'AITA for telling my dad (who’s in prison) that his best friend slept with my mom?'
"AITA for telling my dad (who’s in prison) that his best friend slept with my mom?"
So I’m 23 and my brother’s dad has been in prison for about 5 years. He gets out next month. I call him my dad cause honestly, he’s been more of a dad to me than my real one ever was.
Well like 3 years into his sentence his best friend, let’s call him Johnathan started hanging out with my brother a lot, he would check on him take him to do fun stuff and generally be like a uncle type figure, my brother looks at him that way too. Well at some point Jonathan was spending more time with my brother, he started hanging out with my mom more too.
I didn’t think much of it at first, I figured they were just talking or helping each other out. Then one day, my mom tells me that she and Jonathan had been messing around. Apparently it went on for a bit. I was kinda pissed not because my mom can’t move on (she and my dad aren’t together anymore and really I don’t care what she does with her life).
She’s an adult she do whatever, but it just felt messed up, like why my dad’s best friend?? She asked if I thought it was bad and I told her yeah I really didn’t like that at all. She told me not to tell him, said it would just cause problems. And for almost two years, I didn’t. I buried it, tried to move on, told myself it wasn’t my business.
But every time my dad talked about Johnathon saying how great of a friend he is and how he’s glad he’s taking care of my brother. My stomach would turn with guilt. I couldn’t stand thinking of him getting out and thinking his friend was this loyal ass person ride or die. When he’s not at least in this aspect.
So I finally told him. I said, “Hey, did you know Jonathan’s been talking to Mom?” He goes, “Yeah, he’s been hanging out with your brother, why?”And I said, “No, like talking talking. Like they’ve been sleeping together, or at least were for a while.” He just went quiet for a sec, then asked if I was sure. I told him yeah, I’ve known for a while and just couldn’t keep it in anymore. I said if it were me, I’d wanna know too.
He didn’t yell or anything. Just kinda sat there quiet. Then he said, “I mean I don’t care about your mom like that anymore and haven’t for years… but damn. I would’ve never thought Jonathan would do that, especially with my kid’s mom.” We talked for a few mins after that and he told me he would call me in the morning (today)
Now I just feel like crap. Maybe it wasn’t my place to say anything, especially since he’s still locked up and can’t do anything about it right now. But honestly, I’d rather be real with him than have him get out and lied too. So…AITA for telling him myself instead of letting his friend come clean (if he ever was gonna)?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
jainyuinelydone wrote:
My answer will change depending on what your dad has done to land himself in prison. Because if he’s there for a violent crime, then you need to tell your mom and Jonathan for their safety.
OP responded:
He’s locked up for check fraud he stole about 50k in total from a bank and got caught trying to do it again, and he had some substancess with him, so he got 5 years, not anything domestic or assault.
WhiteGhost99 wrote:
NTA. I was wondering why your mother told you. She could have kept her mouth shut and you wouldn't have ever known. Could it be possible that in a roundabout way she wanted this news to get to your father? Maybe she felt it like a burden too.
Anyway, it's good that you told him now as he has a whole month until getting out to calm down and not react in a haste, if ever. But I think you should tell your mother that he knows, so that she's not blindsided. She'll probably take care to tell Jonathan and so everybody will be aware and prepared to prevent an escalation.
DreamBti05 wrote:
NTA. Your father deserves to know the truth but I do feel like it could have been done better, best case scenario would probably be for him to hear it from your mom but I understand that this secret was eating you alive and convincing your mother to open up to him would not be easy.
bloody_sock_puppet wrote:
NTA. The dude broke the code. They were no longer together but this guy WAS still his friend. All you've done is be more of a friend to your dad than your mother or Jonathan. If she didnt want things to be awkward the she shouldn't have slept with him.
Important-grocery710 wrote:
NTA: Better to tell him now while he has some time to get use to the idea...then him getting out of jail, eventually finding out, and realizing that nobody told him.
Mistakenfrog wrote:
NTA.
Your Mother is TA here. There's plenty fish in the sea for her to mingle with. She didn't have to choose her ex's best friend knowing it would cause problems with the father, the children and eventually herself.
Props to you. Sounds like you handled this well and really took time to weigh the options of what to do. After a certain point though, your Mother can't expect you to keep a secret like that forever so yea, shame on her.