'AITA for telling my MIL her experience as a nurse doesn’t matter?'

"AITA for telling my MIL her experience as a nurse doesn’t matter?"

My husband (both 30) finally started seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist about a year and a half ago. He’s gotten a few diagnoses- PTSD, MMD, autism, GAD, and BPD. They’ve told him that, even without talking negatively about his mom, it is very obvious he was raised and treated poorly by a narcissist.

His mom goes on weekly rants through text about how “horribly” everyone treats her and how my husband ruined her life by refusing to continue living with her and tolerating her treatment.

One of these was after her daughter, who has a 7 month old baby, took her out to run a few errands but refused to take her on side quests to places MIL didn’t tell her about before (because in the past, the side quests add 2-6 hours, she’s told her to give a full list of errands before so she can plan for a sitter or bring enough food/diapers for the baby).

The rant included stuff like “I was such a great mom to you 2. Why do you both treat me like crap?” And a bunch of patting herself on the back for not even doing the bare minimum when they were kids, trying to get him to say she’s a good mom, etc.

His response was saying “I have multiple diagnoses that come from being abused as a kid. My psychiatrist has seen your texts and says she’s convinced you’re a narcissist. Stop trying to act like you were a good mom even when you were better than you are now."

She immediately hit back with “just because your girlfriend took a psych 101 class in college doesn’t mean she’s a psychiatrist. It’s time in the field that counts” (yes, she knows we’re married. She insists on referring to me as his girlfriend anyways. Also, I wasn’t the one saying any of this- it was his actual psychiatrist.

I just have degrees pertaining to child development/psychology and SpEd- he’s not a child so he’s out of my scope) Skip to yesterday, she calls him for some guilt trip. He tells her he can’t talk, I’m sick and have a 10/10 migraine and burning body aches for going on 4 days, he wants to keep the apartment quiet so I can sleep through the pain. I was slightly awake and heard him say that part.

She calls me, it wakes me up, I answer with “someone better be dead” and she starts giving advice.“Take a hot shower”- no, that actually raises body temp and I already have a fever, plus it causes more pain. “Go for a walk”- seeing as I gave myself a mild concussion just walking to the bathroom, no.

“Take some antibiotics”- I have a virus, no. So I respond with “I’m not taking horrible advice from someone with no relevant experience” she tried to argue that she is a nurse. I said “no, you’re not. The world of medicine is constantly changing.

You were a wound care nurse until you were fired after stealing patients narcotics 20 years ago. Now you’re washed up and I wouldn’t trust you to treat a paper cut” And hung up. Now she’s spamming my husband's phone.

My fever might be influencing this- but I feel like an ahole, I was a bit harsh and I know that her brief time as a nurse was the closest thing she had to glory days. It’s the only bit of respect she ever had and still clings to by omitting the reason she “retired."

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Honest-Situation-738 said:

NTA. She sounds like she needs a reality check, and maybe this is it. It may be worth reminding her that lots of narcissist's children go no contact, and at this point she should probably be thankful you and your husband haven't.

WobbleTodd said:

NTA and she prefers blunt honesty doesn’t she. Since the abuse is constant, can you and husband go NC? She doesn’t deserve communication since she doesn’t listen. Just coordinate with husbands sibling so the can go NC too.

killer_sheltie said:

NTA, but, if she is a narcissist, you should know you won’t win any arguments with her. Don’t even try. Look up “grey rocking” and don’t engage. Or go no contact.

Level_Caramel_4285 said:

NTA. You‘re all encouraging her bad behavior by treating her respectfully and nicely. She claims she’s treated like crap, so start treating her to that expectation.

_gadget_girl said:

NTA you don’t have any hope of changing her. She deserved the blunt assessment of her abilities so don’t feel bad. Block her number and move on.

VexedVixen69 said:

NTA. I would've cut her off a long time ago. Like WTF my dude. I read where you cannot go NC but try to go LC AND grey rock TF outta her narcissistic butt.