'AITA for telling my daughter’s teacher that I am still alive?'
"AITA for telling my daughter’s teacher that I am still alive?"
Hi y’all! My husband just show me this site so don’t mind me if I’m using it wrong! So, my daughter’s school cc’s parents in all email interactions between our children and their teachers, and I don’t think my daughter was aware of this.
So a few days ago, I discovered that she had emailed her teacher asking to be exempt from a math test, stating that it’s because her mother “passed away”. I of course, am still here.
I strictly believe that lying is wrong, and I have always taught my daughter that. I especially cannot accept someone lying on behalf on my literal non-existent grave. So, I decided the best course of action was to go in and speak to her teacher, so she could see that I am very much still kicking.
So yesterday, I went to pick my daughter up and decided to casually go say hi to her teacher. My daughter began making excuses saying we had to leave immediately and that I shouldn’t go in.
I, however, didn’t listen and walked into the classroom and introduced myself as Kara’s mother. The teacher was immediately confused and asked if I was her stepmother.
When I said no, the teacher told us that she thought her mother had passed away. Kara began to panic and said that she meant her father had passed away not her mother.
After I refused to back up yet another lie, she ran out of the room crying. Today Kara told me that she got a 0 on her test as she had no real excuse for missing it. I’ve also grounded her for a month and will be teaching her about honesty.
But her and her father strongly think that I’m in the wrong. She hasn’t been speaking to me and my husband said he thinks I acted poorly and need to go apologize. I don’t think I do, so let me know what you all think. Thanks!
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA - your husband isn’t doing her any favors by treating her like a princess who can’t do anything wrong. Those people grow up to be people that nobody likes.
Shame on your husband for not backing you up and sending your daughter mixed signals. She still doesn’t think she did anything wrong because her father sent that message by his actions.
Since when does a parent apologize to a child when they get caught lying and cheating? Why your husband thinks that is ok is beyond me. You need to have a serious conversation with him about being united in front of your daughter. You are definitely NOT TAH, but your husband sure is.
NTA - your daughter is a really lousy liar, I assume she is quite young? Otherwise I am really baffled how she thought this would work out, latest parent teacher conferences.
Your husband is an idiot for backing up your daughter and letting her believe it’s okay to lie like that. NTA.
NTA, but also a funny story (ish) on the other side. I am a teacher and I had a student where I had the brother earlier. I knew the mom (mom kinda scared me a bit) and so I would make references to the mom to the student in 1:1 sessions. Also the mom was listed on the contact form.
Had a meeting with my boss and mentioned how much I like having siblings because I know their parents, and brought up this kid as an example. He looked at me and was like “celoplyr, her mom died”.
Took me a week to get up the courage to ask the kid, and yes, the mom had passed away at some point between her bother and her. Luckily, the kid appreciated how mortified I was and that I hadn’t said anything bad, and that I really didn’t know.
I still feel terrible. But all that being said, absolutely NTA because your daughter should not be using a terrible TERRIBLE tragedy to get out of a test, and this is a great way to teach her that lesson.
NTA. It sounds to me that your husband is okay with your daughter slacking off and lying. His reaction is telling me that he's enabling this type of behavior.
NTA. Besides having picked a very stupid lie that is easy to detect, it’s also a horrible one. Plenty of children have lost one or both parents and wish they still were alive. It is so distasteful to use such a horrific event as loosing a parent to get out of a math test.
NTA. Your daughter deserved to be shown up and disciplined for telling lies. If she starts and gets away with it then it will only get worse later on. She did say her father died so she cannot be going running to him for support if he is supposedly dead.
The way I was raised I would have been terrified to say someone had died. Afraid it would result in the death of someone I loved. You know jinx the situation. Never lie about death of a loved one. Also lying to get out of a test is just plain wrong. My child would have had to live with the consequences.
NTA, if anything this is the perfect time to continue to teach your daughter that lying is wrong. If you let a lie like this go, it only leaves room for MORE damaging lies in the future.
It is much much better learning this lesson now instead of waiting to learn it when she is older and she lies about something she cant recover from as easily. You have just made her life a LOT easier by ensuring that she doesnt have to keep up with many more lies in the future.
NTA. The grounding is appropriate. However, get her in therapy immediately! People who lie to get out of conflict or to make situations go in their favor (beyond very minor lies, like saying you’re fine in a casual conversation when you’re not) often have long-term issues with maintaining relationships as adults.
NTA. What kind of a message is your husband teaching your daughter here? That dishonesty is okay if you don't feel like doing something difficult or inconvenient? That's the type of life-lesson that will backfire spectacularly IRL, especially when it comes to any future employment.
Sucks that your daughter didn't study for her test (or just didn't want to take it). She was shamed in front of her teacher, she was grounded by you, and she needs to reflect on what was wrong with her actions, not get support from her father.