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'AITA for telling my mom that she should back off and respect my sister’s wedding plans?' 'She demanded a wedding.'

'AITA for telling my mom that she should back off and respect my sister’s wedding plans?' 'She demanded a wedding.'


"AITA for telling my mom that she should back off and respect my sister’s wedding plans after she demanded a wedding?"

I (23F) have an older sister named C (29F) who just got engaged to her fiancée F (30M) less than a week ago. The entire family is incredibly happy for them and we think they are perfect for each other but here’s where everything is going to sh%t. C and F are adamant about not having a wedding and have said outright that they would like to elope.

They would rather take the money for a wedding and use it to travel to Japan for their honeymoon, which me and my other siblings are fully supportive of. However, our mother found that totally unacceptable. She became incredibly agitated and confronted me and my other siblings and told us that we needed to convince C to have a wedding.

We asked her why she couldn’t just accept and respect that it wasn’t her relationship, that it’s not her wedding to plan, and that they’re only days into their engagement and should just be enjoying their time together but she refused to listen.

I told C that our mom was demanding to know her wedding plans and demanding that they have a ceremony so she texted our mom privately and told her that there was no timeline and that if any wedding plans changed C would let our mom know herself.

Now for some background: My mom got pregnant with C at 19 and never got to have a wedding because she was paying for custody battles with her biological father. She had a civil ceremony with no witnesses at the court house with my dad. She frequently laments about not having a “proper” wedding.

Now, here is where I have a problem. when we asked her why she was demanding a wedding she said word for word “she took away my opportunity to have my own wedding. She owes me this wedding and I will not have her take it away from me twice.”

She believes that because she got pregnant with C and had to pay for custody battles, it’s C’s fault she never had a wedding. We were utterly horrified. C never asked to be born, our mom made the decision to keep her (though we love that she did keep her), and it wasn’t her fault that our mom and her biological dad split.

We think it’s completely insane and out of line to demand a wedding from C based on her own life decisions. We got into a huge argument because I told her that she needs to back off and stop meddling in the wedding planning. AITA? Do I need to be more understanding that she didn’t get to have a wedding?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

wtfaidhfr said:

Let me guess...Mom isn't even offering to help pay for the big blow out wedding she's demanding too? NTA.

hBoBh said:

NTA. Your mom could have easily had a big wedding, or even renewed her vows w/ your dad at ANY point in the last 19 years. lemme guess, this isn't the first time she's blamed something on your oldest sister, or any of the other kids.

Having-hope3594 said:

NTA. You have to continue to stay hard line with your mom. Her thinking is indeed warped. She cannot use your sister as a way to heal her past disappointment.

ArtShapiro said:

NTA. Ask your mom just whose wedding she thinks it is. She is outrageously out of line for trying to make such a demand.

Artistic_Tough5005 said:

NTA Your mom needs therapy. She is ridiculous blaming your sister who was a baby because she couldn’t afford a wedding. I don’t want a wedding ceremony either. I want a big beautiful ring and a long trip(my partners wishes as well) no guests no stress.

Suchafatfatcat said:

NTA. Your sister is lucky to have you watching her back. Is this behavior a one-off for your mom, or, has she always been entitled?

Lurker-78 said:

NTA. If I was your sister, I’d elope and not tell your mom until afterwards.

Sources: Reddit
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