'AITA for telling my aunt I couldn’t help with her legal issue?'

"AITA for telling my aunt I couldn’t help with her legal issue?"

I’m 23F, finishing my law degree (not from the US so timeline is different) and currently focused on my dissertation. I’m not admitted yet and will be starting at a firm next year, so I’m cautious about what I say regarding legal matters. I live at home and my aunt visits our home frequently, and most of the time it’s to ask for help understanding something “legal.”

She used to do the same with my dad (who isn’t a lawyer), asking him to read judgments and interpret court decisions. During a recent dinner at our place, she asked me what I was doing this summer and I told her I’m working on my dissertation and balancing that with some time off.

She dismissed that and repeated that well you have nothing on so help me with my case. I reiterated that I’m committed to my dissertation. I still tried to be polite and asked her what the drama was about so she could vent. Instead of answering me, she explained the entire situation to my mother in another language I don't understand, so I wasn’t able to follow any of it.

After she left, my mum told me I was rude and should have acted more willing to help. She said that if I had sounded more enthusiastic (her example being "yes what is going on tell me so I can help you!!"), my aunt would have spoken in Canto/Mando.

She also said I should have offered to “refer her to someone,” even though I don’t know anyone in her area of law and would simply be searching the internet like anyone else. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened. On a separate occasion, this aunt asked me to find a lawyer for her friend.

I found one on Google that seemed reputable and basically told her that they look good based on reviews on GOOGLE, but I can’t personally vouch for them since I don’t know anyone in that field nor anyone who works at that particular firm. My mum said the disclaimer made me sound unhelpful and that I should have just handed over the name with more enthusiasm.

I think a bit of context of my families ethnic background may be relevant? My mum is Asian and grew up with cultural expectations around helping extended family and showing willingness, even if you can’t ultimately do much. My dad is white and I grew up in a Western country, so I tend to communicate more directly which sometimes leads to mismatched expectations between us.

Also, I’ve tried explaining that in law you have to be upfront about your limitations and avoid giving the impression you can guarantee anything, especially when you’re not admitted. But of course, my mum thinks I’m taking things too seriously and that no one would interpret my words that literally, even though on the off chance they did take it seriously, I would be the one bearing the burden, not her.

The disagreement ended up souring the mood in the whole house, and now I’m being treated as though I was rude during dinner.

AITA for being honest about my boundaries and what I can realistically offer?

ETA: I forgot to mention but my aunt is in the business of property investments. She's hired really expensive lawyers before with cases that have gone up to the Supreme Court. Chucking it in just in case it is relevant.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

No-Sea1173 wrote:

You're NTA. It's sounds like a fairly typical Chinese vs Western misunderstanding, right? Your mum might be right, that your aunt wouldn't take it that seriously.

But I would be like you - very cautious to give advice or referrals when I don't know, its this early in my career, and especially to someone with her own experience of court and contacts. Is it worth asking your mum why your aunt is asking you instead of her own circle? Why doesn't she use her former lawyers?

OP responded:

She lost the case at the start and every time her lawyers appealed they have lost. So effectively now thinks they are useless!

Alisana wrote:

NTA. I'm from an Asian household and my primary job is in IT. Additionally, I have a small IT consultancy business on the side. Mum used to volunteer me to help out friends and family repeatedly with their IT issues for free. I was horribly horribly guilted every single time to help out for free and given so many excuses for why they can't afford to pay.

Fast forward a bit, I wanted to branch out into less technical work and started studying makeup artistry. As part of this, we covered things like public liability and legal matters especially in situations where people have reactions or hygiene practices aren't followed.

To help understand my coverage and responsibilities, I hired a lawyer to go through risks and recommendations and the recommendation was to organise tight contracts, ensure I had different tiers of insurance (especially public liability and indemnity) and to never do anything for free.

I've applied this same logic with my IT work now and basically decline to offer any free services or advice anymore stating that "Sorry, because of how my insurance operates, I can only provide support/assistance to contracted clients."

It has shut down every single free request for 'fixing someone's computer' completely.

While you aren't in the same profession, you can use similar justification: "Sorry, as I am not fully qualified/practicing/part of a firm/licenced, I can't help with your question."

"When we are qualified, we are not only licensed, but we generally take out professional liability insurance in the event we give incorrect advice as we can be held responsible for it. I don't have that license or insurance, so if I gave you bad advice, I could seriously harm your case with no way to remedy it."

This may help next time, but don't be afraid to cut them off and advise you cannot help. You may need to repeat it multiple times and say, "Sorry, but it wouldn't be appropriate for me to hear your side out until you speak with a licensed professional in case there are disclosure or privacy issues that may compromise your case."

TLDR, feel free to advise anything you say may harm their case and justify your response by saying you are unlicensed and don't carry professional liability.

Two_bears_high-fiving wrote:

NTA, you have boundaries which everyone should have but also your only still in learning your close but not fully qualified from what I gathered. Even if you were qualified it would conflict of interest if any advice you gave her got traced back to you.

No one should ever pressure you into doing something you don't want to do even if it's family, it would be no different than having a builder in the family and expecting a free loft conversion simply because they are family. Life don't work that way.

You keep doing you and don't let anyone pressure you or guilt trip or coerce you, I was quite shocked that your own mother doubled down on you too that was f'ed up.

grantsofleeds wrote:

NTA: your aunt needs to hire a lawyer and stop expecting you to provide legal advice when you aren’t qualified. Separately, even if you were, beyond light advice she should be paying for your services like anyone else. I agree this is probably a cultural disconnect HOWEVER, it is your life and sometimes you just have to buck culture.

I’ve been there and it can absolutely be difficult to step outside of what your family expectations are, but if allowed to this aunt will keep taking advantage. If I were you I’d speak to your mom and dad (maybe at the same time) and just explain what you’ve explained here, your mum might take longer to come around but at some point, it does become your life. Good luck 👍🏾