Someecards Logo
ADVERTISING
'AITA for telling my boyfriend that his family made a bad impression?'

'AITA for telling my boyfriend that his family made a bad impression?'

ADVERTISING

"AITA for telling my boyfriend that his family made a bad impression?"

My boyfriend and I went to his sister’s wedding over the weekend. It was the first time I met his family. We left Thursday evening and came back yesterday. For context, my boyfriend James is British, while my family is not, so this might be a contributing factor as to why the weekend was pretty uncomfortable. Which it was.

On the way home yesterday, James was talking about meeting my family sometime soon, and I said maybe when my dad is next in town (he lives in Spain). James joked he hoped he’d pass the dad test and I said my dad isn’t that kind of parent.

I made some joke about this weekend being a “Balmoral test” and if I passed. James got kind of squirmy and said it wasn’t a big deal, but I didn’t make the best impression on his family. I obviously asked what he meant.

Things I apparently did that were faux pas:

  • Woke up too early and dressed for breakfast

  • Chose to go to pick up food with my boyfriend and his dad rather than staying with his mum and sisters

  • Wasn’t friendly enough to the kids

  • Didn’t eat enough

  • Said no to too many offers (snacks, tea, shower gel)

  • Bought wine I liked at a supermarket

Now, I completely respect their right to feel how they feel about the things that I did. I may not agree, but between cultural and personality differences, if they just didn’t like me that is fair enough.

However, I feel like it was a bit unnecessary of James to mention this to me. It seemed like he was fishing for some kind of apology from me. I said as much and James said he was just being honest. I said that in the interest of being honest his family made a bad impression on me too.

Things I mentioned that made me uncomfortable:

  • Badgering me about my eating habits

  • Calling me “stunted” because I went to boarding school

  • His mother not allowing me to do anything for myself, such making my own tea

  • Repeatedly trying to convince me to play with his sister’s kids and telling them to bother me when I said no

  • His teenage cousins making extremely inappropriate remarks to me at the wedding

  • The whole family getting absolutely paralytic at the wedding

James said I was being cruel about his family and that I should have kept my comments to myself. He said he was just trying to make the point that I should loosen up when I next see his family, not saying there was something wrong with me, but I had basically called his family uncouth thugs.

I disagree there’s any difference in what was said. AITA for responding to his comment with my own feelings?

Here's what top commenters what to say about this one:

lynfaix said:

NTA but this isn’t a “British” thing. This is a “his family are judgemental AH’s” thing. I’m British - none of what you mentioned is a cultural difference. I also believe it’s a case of “don’t dish it if you can’t take it” with your response…If he didn’t want you to be that honest? Well, he simply shouldn’t have started the conversation.

OP responded:

I have been told the excessive drinking is normal in some parts of the UK 🤷‍♀️

[deleted]

In the same way it is “normal” elsewhere as well, yes. Britain isn’t the only place binge drinking exists. I’ve been to Spain, France, Netherlands, Germany etc. binge drinking culture spans continental Europe as well. I literally have family that live in all the aforementioned places.

OP responded:

No, of course not. But I’ve never seen people as committed to being falling down drunk at a wedding as at that one. Like middle aged men unable to stand up. And I mentioned this to a friend who is part English and she said it wasn’t considered that weird in some parts of the UK.

I’ve lived in several countries in Europe, I know there’s binge drinkers everywhere. But in my experience that behaviour isn’t considered appropriate at family events/weddings.

His family sounds s^%$st as well. You were supposed to stay with the other women instead of going with the men and, of course, it's your job to entertain kids because, again, you are a women, right?

Also: how were you supposed to have breakfast? I mean, most people don't feel comfortable being arounds people they just met wearing pijamas.

OP responded:

Well, they were all in their pyjamas, and apparently the fact that I showered, got dressed, did my make up etc. before breakfast made them uncomfortable. But that’s just what I do when there are guests in my home or I’m a guest in someone else’s. No one but my family or close friends sees me in a state of undress, I think that’s not polite.

RoyallyOakie said:

NTA...So he's allowed to tell you how his family feels, but you're not supposed to say anything? That's rich. Just be yourself and have no regrets.

C_Majuscula said:

NTA. He opened up the "let's criticize people" discussion, you just participated with your impressions of the weekend. If he expected an apology after that, you aren't compatible.

Unplannedroute said:

NTA they’re jealous and insecure. Boarding school AND American? They ran you through the wringer to feel better about themselves and your bf just wants you in your place. The drinking behavior is a red flag, I don’t care if that behaviour is normalized here, it’s a red flag.

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this couple?

Sources: Reddit
© Copyright 2025 Someecards, Inc

ADVERTISING
Featured Content