'AITA for telling my husband that if he wants to say he does everything, then he can go ahead and prove it?'
"AITA for telling my husband that if he wants to say he does everything, then he can go ahead and prove it?"
Post_Mormon
I (25f) have been married to my husband (29m) for 5 years. I am a SAHM to 2 kids (4f) (1m). While I was making breakfast this morning, DH was breaking down boxes so he could take out the trash and recycling that had piled up over the last week while we were all busy with Halloween activities.
A box filled with packing peanuts got spilled when he picked it up, and one comment from him and spilling them ended up turning into a big argument about how I don't help with chores around the house.
For the record, the only 2 chores we agreed would be his responsibility were dishes and taking out the trash. Every once in a while I will ask for help with changing a diaper or feeding the kids the food I've already prepared, but the 2 main chores he has are dishes and trash.
I take care of their laundry, I take them places during the day for their education and entertainment (library, children's museum, etc) I try to fit a load of dishes in during nap time while our daughter eats lunch to try and help when the dishes are starting to get out of hand, and sometimes if he's particularly tired after a day, he'll ask me to help with dishes so he can go to bed.
Unfortunately for the past week, both the trash and the dishes went neglected while we were running around doing Halloween activities with the kids. So in the argument this morning he claimed that he does everything and has to beg me to do even just one load of dishes a month.
And now he's told our daughter that I'm being sarcastic because I left to go eat my portion of the breakfast I made for the family in our bedroom while he finishes figuring out how to get all the trash taken out, do a load of dishes, feed our son the eggs I made, and find a way to entertain our daughter and keep both kids out of trouble while he's busy.
And that's still not everything I do, because I managed to find a minute to do the kid's laundry earlier this week and I'm the one that made breakfast before the argument started. AITA for letting him prove he does everything if he's going to claim it?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
OhmsWay-71
NTA. Get “Fair Play.” Come at it from a place of wanting fairness and a solution. Tell him that you hear him, and you want to understand more how he is feeling. Ask him to go through fair play with you and divide the household chores so that it can feel more fair, and he has more choices.
It will quickly bring to light all that needs doing in a house and it will allow for real conversations about what needs doing and how often. Stop fighting. It will always be me against you and you need to be partners.
Straight_Reading8912
Don't play fair because he doesn't THINK it's fair right now. Tell him fine, you'll switch chores with him because he does SO MUCH MORE! Then kick up your feet and watch him sink.
While you're arranging this though, keep saying things like, I'm sorry I didn't realize how unfair we were sharing responsibilities and chores. I'm sorry for blah blah blah. Try to not laugh your butt off while doing this. THEN let him burn and laugh!
Penelope_2023
Y T A to your self. He only has 2 chores and doesn’t help feed the kids or change a diaper. It sounds like you have 3 kids not 2.
RogueAxiom
"You know what DH, I listened to your frustrations and I realized you are right, the work load at home is imbalanced. So I put out a few resumes and will return to work--part-time at first of course--and you can pick up working with the kids after you get in from work. I'll work evenings and you'll cook and get them to bed whilst I'm gone."
So lead with that and what your husband break into a million pieces. I'll say this on r/ loudly until the day I die:
The S-A-H parent has the harder job than the full-time worker!!!! There is no competition. So you DH can suck it--you spilled some packing peanuts, get a vacuum hose, buy better Hefty bags, but just STHU. I see this over and over again with SAHMs--just offer to work and the husband to do the kid stuff and watch it all fall apart!
RogueAxiom
"You know what DH, I listened to your frustrations and I realized you are right, the work load at home is imbalanced. So I put out a few resumes and will return to work--part-time at first of course--and you can pick up working with the kids after you get in from work. I'll work evenings and you'll cook and get them to bed whilst I'm gone."
So lead with that and what your husband break into a million pieces. I'll say this on r/ loudly until the day I die: The S-A-H parent has the harder job than the full-time worker!!!! There is no competition.
So you DH can suck it--you spilled some packing peanuts, get a vacuum hose, buy better Hefty bags, but just STHU. see this over and over again with SAHMs--just offer to work and the husband to do the kid stuff and watch it all fall apart!
TopAd7154
NTA. So freaking sick of men.
alwaysright0
NTA. Don't do anything. Feed the kids and yourself. Book yourself a weekend away next weekend. Don't prep anything before you go. Book yourself a weekend away next weekend. Don't prep anything before you go.
Pattyhere
My husband said that to me once. Three days nothing, I read a book, put my feet up, the house was trashed, no dinner, dishes, laundry everywhere. He never said it again.