"AITA for telling my daughter to get over what happened in the past?"

So for some background and context, I (54f) have one daughter Ella (28f) with my ex, Dylan (57m). Dylan and I amicably divorced when Ella was only 4 years old. Few years later I married my now husband Jack (55m). He was a single dad of 2 kids, Jason (25m) and Sophie (27f).

Jack and I also have a daughter, Bella(17f). This is about Sophie and Ella. I always thought since they were closer to the age they would get along really well. And I was right. They were like best friends and we were really happy in our blended family. When Ella was in college, she met this guy bryan (30m) at a cafe where she worked. They started dating. I was happy for Ella.

Bryan proposed to Ella in front of our whole family and it was very romantic. Everything was fine until oneday Ella came to our house screaming at Sophie. She claims that Sophie has been sleeping with Bryan. I told her she must be joking. Sophie would never do that to her. There was a lot of screaming until Sophie finally said that she and Bryan are in love.

This caused more commotion. We did have an extremely hard conversation with Sophie. She showed her remorse and was very guilty. We tried to talk to Ella. That Sophie was sad and maybe she should forgive her.

But Ella was having none. She went on to more screaming and bashing all of us that we are abandoning her and picking Sophie. That is not the case. I tried to make it as peaceful as possible but Ella didn’t want that. When Ella and Bryan broke up, he started dating Sophie. They got engaged within a year. Sophie wanted Ella to be her bridesmaid. But Ella just said "Over my dead body."

I thought it was really cruel of her to say that and she is being petty by holding onto the past anger. Needless to say she didn’t come to the wedding. Rather she left the city to live with her father. She didn’t contact us much except for Bella. I thought she might need sometime to cool off. But I was hurt that she kept us out of her life. We only got some insights from Bella and Jason.

She only send me cards on my birthday but hardly ever spoke to me. I think it was unfair. Oneday she came to our place. Sophie and Bryan was also there. She gave us an invitation card to her wedding with someone named Ray. I don’t know much about him. She didn’t even include us in the wedding party.

Plus the venue was a 4 hour drive. And the hotels in that area is expensive. We did agree, but at the last moment Jack got sick and I had to cancel it. When I told her the reason I cannot come to her wedding she told me to not bother. She made the right choice by not including me in her wedding. She knew I was a bad mom it really bothered me. I always wanted to be by her side.

But the place and time she was getting married was not compatible for us. That was 2 years ago. She never contacted us again. Few weeks ago, my daughter Bella showed mean a post in Instagram that Ella was pregnant. She posed with her stepmother with a caption like she will be a good grandmother. I was furious. How can she forget her whole family here.

So, I called her from Bella phone and wanted an explanation. She replied that since I never bothered to be at her wedding, I don’t deserve to be in her kid's life. She said it is not just her wedding. She claims I have never been supportive of her. That I do no care about her. She went on to blabbing that she never felt like she had my support.

Even when she got cheated on and I choose my stepdaughter over her. I told her it was not fair for her to hold that against me till now because it was 6 years ago. She has moved on and Sophie has moved on as well. She is being petty by holding onto something that happened years ago. So, did I do anything wrong?

Edit: Look I did not abandon Ella. I tried to be there for her. When she and Bryan broke up I went to her place to support her almost everyday. I just think it is silly to hold onto something that happened years ago. I get that she didn’t wanted to be a bridesmaid but she could have attended the wedding. I never pressured her.

Yes I was disappointed but if she politely declined I would have never thought it was cruel. And I tried my best to attend her wedding. We booked the hotel too. But Jack got really sick. We did apologised and promised to make it up to her in someways. But she rejected it.

What do you think? AITA? Or does Ella need to "get over" what happened in the past with her sister and Bryan? This is what top commenters had to say:

pepperpat64 said:

YTA. What Sophie did to Ella was not petty or inconsequential. You shouldn't have supported and forgiven Sophie so easily after her act of betrayal. You're lucky Ella ever kept in touch with you at all.

Top-Bit85 said:

Damn. Do you really dislike Ella that much? You have been a terrible mother to her, glad she has a loving stepmother ad father.

MathematicianDue9266 said:

Couldn't go because Jack was sick? You could still have gone. Yta. Let her live her life and be happy.

And grayblue_grrl said:

"I told her she must be joking. Sophie would never do that to her." But she did do that to her. And it is unforgivable. You let the two lairs and cheaters into your house and attended their wedding. Also unforgivable. Pretty nice that Sophie moved on though...

