'AITA for telling my brother he can’t bring his dog on our family weekend away?'

"AITA for telling my brother he can’t bring his dog on our family weekend away?"

I'm 39M and I'm starting to think I have started a family argument over what I thought was a simple request.

My brother (37) is obsessed with his Labrador, but I told him his lab can't come on a weekend getaway.

Now my brother is threatening to skip the trip and the family is divided. AITA?

My wife and I had planned an anniversary treat for my parents as they were celebrating their 50th. We booked a country house that could accommodate me, my wife, two kids, parents, brother, his wife and kid.

We also booked a private chef for one night.

The house has a no pets rule. The chef also needs to be free of pets whilst setting up and cooking. I thought this would be fine by everyone.

My bro has always been glued to his lab taking her everywhere. When I told my brother about the rules he got upset and said his lab was like a daughter so should be there. To try and accommodate her he suggested leaving the dog in the car whilst the chef was there and said no one would ever find out.

I tried to shut this down by saying it was against the rules and I don't want his dog barking or running loose whilst we are trying to relax with the kids. My youngest is also a bit fearful of dogs and pet hair can be a bit of a trigger for their asthma.

Things got a bit heated and my brother said he'd bring the dog anyway

I lost it a bit and said if you can't do this for a special occasion then maybe you should stay home.

He stormed off, and he’s now told our parents he’s not coming unless the dogs allowed. Mom says I’m being too harsh and should “work it out” with the house owner and make arrangements with the chef. Dad thinks he's being a bit of a brat and it’s my call since I’m paying for it.

I feel bad because me and my bro usually get along great, and I want him there for Mom and Dad. I even offered to cover a dog sitter or a kennels for the weekend, but he called that “offensive” and said the dog isn’t “just a pet.” AITA for sticking to my guns? Do I try to find a compromise, or is my brother out of line here?

The internet did not hold back one bit.

greekamericandom wrote:

NTA. "his lab was like a daughter"

You know at some point, it is healthy for parents of real kids to vacation without them.

Stick to your guns. If he chooses not to go, that's his choice. And yes, he is being an AH about all of this.

"My youngest is also a bit fearful of dogs and pet hair can be a bit of a trigger for their asthma."

Just the rules of the situation should be enough, but this right here should override any other consideration he has about bringing the dog. It won't be healthy for a child. End of story.

OP responded:

Thanks for seeing my pov completely. It's a straightforward situation in my eyes.

jigjoy wrote:

NTA.

If your brother, that is almost 40 btw, can't comply and respect one simple rule for one weekend...maybe he truly shouldn't go 🤷‍♂️

Living-Assumption272 wrote:

You said he’s both “obsessed with” and “glued to” his dog. Are you sure there isn’t a part of you that booked a no pets accommodation because you don’t like your brother’s attachment to his dog? It seems strange that you use this language but thought it would be okay with him.

OP responded:

When looking for accommodation, the nicest ones had the no digs rule and wanted to make it special for my parents I should have also mentioned the dogs not too well trained.

Fancy_introduction60 wrote:

ESH OP, while I initially thought NTA, I've decided nope, you're both being assholes. You SHOULD have had a conversation ahead of booking. While there are almost no short term rentals that allow pets you still should have let him know. So, the conversation would have been, bro, we can't accommodate your dog. But we'd love to have you join us.

EfficientSociety73 wrote:

NTA. Your Dad is correct. Your brother is being an asshole (apparently I can’t say b*rat) per the rules of the sub. Regardless the house has a no pets rule. That should be the end of the discussion right there. Add to that dog hair aggravates your human daughters asthma and just no. If he can’t accept that, he can stay home with his dog.

Practical_Winner_739 wrote:

NTA. He's a whole grown man he can deal with it. If the dog can trigger an asthma attack, that alone is enough. If he can't take one day and separate himself from his pet, he may need to look into that a bit bc its not normal or healthy.

TemporaryInitial6143 wrote:

YTA. You likely knew this would be an issue before you booked a "no pets" house. Judging by some of your other comments, sounds like you did it purposely so your brother couldn't bring the dog. I wouldn't attend of i were him and his family.

EdJardin wrote:

NTA. It's not a hotel, you rented a house. They have cameras, they will absolutely know if there is a dog in the house. Yes, you can work it out with the chef for one night, but that won't help with actually staying there. Can you reach out to the property owner and tell them the situation at all?

They (likely) won't make an exception, but they CAN send you, in writing, what the consequences are, complete with extra fees. Then you can give that to your family. Pets are family to a lot of us, me included, but that doesn't make them actual humans, and there are just some places where our loved furry friends are not allowed to be.

This isn't a matter of sticking to your guns or even finding a compromise. What you need is to be able to provide real-world consequences for breaking the agreement of the space you are renting.

Valkrhae wrote:

NTA. This is a weekend trip you planned. If this was an event specifically for your brother, that'd be one thing. But this is a gift to parents, so they're the ones you need to accomodate. Frankly, you're being kind by opening the invitation to your brother's family. It is entirely on them if they want to accept or decline for whatever reason.

Wanting to bring the dog is not the same thing as having to bring the dog, and part of being a pet owner is accepting that not every place allows them. If he refuses to go without the dog, that's his choice.

MOLPT wrote:

NTA <>

"It's already worked out -- no dogs. Bro is free to get a dog sitter, use a kennel, or stay home with his dog and pout."