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'AITA for telling my mom and siblings they should learn to live with the consequences of their decisions?'

'AITA for telling my mom and siblings they should learn to live with the consequences of their decisions?'

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"AITA for telling my mom and siblings they should learn to live with the consequences of their decisions?"

These_Constant_7905

So my family is my dad, mom, my two sisters and my two brothers. I'm (17m) the oldest. My dad was estranged from his dad since he was my age. His mom died when he was 10.

So we never knew grandma either. My dad was open about the fact grandpa wasn't a very nice man and all kinds of stuff. But he never went into details. I know he really did a number on dad because I still sometimes see dad look ashamed if he spills something or makes a mistake.

I also know he tries to hold back any time he cries and looks downright disgusted with himself for crying. Three years ago his dad reached out and my mom and my sister (15) were SO excited and basically welcomed him into the family.

Dad said no way. He and mom fought a lot about it. My siblings all told dad they had a right to know our grandfather and he should love his dad. I was dragged along at first and I stopped going.

Dad has refused to have any part in it and he and mom fought because he told her his father was never going to step foot inside our house and if he did, then dad would leave and he would never come back. So mom takes my siblings to see him.

Christmas was a huge fight last year because they decided to spend it with this dude and my dad refused to go and so did I. My siblings started crying into dad's face that they wanted Christmas with him.

Mom was calling him selfish. She tried to do the whole "I'm your mother and you listen to me" and dad told her he's my father and I could stay with him if I wanted to. They're still sour about it but then dad took me out for his birthday and didn't come home until late because he found out they were planning to take him out to meet with his father.

My dad told my mom and my siblings since he cannot trust them with his birthday, he will only celebrate with the people he can trust now. I also heard him tell mom this couldn't continue and they needed to divorce.

Now my mom is freaking out because she doesn't want the divorce and my siblings are really upset. They told me I should help since dad and I are still close. I told them they should learn to live with the consequences of their decisions.

I pointed out to mom she was always big on us learning. I told them this is a big one. My mom told me my siblings are so young and don't deserve this. I told her it's all her fault because she undermined dad by making a point to demand he come in front of my siblings and so they think they can manipulate him and not listen. AITA?

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:

LowBalance4404

NTA and I can absolutely see this from your father's point of view. My relationship with my father is similar to your father's relationship with your grandfather and if someone tried to trick me into seeing my father or went around me to mend that fence, I'd be absolutely livid.

The OP responded here:

These_Constant_7905

He was also pissed she helped my siblings have a relationship with the guy. I can see he worries every time they go to see the guy.

LowBalance4404

I totally get it. I was in therapy for years to come to terms with my father, his actions, etc.

The OP again responded:

These_Constant_7905

I wish my dad got help when he was younger because I can see the strain it had on him and I hate it. My dad's the best and he loves us so much. It kills me to see this happen.

black_bongwater

"My dad was open about the fact grandpa wasn't a very nice man and all kinds of stuff. But he never went into details. I know he really did a number on dad because I still sometimes see dad look ashamed if he spills something or makes a mistake.

I also know he tries to hold back any time he cries and looks downright disgusted with himself for crying."

So this man literally hurt your father, then your mom and sister thought it would be wonderful if they reconnected????

And your father shared this sensitive and personal information with her because he thought her could trust her???? Why is your mom mad at him, you're absolutely right my guy. She did this to herself and her family. NTA at all.

scotswaehey

Why is your mother choosing Grandpa over her husband and marriage?. Why is having this man in her and your sibling life worth more to her than her husbands feelings? I am also going to add that there is no way Grandpa isn’t aware his presence is causing a potential divorce and he doesn’t care as he’s getting what he wants!

armoredalchemist611

Nta. I hope if your parents do divorce, you stay with your dad full time. Your mom and siblings might take it out on you once the divorce pushes through and blame you for it.

Ok_Media_0210

NTA. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Mom with a savior complex kept pushing an implied abuser of her husband back into his life with no regard of the actual victim's feelings and is now shocked that the husband reached his limit seeking divorce.

She's right, the siblings and OP did not deserve their family being torn apart but she didn't love them or her husband enough to see through her narcissistic behavior. You have every right to call out your mom for what the situation is and sadly, the burnt bridge to fixing this is slowly crumbling down.

Hopefully, your siblings will soonunderstand how big of a mistake your mom did to the family.

Wish you and your dad all the best.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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