A day after the mom's original post, her third daughter, Bella, shared this update:

Hi guys, this is Bella(17f). The half sister of Ella. So basically I am writing this update to clear things out. Basically this whole argument with Ella being pregnant happened 2 months ago. There have been fights and crying from my mom's part. I tried my best to explain to her that what she did was over the line and she cannot expect Ella to be ok with it after she (my mom) hurt her.

My mom still insists Ella is being unfair. She thinks every other person would agree with her lol. So I gave her just that. I have seen how people tear apart people like my mom. So I told her that she should post it anonymously. I did help her in the steps to make sure she includes everything but she still left out some parts.

I challenged her that nobody thinks she is right after the sh!t she pulled. It was hilarious to see my mom reacting to the comments. She genuinely thought people would be on her side haha. She read the comments for 3 hours. You guys even PMed her and those were cherry on top. Seeing how people actually see her she literally cried her eyes out.

She is still in denial and keeps saying "they don’t know anything". Well she had a breakdown of how cruel some comments and PMs are. My dad came home and saw mom crying and scolded me for airing our dirty laundry. My mom demanded that I delete it. Instead I deleted the reddit app from her phone. But now I am writing this for you guys.

I must say, you didn't disappointed. I have been reading all the comments. They are entertaining. My mom refuses to look at them. She is a lost cause. But I am here to clear things out a bit. I am the observer of my family. So, I have observed a lot of things. First of all, my mom didn’t cheat with my dad as far as I know since some of you were suggesting.

The divorce with Ella's dad was amicable but that's what I heard. My mom has this weird obsession with having twins. She always wanted twin girls. But that never happened. Since Sophie and Ella are almost the same age, my mom pretended that they are twins. I think she created this whole fantasy in her mind that Ella and Sophie will do everything together and have a matching life.

Though Ella and Sophie never had bad blood, they were far from being twins. They are like normal people. But my mom still wanted the twin life style for them. Also just like you guys pointed it out, mom is the type of person who is "family comes first".

She wanted Ella to forgive everything and be ok with Bryan and Sophie so that she (my mom) can show it off to people that in our family we always forgive and forget no matter how sh!tty the other person is. And Ella was ruining that Disney Musical fantasy for my mom.

My dad only cared about his bio daughters. Though he was never mean to Ella and always loved her, blood comes first to him as well. Jason pretty much doesn’t give a sh!t. He and Sophie were not that close, neither was Ella and him. I am close with Ella. The only reason I showed that insta post so that I can show mom what Ella is doing. She always asks me about her life.

I thought this would bring some form of accountability from her part. But no. As you can see I was wrong and I take full responsibility for it. Second thing, mom and dad did berate Sophie about her affair with Bryan. Sophie started water works that she will do anything to gain forgiveness from Ella. Sophie even said she will cut off all contact with Bryan. But Ella was having none of it.

I think my parents got manipulated by the fake waterworks of Sophie that's why they kept pushing the forgiveness on Ella. And you guys asked what happened to Jack (my dad). Well he fell down the stairs and hurt his back. I wasn’t there because I was a bridesmaid at Ella's wedding. So I spend the whole week there in her town. Sophie and Bryan were not invited.

Jason was out of town too. But I still think if mom made an effort she could have easily made it to the wedding. She did try to say sorry and offered to pay for their honeymoon but I don’t think that is enough. I mean it was her daughter for god sake.

Lastly, my mom lied. Sophie and Bryan are not happy couple lol. They look like they are in the brink of divorce. My mom still has no idea that Brayn cheated on Sophie with a stripper on his bachelor party. Sophie forgave him because it was his bachelor party so it doesn’t count. I knew that she also cheated on him at her bachelorette party too. I don’t have the evidence but I just know.

A month ago Sophie decided that she would also try for a baby. I am willing to bet that Bryan will skip town when that happens or he might not be the father. But we shall see. Also I am sorry for dragging you guys to my family drama. I just wanted mom to see that she is wrong. Even she tried to save her @$$ by replying but you guys gave her a new one.

I was a little skeptical about posting here because I know a lot of you guys would think this is fake and not give proper replies. And sorry if you felt deceived that someone else coerced op to make a post. So I am being clear once and for all. The first post was made by my mom. This update is being written by Bella, the youngest sibling. If you guys have any questions I will try my best to answer them.