'AITA for telling my husband not to talk to my daughter?' 'Wow, you're really butthurt?'
"AITA for telling my husband not to talk to my daughter?"
Tonight my husband (29M) went to a concert and left around 4:15pm. I (31F) put our toddler to bed around 7:30 and sometime after went to bed myself. She woke up around 11:45 so I went in her room to put her back to bed. My husband must’ve gotten home around this time and seeing that she was awake, came in to see her.
Having just been woken up, my quick response was get her back to sleep quickly. I thought if she saw him, she might get excited and not want to go back to sleep. She’s been in such a mom kick lately that I knew it would be me dealing with the fallout.
So before she saw him, I told him no and apparently pushed him away. I don’t remember pushing him (like I said I had just woke up), but I would’ve never pushed him hard.
When I left her room, he was getting ready for bed and I told him that I was sorry for not letting him see her, but was afraid she would get excited if she saw him and not go back to sleep. He didn’t say much. A few minutes later I could tell something was off and asked if he was mad at me.
He said something along the lines of “yes. I got home and you pushed me” I said I was sorry again and that I didn’t mean to push him and explained myself again. He was still upset. I got annoyed because I felt like it was a silly thing to be upset over and said something like “wow you’re really butthurt over that?”
Hindsight I feel like that was a mean thing to say. He said something along the lines of me victim blaming and we both just rolled over in bed and he went to sleep and now I’m up, unable to sleep, wondering AITA?
Here's what people had to say about this one:
nycgarbagewhore said:
YTA. Telling your spouse that they're "butthurt" because you physically pushed them is definitely an AH move.
Katiew84 said:
YTA. You say “my” kid, when you should be saying “our” kid. It isn’t just your kid. And you pushed him then made fun of him for being upset over it? Unacceptable. Definite control issues going on in this household.
wren_boy1313 said:
People don’t seem to realize this happened at midnight. That is not daddy-daughter time it’s please go to sleep so I/we can, too. I guess next time just hand the baby over and go to bed.
He wanted to keep her awake he can deal with trying to get her back to sleep. Also, as the sole caregiver I’m willing to bet you don’t have the energy to push anyone particularly hard. NTA.
KatCLed said:
NTA and I feel like all of these really dramatic yta either don't have kids or are uninvolved dads. Midnight is not the time for socializing with small people. If he possessed the skills to be able to get her to go back to bed, he wouldn't be so butt hurt over you trying to keep her from getting wound up.
Old_Inevitable8553 said:
YTA. Said it a million times before and I'll say it again. Being the mama doesn't mean you get to decide everything or tell daddy what to do. If he wants to see his kid, then he has every right to. Not only that but he's just as capable of putting her to bed as you. So he could've dealt with that while you go back to sleep.
But not only that, you were rude and downplayed his feelings. As if what he felt didn't matter at all. When the truth is he has every right to be upset and hurt by your bullshit. All of which you owe him a serious apology and a promise that you'll fix that controlling attitude of yours. It's the least you owe him.
Lulubelle__007 said:
YTA. Don’t push people. Don’t push your husband away from your shared child. I get you wanted her to sleep but so many people complain their partner doesn’t help parent, your husband was there and willing and you pushed him away. If he’d pushed you, my response would be the same. Keep your hands to your self.
wishingforarainyday said:
NTA he went out and had a good time and then wanted to disrupt your kids sleep. Would he be the one up with her until she got back to sleep? I imagine not. You should apologize again and then move on. He should know better than to do that.
MillyHughes said:
ESH. You didn't handle this great and everyone else has pointed out why. I will give you some grace though. We are never our best selves when we've been woken up in the night. I also completely understand why you didn't want him going in to see her.
Honestly I feel like a lot of the commenters here don't have kids or their kids are grown up. I would definitely have indicated to my husband to back off and not go in if I was in your shoes. In fact I have been in your shoes and my husband understood and quietly withdrew.
I get the need to want to go in, but your husband should have only approached her if he was going to completely take over and let you go back to sleep.
With any kid going through a preferred parent stage you automatically default to that parent in the night otherwise it just prolongs everything. At this point it's not about his feelings it is about doing what will give everyone a good night's sleep. He can see her in the morning.
MorningMaterial4170 said:
NTA. My baby is the same. She won’t be asleep if she gets more distraction from daddy. She’ll be all excited and it won’t end. Would be okay if he was the one to put her to sleep after that, but since he’s not, then he’ll have to see her tomorrow morning.
After reading the comments, OP edited the post to include:
My daughter has never been a great sleeper. She’s often up multiple times a night so he understand I’m always trying to get her back to bed as quickly as I can to prevent her from waking up fully or we would be up all night. She also doesn’t nap anymore.
I never keep my husband from my daughter. I encourage one on one time with them and push him to take her on more “daddy/daughter” dates. I give them one on one time quite often after he’s off work. I am always trying to include him in things we do as well.
Normally bedtime has been his time with her since I’m with her all day, but lately she’s been getting so worked up at bedtime he’s been asking me to do it and he’s trying to make up the time with her in other ways.
I have done some self reflection and have agreed with a lot of your points. I messed up. I intend to apologize again in the morning and make it right.