'AITA for telling my brother's wife we can't all have rich parents like her and her siblings?'
"AITA for telling my brother's wife we can't all have rich parents like her and her siblings?"
My brother Nicky (25m) is married to Liza (24f). They were at my parents house on Sunday for dinner and Liza really annoyed the crap out of me, something that isn't new, and I said something in anger and I might be TA for it maybe.
So Liza has a wealthy family. They paid for her and her siblings' college expenses 100%. They paid for Nicky and Liza's house. They paid for their wedding. They're paying for one of their sons' weddings this summer.
They can afford all that. Liza has always been very... open, if trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, about it. She never hid the fact she came from money and was never shy about saying her parents pay for so much for her and her siblings.
Liza doesn't understand that we're not all that lucky. I'm 19f, work full time and I still live with my parents. We couldn't afford college. I didn't get the grades for a scholarship.
Struggled enough through school that getting into massive debt for college when I could end up flunking seemed like a bad move for me. So I focus on working and I applied for a couple of training programs close to my parents house so I could try and do better without risking debt for nothing.
Liza looks down on me so hard for living with my parents still and for not going to college. Sunday she talked about how all her siblings attended college, how three of them are still in college, living there and doing just fine. How they'll be able to buy houses right out of college. How even she and my brother could do it.
My parents said politely that not everyone can do all that. But then she talked about being 19 and not in college or living on my own and how I should really try so much harder.
I snapped at that moment and I told her we can't all have rich parents who can afford to pay our ways through college, for our weddings, and for our houses. I told her my parents didn't have that kind of money and neither did I, so we were doing our best in this sh%tty f%cking economy.
Liza told me I'm just lazy and making excuses and she stormed out. Nicky left a while after and he was pretty quiet. Liza used his phone to send me 30 texts three days later demanding I apologize and tearing me a new one for not doing it without being told and I know it was her because she texts in a very specific way. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Late_Confidence8101 said:
NTA. Liza had no right to judge you or to voice her opinion about what you are doing with your life. It sounds like her negative comments are untrue - she accused you of being lazy but you are working full time and seeking out opportunities to better yourself.
College is not for everyone and as you said it could lead to significant debt. It is not uncommon for 19 years olds to be living with their parents in this economy. She clearly has a very entitled perspective - not many people can afford to buy houses straight of college!
Unless you haven't included things that you said in your response, I don't see that you said anything that you need to apologize for. You simply told her that neither you nor your parents had the funds to make college or moving out happen. She was the one that made nasty comments to you so if anyone should apologize it would be Liza.
Dittoheadforever said:
You're NTA. Your sister in law is living in a delusional dream land. Her parents may have bought her all kinds of material things, but they sure never taught her manners or self reliance.
You're going to have to work for every thing you have, and you will end up being a lot more appreciative for everything you have and a lot more realistic as well as less judgmental of everyone else. Guess which one of you is the one most of us would prefer to have as a friend.
I_am_wood_dog said:
NTA. Your brother did not stand up for you? He is going to regret marrying that woman. Or he should regret it, unless he became like her.
FitOrFat-1999 said:
"YOU didn't have to try at all. College, wedding, house and car were all handed to you on a silver platter. If it weren't for Mummy and Daddy you wouldn't have squat. Come back when you accomplish something on your own." NTA.
SalesTaxBlackCat said:
NTA. Liza is out of line, but your brother needs to stand up to his wife and put an end to this behavior...probably can’t though since Liza has so much control. OP, remember, nothing is for free. Your brother is now in a controlled situation, given that his lifestyle is funded by his in laws.
alcapwn3d said:
NTA. People who think like Liza are the reason there is housing crisis, income inequality, etc. if she ever does lose her money, she will flounder, because she is the one who doesn't know how to assess a situation and make the best choice from said situation.
Personally, I think it takes a certain kind of maturity to realize maybe formal education isn't for you, and that you'd rather focus on vocational education. Which is perfectly valid.
All of those jobs are absolutely valid, and the house her mommy and daddy bought for her wouldn't even exist if it weren't for trade educated people building it, installing plumbing, electricity, etc. She needs a reality check. You're doing fine. I hope you find a trade you like!
Direct_Set8770 said:
NTA...I hate people like her. I am someone who also is fortunate to have parents who were able to send me to college but I have never in my life blamed people who couldn't afford it that is was their fault for not trying hard enough.
They are most of the time very hard working and are just making a smart decision that benefits them and their family. Screw you brothers wife. I hope she realizes how fortunate she is. And I hope your brother takes your side considering he grew up in the same situation as you.