He isn't traditional in thinking you do all the housework. If he was traditional, you wouldn't be working and he'd be the sole bread winner. He just wants it all. Your life would be less stressful if you were actually a single mum. As things stand, you're a married single mum.
Honestly the light switch thing is weird. I don't know anyone bothered by not switching all the lights off as they go. I personally do it on autopilot. But it doesn't bother me when someone doesn't do it. You're much better than this man child. Leave him and live in peace with all the lights on. NTA.
NTA. If he’s too poor for you not to work, he can’t afford the traditions he’s used to. Leave his sorry, broke ass. You’re already a single mother.