Woman gives her mom an ultimatum: 'I won't go to the wedding if you wear THAT dress.' AITA?

"AITA for telling my mom I won’t attend a wedding if she wears a certain dress?"

My mom (60F) recently purchased a dress for my (24F) cousin’s (her nephew's) wedding. This is the first wedding in our family in about 25 years, so everyone is very excited.

She wanted to show me the dress and specifically said she wanted my honest opinion on it, and was aware the style of the dress was not similar to my personal style. I agreed and told her I can always appreciate a good look, even if it’s not something I would wear.

Here is where the issue began: the dress is 80% white. As soon as she walked out I told her that it is a pretty dress and she looks good, but she can’t wear it to a wedding. She went back and forth with me saying there is flowers on the front and that it’s not white, it’s cream.

I told her no matter if it’s cream, white, bone, or ivory, it is too white to wear to a wedding if that’s the main color. Once again, she said it wasn’t too white and she’s going to wear it. I then reminded her of the one big rule for most weddings, don’t wear white. She said “I’ve never heard of that and it’s a summer wedding."

I told her it’s a very well known rule, especially for people under 30. I also informed her that the bride would likely be very upset if she wore it. She seemed to think it wouldn’t bother the bride and that it’s not too white.

I finally told her that I wouldn’t go to the wedding at all if she wore it, as I would be too embarrassed knowing that my mother would do that to someone on their wedding day. Now, she is insisting on asking my sister for her opinion and thinks I was being a b. AITA?

Link to Dress for reference.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

SupermarketNeat4033 said:

NTA. You have a very reasonable concern that she's going to end up being a huge source of negative attention and you don't want to be standing next to the woman everyone is staring at and talked about for all the wrong reasons. And given the popularity of people "accidentally" spilling their drinks on wearers of white and off-white alike at a wedding, you don't wanna be in the splash zone.

I find it hard to believe that she's never heard that it's a social faux pas to wear white to wedding, but you can just have her google it and see thousands of examples of how this is common knowledge and the consequences it brings.

However, why doesn't she get the bride and grooms opinion on it? Why would your sister be the next person she asks? The person who's getting married should be who you ask what is appropriate to wear. And to that point, you should try and reach out to your cousin and give them a heads up.

However, even if they approve it doesn't mean the other guests won't have different opinions and she may still be talked about/gossiped about and you're still allowed to be uncomfortable at that prospect of that.

DgShwgrl said:

NTA but an easier option would be to take a photo (or share that link) with the happy couple and ask if it matches their dress code. Personally I think it looks like a dressing gown I'd wear on a beach holiday from the back so if they are having a black tie event it could be inappropriate even before we consider the obvious faux pas of being too white.

firstname_m_lastname said:

NTA. Not only is it rude to wear a white dress to a wedding, that dress in particular looks like a bathrobe. So, it’s bad on two fronts and should be avoided at all costs!

sarahmegatron said:

NTA. No white at a wedding is a very well know rule to people your mother’s age as well. My grandmother (80) told me that rule when I was a kid, and I’m like 45 now. People might not say anything directly to her face, but they will notice and might talk about her later.

Your sister will tell her the same thing you did, also tell her to ask any other relatives that are her age and THEY will tell her the same thing. It’s a very pretty dress and your mom should keep it for a different occasion, but for the wedding she needs to find one in a different color.

yikes7773 said:

NTA. Ugh why do older women do this. She knows it’s white. Show her this post and tell her to get over herself. The day is not about her.

pokeofroanoke said:

The dress looks like a bathrobe. So that’s the first issue. I think people have gotten super intense about the not wearing any stitch of white to a wedding. But why is she so insistent about this one dress? It doesn’t seem like a dress that’s going to be intensely flattering on anyone. Surely she can find something that won’t accidentally offend.

NTA, but maybe try a softer approach. It sounds like she’s defensively digging in her heels because she’s surprised by your reaction. Tell her you’ll go shopping with her to find something in another color.

RepublicTop1690 said:

It's a white bathrobe. Nobody wears a white bathrobe to a wedding unless that's the stated dress code. You are NTA, and your mom is a maroon.

dystopiadattopia said:

NTA. The fact that your mom can't simply accept long-standing tradition and just wear another dress indicates that she wants to be the center of attention. Is that how she is?