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'AITA for telling my daughter I was not going to walk her down the aisle?' 'She broke down in tears.'

'AITA for telling my daughter I was not going to walk her down the aisle?' 'She broke down in tears.'


"AITA for telling my daughter I was not going to walk her down the aisle or attend her wedding after she went years of no contact with me?"

I (45M) divorced my ex wife (45F) many years ago after she had an affair. She’s now married to her affair partner. We also had a daughter who was very rebellious, she pretty much hated me and said her mom deserved much better than me.

Yes, for a year, we did struggle financially because money was tight. When her mom got with her affair partner, my daughter, who was 14 at the time, said many horrible things like how the affair was exactly what I deserved and a lot of stuff like it. Regardless, I understood my daughter was going through her teenage rebellious phase so I just accepted those words.

However, my daughter always said that she would prove she would succeed in life without me, and after graduating high school, she pretty much went no contact with me. I tried to contact her but she blocked my number. It hurt me a lot.

Well, I moved on because there was nothing much else I could do. I moved states to where my sister lives, focused on my career and am financially well off now. I am single by choice and am enjoying my life so far. It’s fun to hangout with friends, my family, and I have a peace of mind now.

A couple of weeks ago, my daughter called me. It was the first time in years we had spoken and I could sense she was nervous. I told her it was alright, and she broke down in tears. She apologized for everything and we caught up on life.

She told me she really wished she could make up how terribly she had behaved in her childhood, but I told her it was ok and everyone goes through a tough phase in childhood. She then told me that she was getting married next year, and that it would mean the world to her if I could walk her down the aisle and be there at her wedding.

However, where I was at in my life, I just didn’t have the emotional bandwidth to add my daughter in my life again after she went years of no contact with me. I told her upfront that I will always love her, but that I would not attend her wedding or walk her down the aisle.

I told her she would always be welcome in my house, but that I have my own life now and emotionally it was hard for me to feel much for her. She broke down in tears again and apologized again how everything that happened, and I told her it was alright and that there was no reason to apologize. We then spoke some more. AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

soxfan10 said:

NTA. As the saying goes, “trust takes years to build and seconds to destroy” or something along those lines. The fact that she wanted to reconcile is one thing. I don’t think you’re wrong for saying what you said. She might actually show true remorse. Or something occurred that made her feel that way. Either way, you’re not wrong for your feelings

Actual-Clue-3165 said:

Nta she can't expect everything to immediately get better and it sounds like she doesn't. She accepted pretty quickly that your relationship can't be repaired in a day.

SonOfSchrute said:

NTA. She just needs money dude, you’ll see.

aria-issweet said:

NTA it’s understandable that after years of hurt and no contact, you might find it difficult to suddenly reintegrate your daughter into your life. it’s important to communicate your feelings honestly.

However, consider if this might be a crucial opportunity to rebuild your relationship. maybe discussing your boundaries and slowly reconnecting could help both of you heal.

Broad-Discipline2360 said:

NTA. You can love someone but still need to protect yourself from the harm they caused you. I think you handled it perfectly.

crazymastiff said:

NTA. If she’s sincere, she’ll keep reaching out. If it was for the show or form money, she’ll leave you again. See where you’re at in a year and attend if you feel she’s sincere.

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this situation?

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