'AITA for telling my husband that I no longer want my Christmas gift?'
"AITA for telling my husband that I no longer want my Christmas gift?"
EnvironmentalEgg7874
For the past few years I’ve wanted a very specific item. It’s about $500.00. I don’t like spending that much money on myself and this isn’t necessary to the household so I never bought it. It would just be something to display, like an art piece (going to leave out exactly what it is because it would be identifying).
This year my husband announced he was getting it for me for Christmas. Which… I was slightly down about because it ruined the surprise but I was fine with it. But he keeps talking about it, and in the past month has made a lot of annoyed comments.
“I could buy a new TV for this price,” “I could buy so and so for how much this is,” “Your only getting this so don’t expect anything else.” And finally today I sent him something funny that I thought was cute and he responded saying “well you’re only getting this for Christmas so don’t show me anything else or I just won’t get it.”
I feel like he’s treating me like a child. I’m not making him purchase me anything, I’m not asking him to get me this or anything else for that matter. I’ve said a few times that he doesn’t need to get me anything for holidays, just a nice dinner or a homemade gift from one of our children would be preferred.
I don’t like buying myself stuff in general so I’m not out spending a crap ton of money. He is making me feel guilty and I didn’t even ask for this! He knows I wanted it because I joke around about it or have made comments but I never told him to get it for me.
Today was the last straw with the most recent complaint. So I sat him down and asked him to please not purchase it anymore, that I no longer wanted it. He kept pressing asking me why and I just said I changed my mind, he was right we could spend money on something else for everybody.
It turned into a spat and he finally got it out of me that he ruined it. I explained that he complained so much about it, if I ever opened this as a gift from him I would just think about how much he did not want to get it for me, and every time I saw it on the wall I’d think of how he was so annoyed that he had to buy it, so I’d rather he just not.
He got super upset and said I ruined Christmas, so now I feel awful. He loves Christmas and asks to be surprised by his gifts every year. Which is why his behavior was so strange with this. It’s like he felt forced and I’m trying to tell him not to feel that way.
I said to please just let the kids make something for me or for them to pick out something special. Now we’re both upset and I’m feeling like I should just have kept my mouth shut.
This is such a stupid thing to worry about… I just also had had enough of him complaining about it. This isn’t what Christmas is about at all. I just want to spend time with my family, go to church, and watch the kids eyes light up and have a happy day. I don’t want to hear any of his complaints about getting this anymore… So, AITA? Did I ruin Christmas?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
ashkebane
NTA. you ruined nothing. His whining and complaining ruined it.
valkyrierl_
I completely agree. You didn’t ruin anything his constant complaining and making you feel guilty is what ruined it. You were just being honest about how you felt, and he should’ve respected that instead of making it all about his frustration OP. NTA.
Beth21286
OP should just buy it for herself. She does want it. She just doesn't want it with all his baggage. Don't let him ruin it. He seriously needs to grow up. Other people can like nice things, he doesn't get to set the terms.
Opinionated6319
What a passive aggressive AH. First he tells you what he’s buying you for Xmas. Ruins any joy of a surprise! That would do it for me! Then he complains that the money could go elsewhere, etc., etc., etc., and continues with his childish digs to the point you are so distressed, you don’t even want the item any longer. He sucked out all the joy of you wanting to own it.
You try to explain how his comments hurt and upset you, you ask him to just let it go, you really don’t want the art object any longer because he made so many negative comments, it would remind you of his reluctance to actually give the item to you as a nice gift/surprise.
Then HE blames you for ruining Xmas! Well, Scrooge, just tell that entitled, spoiled boob of a man-child, Bah Humbug…serves you right and I’m telling you everything you are getting for Xmas! 🤭 Big 🐘🐘🐘🐘in room is guy loves surprises and Xmas but seemed to get real joy out of ruining yours! 😡.
cowandspoon
NTA. Your husband is a bratty man-child and he needs to get over himself.
Exciting_Lack2896
NTA. He ruined Christmas and I wouldn’t be surprised if he was complaining either to get you to change your mind and not want the gift anymore or feel like you owe him for getting it for you.
bakeacake45
He got what he wanted, he doesn’t have to buy this item, which he hated, for you. He harassed and badgered you til the item itself lost all value to you. The question is, does he exhibit this controlling behavior in other aspects of your life? Does he do this to your kids…squash their passions so he can get his way?
You do not have to answer that question here…it’s more a question to get you thinking about the quality of your relationship, his lack of respect for you and what your kids see from their perspective and how it’s influenced them.