'AITA for telling my MIL to stop calling herself 'Mom' to my baby?' + UPDATE
"AITA for telling my MIL to stop calling herself 'Mom' to my baby?"
I was so happy when I gave birth to my daughter four months ago. Shes my first child and honestly it's been a rollercoaster ride for me. My husband has been great but the problem started with his mom.
From day one my MIL has been very involved. She visited the hospital the day after I gave birth and was constantly hovering offering advice I didn’t ask for. I chalked it up to excitement. But then things started getting weird.
She began referring to herself as Mommy when holding my daughter. At first I thought I misheard. But she kept doing it. When I gently corrected her she laughed it off like I was being silly. I told my husband it made me uncomfortable and he agreed it was odd but didn’t want to confront her because according to him “that’s just how she is."
So I did. The next time she said it, I calmly said to her that, Please don’t call yourself Mom around my daughter. It’s confusing, and frankly, it’s not your role. She looked shocked then told me I was overreacting and that babies don’t understand titles at this age.
I stood firm and said, Maybe not now, but she will soon. And I’m her mom. You’re her grandma. That should be a special title too. She got upset and left early. Later that day, I got a long text about how I embarrassed her, how she was just expressing lov and how I’m being territorial and insecure.
Now some of my in-laws are saying I hurt her feelings and should apologize because it’s not like she’s trying to replace me. I don’t think I’m being insecure I just want clear. My baby will only have one mom. So… AITA for telling my MIL to stop calling herself “Mom” to my baby?
The next day, the OP returned with an update.
Thanks to everyone who commented reading your responses really helped me feel more grounded. I wanted to give an update because things definitely escalated, but in some unexpected ways.
So, after the confrontation and her dramatic exit, my MIL went full hurt grandma mode. She told extended family I banned her from seeing the baby (which I didn’t and that I accused her of trying to kidnap her granddaughter (???).
The group texts got wild. A few flying monkeys started chiming in about how I need help and how babies don’t care what you call yourself anyway. I didn’t respond to any of it. My husband finally stepped up and called her directly.
He told her she needed to respect boundaries or there would be consequences. She cried (again), said she was just trying to love the baby the way she knew how and that I was turning him against her.
She posted a photo of her holding our daughter on Facebook with the caption, Mommy’s girl. Publicly. Tagging family. That was my breaking point. I immediately texted her and said, "Until you can respect the fact that I am her mother not you we are going to take a break from visits."
My husband backed me up 100%. We’ve since limited contact to just polite texts and occasional check-ins and no in-person visits for now. She hasn't apologized. So far, life has been a lot more peaceful.
I’ve gotten some icy texts from a couple family members, but more surprisingly a few others reached out privately to say they had similar issues with her and respected how I handled it. Thank you for your support.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
But if she posted a picture with the baby calling herself mom isn’t that all the proof the family needs? Unless they are as crazy as her. And that instance then none of them need to be around. I’ve never had anything that crazy challenge my parenting thankfully but that would be a hard fuck off from me.
mapleandpancakes (OP)
I was so lucky with my husband but not with his family but I still I got his side and that matters the most.
I’d be so tempted to post something like this”MIL, if you’re calling yourself mother to this baby, it means you f***ed your own son. Is that what you’re trying to role play?! That you wished you had sex with your own child and produced a baby?!”
Those other people are part of the problem as well. When stuff like this starts, it needs to be called out. A couple people let it slide and she never learned her lesson, so now you have to be the one who gets the bad rap.
Personally, I would tell her you aren't the only one who had problems with her. Wouldn't go as far as to out them, but she needs to know she's fully in the wrong and it's not just you that thinks it.
Get a play frying pan & fake bop her on the head every time she says it & go “not the mama” … I hope some remembers the Dinosaur show lol
Report the post to Facebook. She can't post a picture of your baby making false claims the will temporarily suspended her account. It's a small victory.
I wouldn't let her near the baby ever again. She's giving unstable vibes. Get security cameras for outside, too.
Wow! I am glad your husband is supporting you, and that other people are aware of what’s going on. That woman needs help.
She told extended family I banned her from seeing the baby (which I didn’t and that I accused her of trying to kidnap her granddaughter (???)......she's telling on herself. she knows exactly what she's doing wrong.
Oh my gawd, thats next level crazy. I'm so glad your husband is backing you up and you got some validation from other family members. That's actually a little scary, like in "Hand that Rocks The Cradle" scary.