'AITA for telling a midwife I did not want her on my care team after she refused to treat me?'
"AITA for telling a midwife I did not want her on my care team after she refused to treat me and added false information to my chart?"
I am 38 weeks pregnant. Yesterday I had an appointment with a midwife I had never seen before. The medical assistant told me to dress down because I was scheduled for a cervical check and to get my 39 week induction set up, which they only schedule if you are dilated. I have high risk factors documented in my chart, and I had been having regular contractions since early that morning.
The midwife came in, barely swabbed me for my GBS test, and immediately told me she saw no medical reason to check my cervix and no reason to schedule an induction. She also insisted I was not high risk, even though my chart literally lists the risk factors that qualified me for earlier monitoring in the first place.
I tried to explain that I was actively contracting and had been since 3 AM, and she said, “I have been with you a couple minutes and I do not see you contracting.” She dismissed every concern I brought up, acted like I was wasting her time, and refused to provide any of the care I had been scheduled for. She also seemed extremely reluctant to touch me at all.
I am Mexican and she is white, and the way she spoke to me and shut me down made me feel like there was bias at play. I finally told her I did not like her attitude, we were not going to work well together, and I did not want her on my care team. She said “fine” and asked if I needed anything else. I told her to please leave so I could get dressed and go.
Later on, I checked my chart and saw that she documented a “history of victim partner ab**e.” I have never said anything even remotely close to that. It is completely false and incredibly inappropriate to add to my medical record. I felt sick seeing it.
I called the office manager to file a complaint because I am furious. This midwife refused scheduled care, dismissed real symptoms, ignored documented high risk factors, and added a fabricated abuse history to my chart. I want her nowhere near me or my pregnancy.
My partner thinks that telling her straight up that I did not want her involved in my care might have come across harsh. I feel like I was well within my rights to advocate for myself in that moment. So…AITA for telling the midwife I did not want her on my care team and filing a complaint about her conduct?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
evening_delay1856 wrote:
NTA. Your partner is wrong. But don’t be too mad at him. He’s just afraid you will be at risk because you asserted yourself. Go to the skies to get that remark removed from your chart. Include a lawyer from the beginning so they know you mean business. This woman needs to be fired for this.
OP responded:
I'm not even sure where to start. What kind of lawyer? Like a medical malpractice one?
Riotblack43 wrote:
There is no universe in which you are TA in this situation. This woman is very clearly bigoted and should absolutely not be involved in your care. I wouldn't stop at a complaint either, I'd be lawyering up and throwing phrases like "discrimination", "negligence", and "falsifying medical records" at the admin staff. They need to get this woman out of there before she kills someone. NTA.
OP responded:
Those are some big words for me 😅 I felt this way but I didnt want to be outright and SAY it. If you know what I mean.
classic_activiity_222 wrote:
NTA and please take your complaints to the highest level possible. If she did it to you, she will do it to other expectant moms. File a complaint with the licensing board.
OP responded:
I've never done that before and im not too sure where to start with doing that...is there a website online? A toll free number? Do I email them?
misscamels wrote:
NTA- honestly? You’re nicer than I would have been. I would have mass emailed everyone I could find about her horrifying behavior. Her boss? Gets an email. Their boss? Gets an email. Medical governing boards? Gets an email. Her mom? She gets a Facebook message (I kid, I’m not going there even if her mom should be hitting her with a flip flop.)
The icky care is one bad thing but wtf was she thinking with the abuse note? Either she doesn’t care and mixed up her notes (prolly not) or thinks it’ll have some effect on something…I don’t know but that’s a seriously bad touch. She shouldn’t be touching anyone else’s parts or charts.
OP responded:
I just wanted a cervical checks ☠️ but the way she dismissed me and treated me it got to the point where I was like- why am I arguing with her? It's not like I want her inside me at all after this. I felt like I could be dilated and she would say I wasn't.
the_bookworm65 wrote:
NTA. Your partner is a fool. Doesn’t he realize that she documented he is abusing you? If that’s not changed, how will they treat him in the delivery room. This is a huge breach with huge ramifications. Report all the way up to save not just you and your partner, but also the next person.
OP responded:
He's aware but he just brushed it off- I dont think he understands the ramifications that holds.
quats555 wrote:
NTA. If you are in the US, you have the legal right to have incorrect information removed from your medical record. That is federal law — part of HIPAA — not some “best practice” or office policy. Demand that the false statement be amended immediately. To take advantage of the law, you need to submit this in writing.
Naomeri wrote:
NTA—she was actively endangering you and your baby, and potentially sabotaging future care by adding false info to your chart.
She should be fired and investigated, because if she did it to you, she’s done it to others.
WholeAd2742 wrote:
Harsh? She should be reported to the licensing board and be threatened with a discrimination lawsuit for endangering you and your baby's health.
F her, and your husband needs to be protecting YOU. NTA.