'AITA for telling my husband I’d rather raise a kid who stands up for themselves than one who blindly obeys?'
"AITA for telling my husband I’d rather raise a kid who stands up for themselves than one who blindly obeys?"
I’m 32F, my husband is 31M. We have a 6yrs old son, Leo. He’s a sweet, curious kid who’s really into dinosaurs and loves riding his little blue bike. Last weekend, I went grocery shopping while my husband stayed home with Leo. Apparently, Leo was outside riding his bike and left it in the front yard while he went inside to get water.
A few minutes later, our neighbor, Ms. Robert, came over saying her grandson (8M) saw Leo take his bike. My husband looked out, didn’t see Leo’s bike, and assumed the worst.
He confronted Leo, who insisted he didn’t steal anything. He said his bike was gone. My husband didn’t believe him and told him he was grounded, no TV, no tablet until he told the truth and apologized.
Leo refused, saying, “I didn’t take anyone’s bike! Why are you punishing me when I didn’t do anything?” Later that afternoon, Ms. Robert returned, visibly embarrassed. Turns out her grandson had taken Leo’s bike to the park because he thought it looked cooler. He made the whole story up to avoid getting in trouble.
When I got home, my husband explained the situation. I figured, “Okay, you’ll apologize to Leo and this will be a learning moment.” But nope he doubled down. He said Leo still needed to be punished for “disrespect” and “refusing to obey.”
I said, “So you want to punish him for telling the truth and standing up for himself?” He said, “It’s the principle. He needs to listen, even when he doesn’t agree.” And I said, “I’d rather raise a boy who knows how to stand up for himself than one who just lays down and accepts mistreatment. Especially when he’s innocent.”
We got into a pretty heated argument. He says I’m being unreasonable and dramatic and undermining him as a parent. But I don’t think I’m wrong for wanting to teach my son that it’s okay to say no when something is unfair, even if it’s coming from a parent. AITA?
Here's what people want to say about this one:
13surgeries said:
NTA. Your husband is mistaken. It would be wrong to teach Leo that he must obey, even when the order is wrong. If he ever gets accused of a crime, would your husband want him to admit he was the culprit even when he wasn't?
If a child in that situation calls the parent names or throws things, THAT would be disrespect. It's possible to be respectful AND stand up for yourself, and that's what Leo did.
Your husband should apologize for not believing Leo. Doing so would not decrease Leo's respect but increase it. Has your husband always been so authoritarian, or is this the first time?
fiestafan73 said:
Good grief, what kind of authoritarian did you marry? NTA.
Ashamed_Ad_4729 said:
NTA but your husband sure is. “it’s the principle” is what someone says to justify their own self righteousness. if your husband doesn’t change his approach, he’s going to alienate your son.
I disagree strongly with those saying “sometimes it is the principle”. there is never ever a justification for punishing a child based solely on principle. There has to be an underlying action. Leo did nothing more than verbally defend himself.
Old_Cheek1076 said:
If you’re undermining him as a parent, it sounds like it’s because he’s a crappy parent. NTA.
WarGeneral69r said:
ABSOLUTELY NTA. Why in the world would you want weak kids, especially in todays world, that makes no sense I’m sorry. You are in the right.
Fire_or_water_kai said:
NTA. The big lesson here is that your husband needs to show that when you mess up, you apologize. His fragile ego sees someone standing up for themselves as disrespect, and that is a HUGE problem you need to address with him.
Spotzie27 said:
NTA. Also your husband seems...not that smart. One, his reasoning about punishing Leo makes no sense. Also, why would him looking outside and not finding Leo's bike mean Leo stole someone else's bike? That doesn't prove anything...