'AITA for telling my dad’s new wife why he’s actually with her after she called my mom unstable?'

"AITA for telling my dad’s new wife why he’s actually with her after she called my mom unstable?"

A few years ago my (16m) parents divorced, I was pretty much kept in the dark about the reason until fairly recently when my mom told me, all I knew at the time is it came out of no where. Since then I’ve gone back and forth between my mom’s house and my dads. About a year ago my dad married his new wife and I can’t stand her.

She acts like she’s better than everyone, treats my dad like a lapdog, micromanages everything I do and I could go on and on with reasons. Earlier my mom called my dad about something and after he hung up I overheard my stepmom talking about my mom calling her a nag and unstable. I think what made me even more angry was my dad just letting it slide.

I got angry and told her she’d be unstable too (which my mom isn’t) if she found out her husband was sleeping with other men behind her back and that the only reason my dad is with her is because my mom threw him out and he barely had money of his own since he mooched off of my moms the entire time.

My dad’s wife obviously wanted me out of the house so I packed up while they argued and went back to my moms.

My dad has been texting me saying I’ve lost my mind and that I have no idea what I’ve done, that I had no right to make those accusations and things like that. I’m not even sure why his wife was so mad since I didn’t even have physical proof looking back at it. I know it was probably immature for me to have an outburst like that but AITAH?

ETA: posted on my main originally but took it down after a few seconds since I feel more comfortable with a throwaway account.

The internet did not hold back one bit.

Erm4ckinreddit wrote:

NTA at all. If your dad’s wife is stomping all over your boundaries (like giving unsolicited “parenting” advice, rearranging your stuff, or demanding you treat her like Mom 2.0), you’re not wrong for speaking up. Plenty of stepfamily drama starts this way, someone forces a role instead of letting trust build naturally.

Tell her straight: “I respect your relationship with Dad, but I’m a grown up person, and I don’t need another parent. Let’s keep things respectful.” If he won’t step up, you’ve got every right to distance yourself. You don’t owe her instant family status just because she married your dad. Stand your ground if she keeps crossing lines.

OP responded:

🙏 Thank you that’s good advice and exactly the kind of things she does. I’m pretty sure she doesn't want me back over there ever again and I told my mom I don’t want to see either of them but we’ll see lol.

Dazzling-Treacle1092 wrote:

She (your father's wife) had no business talking about your mother in this way. Your mother's side of the story is pretty provable. You would know how much he worked when he was at home. It also sounds like a reason he chose his current wife.

If they are as financially imbalanced as were your mother and father when they were together it's no wonder he acts like her lapdog. If she controls the finances she has the power.

I'm sorry you had to see this side of your father. It's difficult to respect him in this light. All that said, I would step back from the situation. I'm not going to tell you you were wrong. Of course you feel defensive of your mother. And at 16 you're shouldn't be expected to just shut up and stay quiet about it...so you cut loose with both barrels.

I hope this helps your stepmom understand that she should be watching what she says around you. Your father made his choice so he's going to have to understand the same. You can't be treated like a little kid who is unaware or without opinions of what is happening around you anymore.

I'm sure both your parents could talk reams about the other ones faults having lived together for years. This is why I'm encouraging you to step back from any more involvement. You don't want to be caught in the crossfire. If you are uncomfortable staying away from your father's current residence don't go for awhile. Let the dust settle.

If your father has a halfway decent relationship with his current wife it will survive this. If he doesn't it won't be your fault. Your father should be protecting you from your stepmoms badmouthing. But he is probably choosing what side his bread is buttered. Let's hope they learned a lesson. Do not allow him to put guilt on you no matter what happens. He's not acting like an adult and concerned father.

AppropriateAnts666 wrote:

NTA. She shouldn’t have been bad mouthing your mother. She ran her mouth & it opened a can of worms.

Ok-Region-8207 wrote:

NTA it sounds like the outburst has been building for a while and standing up for your mom is understandable. Your dad shouldn't of just sat there letting his new wife slag off the mother of his child and if he didn't want it coming out that he cheated on your mom than he shouldn't of cheated.

astoldbybeja wrote:

Well OP, your dad isn’t the first bottom hobosexual and he certainly won’t be the last. Too bad you didn’t get a pic of that lady’s face when you figuratively broke it. I’m sure it was priceless, but at least you have the memory of it. If your mom is anything like mine, she’d be having you tell the story over and over again and cracking up each time.

Tbh I would personally still be cackling over both of those dweebs, but I’m the type that chooses violence every single time, so everything you did is right up my alley. NTA, bet she’ll think twice before putting your mamas name in her mouth in your presence again. Please continue to commit more crimes, this was excellent, good for you OP and well done. 😂😂😂♥️

Repulsive_Act_7178 wrote:

NTA. I’ve been in a similar situation with my own parents, and your dad and stepmom definitely aren’t owed any kindness from you. That said, getting involved in these kinds of situations only makes things worse for you in the long run. Your dad and stepmom will probably continue to act the same no matter what you do, but confronting them or getting into conflict could just make living with them harder.

From my experience, your mom probably doesn’t want you fighting her battles for her. It's great that you have her back, but when you get involved, it tends to create more stress for her and gives your dad and stepmom even more "reason" to badmouth her. Also the people who say she shouldn’t have told you that information likely don’t understand what it’s like to be in a family dynamic like this.

Just keep in mind that if you get involved, they may use what you say to paint her as unstable, claiming she’s sharing false or inappropriate information or turning you against them. The best way to support your mom and make things easier for yourself is to stay at her place as much as you can and show your alliance to her that way.