'AITA for telling my brother to leave my wedding after he turned up uninvited?'

"AITA for telling my brother to leave my wedding when he turned up uninvited?"

I (23M) and my Wife (22F - who we will just call Jenna) just got married 3 weeks ago. The ceremony was amazing and we overall are really exited to be a married couple!

We started dating 2 years ago. Despite kicking off really well, we came to the agreement 3 months in that we wouldn't get serious for a few months. A few months turned to a year before I eventually proposed. My family was very excited about this news. All apart from one. My brother (who we shall name Patt - fake name for obvious reasons) and I wasn't really shocked.

Patt wasn't much into family news. He wasn't outcast from the family, nor did he take himself out. He just never really cared for family news and we respected that.

Planning started soon after the engagement and the conversation of the guest list came up quite quickly. The list was what you expected. The MILs, The FILs, the Siblings etc. however the conversation turned dim when Jenna asked for Patt to not appear at the Wedding. I was quite curious as to why. I wanted my brother there and I still believe she knew that.

She responded with this - "I just think he won't appreciate it much. We also just aren't on good terms right now." I was confused but I just went along with it. I told her that he would be on the list for now and left it at that.

The next time I saw my family. I asked them about their opinion on Jenna. I got the obvious one such as: 'She's Beautiful' 'I would've married her too, you got lucky' and 'You two were just meant for each other.' But Patt said something that just confused me.

He said - "I think she isn't right for you. You shouldn't marry such a B-word and I think you should call of the marriage before you seal the mistake you're making." Everyone was shocked at this obviously. However they ended up quickly forgetting it as well. He didn't speak much, and the day was overall a forgettable one.

I immediately told Jenna however. She didn't seem shocked, and she explained how this would be the usual conversation she would have from him. We instantly agreed to get him off the guest list and sent the invitations soon after.

Jenna's Parents - who I had a great relationship with at the time ( and still do ) - supported our decision as I was quite worried this would set something off. My family however just stayed silent, something they normally would do with controversy - so I knew something was off.

Unfortunately, I couldn't see them before the wedding so I wasn't able to ask them. When texting them, they just shoved it away. Something was clearly off. Follow through to the wedding, and the ceremony is close to starting. Around 20 minutes before hand and I see my family come in and sit down. One of whom, is Patt.

I politely tell him how he has to leave after this ceremony immediately as he wasnt fully invited - something me and Jenna talked about doing incase of this happening. My parents immediately became furious, saying how he can't miss any of the big day no matter what.

I keep trying to explain to them that this is what me and Jenna agreed on if he did show up uninvited however they refute to give it up until a staff member of the church asks them to be quiet.

After the ceremony, I tell Patt to leave immediately now the ceremony is over. But even at this point he refuses, despite knowing he wasn't even on the guest list to begin with. Eventually this becomes a big scene and I have to push him out myself as he would not move.

Ever since, I have been supported by Jenna's side of the family. Yet yelled at by my family. This has gotten to the point where I have had to go no contact with my dad just to keep my mental health stable. So, AITA?

This is what people had to say to OP:

Sewasmiles said:

Reading between the lines of your story, there seems to be some sort of history between Jenna and Patt. What's the story with them?

KatzRLife said:

What happened? Did your brother hit on her and she turned him down, thereby becoming a b-word in his opinion? Did Jenna hold a boundary and he didn’t like it? Why was that “how this would be the usual conversation she would have from him”? Something happened & you need full disclosure so you can put your family or your new wife in their place - depending on who’s in the wrong.

If Patt was a jerk for no good reason, you’re NTA and your family needs to calm down. If he had good reason but didn’t tell you what it was, hwta. If your wife truly only had him off the list because he didn’t seem excited, swta. If you don’t get to the real reason this all happened, ywbta.

Dotfromkansas said:

I would have not married her until she explained wtf was going on.

hayyy_jude said:

I think it’s insane you didn’t dig deeper into this before marrying her, I’m not saying she’s wrong but shouldn’t your wife be honest with you? Her reasoning was not good enough.

And Blonde2468 said:

Pat and Jenna have a past. You need to find out what it was ASAP. You should have done it before you got married, but that's too late now.