'AITA for telling my daughter she is jealous and bitter and she will be until she gets a life?'
AITA for telling my daughter she is jealous and bitter and she will continue to be until she gets a life?
My daughter Bethany is now 21 and she has a stepsister that is 18. I got remarried when Bethany was 19 and in college. This was a long thing coming and Bethany gets along well with my wife and at the beginning her stepsister.
My stepdaughter Lindsey is very similar to Bethany. They got along great at the beginning but now don’t due to Bethany jealously issue with Lindsey. It all started when Lindsey got into track and beat Bethany’s personal best. After that she was in a competition with her.
They did a 5K together and well Lindsey did better. The final straw was Lindsey getting into a college Bethany didnt get into. She has been nasty to Lindsey since so no relationship on that part.
We were driving today and Bethany went on a rant about Lindsey. She looked at her Snapchat story and saw she got into a sorority, Bethany tried to get into one and it didn’t work out.
After five minutes I had enough and told her she is jealous and bitter towards Lindsey and she won’t stop until she gets her own life and stop watching Lindsey’s life so closely. She called me a B for picking Lindsey side.
Also yes I have had this conversation multiple times before with her and her jealously. It hasn’t worked.
Here's what the top commenters said:
GreekAmericanDom said:
NTA. This is all on Bethany. She needs to learn that "comparison is the thief of happiness." She needs to focus on her own life and goals and not worry if others are accomplishing what she can't. Therapy might really help her. Her college likely offers free sessions.
Black_knight100_ said:
NTA, but you need to understand something. In the two years that Lindsey has joined your family, she has gone past Bethany's records/aims at least three times. She now probably feels outdone.
Her jealousy is not ideal, but it is quite natural. She called you names for 'picking Lindsey's side. I would say she feels replaced from her position as a daughter and thinks you now prefer her step-sister over her.
You say you have spoken to her about it. That is good. However maybe, after everyone has calmed down, you can talk to her again, or offer to get her some help regarding self esteem issues?
TE55I said:
Pointing out people's mistakes like this will never be successful as you have probably already realised yourself after repeated tries. That your daughter is so jealous of your stepdaughter is not nice of course.
But your story doesn't give us a complete picture of whether you aren't even fuelling her jealousy. Behind her jealousy probably lies some kind of fear of abandonment. That you value your new family more than her and that Lindsay will take on the role of your daughter and thus displace her.
I think as a father you should be more supportive and appreciative of your daughter rather than being so harsh with her. Maybe try to have a calm conversation with her and find out what her jealousy is rooted in. Then try to ease her fears. YTA.
thefrankstocker said:
NTA. She might not like it, but she needs the reality check from you. Siding with her will do no one a favor.
BaRiMaLi said:
NTA. It must be hard for Bethany to have a person in her close family who is more succesful than she is, but resentment isn't going to help her. If anything, it'll only set her back.
GeekGirl711 said:
ESH? Bethany is obviously jealous and fighting for your attention. Family therapy might help?