'AITA for telling my mom nobody is forcing her and her husband to attend my wedding?'
"AITA for telling my mom nobody is forcing her and her husband to attend my wedding?"
VariationOk628
The story of my conception and birth is complicated. My parents were together and broke up and mom got straight with her husband. She wasn't sure which of them was my father because dad and her broke up on Tuesday and she and her husband started dating Friday.
But sex was involved in the same week. They were young (19/20) at this time. Dad paid for a DNA test when I was born and it proved he was my father. My mom's husband was apparently devastated because he wanted me to be his and we'd be a perfect little family of three.
My dad was a part of my life from the start. My mom and her husband eventually got married. The relationship between the three was messy and complicated. My mom's husband tried to buy dad off so he wouldn't go through with the DNA test.
Mom's husband wanted his name on my birth certificate. Dad said no to the money. So they weren't best buddies or anything and co-parents is a stretch too. My mom disliked that my dad had dated someone else after her, while she was pregnant, but started before he knew.
For some reason mom has a big problem with that even though she had also moved on and didn't know who my father was. It's still something that bothers her.
Growing up I always felt more at home with dad. He was the better parent and he grew up. He was jealous of my mom's husband, I'm almost certain, but he never said that to me and he never put that on me.
Meanwhile my mom's husband told me he could have been my dad when I was 10 and he admitted to trying to get dad to leave me and how he wouldn't take the money. But he was saying this like my dad was the bad guy for refusing.
He would also try to talk me into inviting him over my dad to fatherly activities. My mom always seemed kinda overly obsessed with my dad's love life and less into being a parent. She'd also tell me she wished her husband was my dad. When I was 14 I chose to stay with my dad full time instead of having two homes.
When I got engaged earlier this year I asked my dad if he'd do the traditional father of the bride wedding things (walk me down the aisle, father/daughter dance) and he said yes. My mom's husband was hurt and angry I didn't ask him to do anything.
He complained to me and told me it would make more sense for him to do it. I said no. This is when mom said if I'm willing to treat her husband, the man who deserves the title of dad from me (her words), like this then maybe they shouldn't come to the wedding.
I told her nobody is forcing them to come. She's been pissed for a few weeks now and told me I'm so ungrateful to say something like that. She also told me they are just as much my parents as my dad is and I treat them differently. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Large-Historian4460
NTA the dna test says he's your dad, he acted like your dad more than step-dad, you've lived with him since 14. just because your mom and her husband wanted you to be their kid does NOT mean they should have used underhanded, dirty tactics to try to pretend you're their kid.
People who treat a kid like that, biological parents or not, are not gonna be called mom and dad by their kids. furthermore your mom is a hypocrite about your dad's behavior when she did that exact same behavior and caused this situation. take back their invite for your mental health.
VariationOk628 (OP)
Yep! The way they tried to get me away from my dad, or tried to present me as a kid they made together, are wrong. They would have lied to me my whole life if dad hadn't been the guy he is.
If he took that money I never would have found out the truth and there is important medical info I have from dad's side that became essential over time. But my mom and her husband would still prefer to act like it was spontaneous than say it's family history. That would have been so bad for me. But hey, at least I'd be "theirs".
Large-Historian4460
you just can't argue with people like that. i don't even get their problem, though. if they want a kid that is the 2 of them then just have a kid instead of pretending someone else's kid is their kid. and the medical history part is especially concerning. wtf.
VariationOk628 (OP)
They have kids together now. That's the other weird part about it. It's not like they never got to fully raise kids together. They have six together. But I'm still the kid that made the family a little less perfect I guess.
TheGoodJeans
NTA. Your wedding, your choices. If they don't like it, then they need not attend. You did nothing wrong. Period.
Hairann
NTA, let the trash take itself out. They caused you to treat them differently due to their creepy and somewhat controlling behavior when you were growing up. I'm surprised you'd want them there at all if this is still how they are behaving after you literally chose to live with your dad instead of split.
Unhappy-Quail-2645
NTA. A good and true parents doesn’t make you choose between them. Your mom sounds like she’s jealous of your relationship with your dad.
Alfred-Register7379
Nta. Your mom is a drama queen. Really, she wants to control what's going on in your dad's bed? Really? Manipulative, much? Block both until after the wedding. You will hear nothing else, except this argument for years to come.