'AITA for telling my ex husband he cant stay with me?' UPDATED

"AITA for telling my ex husband he cant stay with me?"

AITA!! my ex husband wants to come see the kids and I told him no problem that would be cool, context he lives in another state now. He says he wants to stay 2 weeks i'm like oh the kids would love that.

But here's where he feels I become the a$$hole, he then proceeded to tell me that he is gonna stay with me and I told him no you're not. You can get a hotel cause you're not staying at my house.

Then he says so you want me to pay to come out there pay for a hotel spend money while I'm out there just to see the kids. I said yes.

Then I told him if he can't afford it then he can stay a weekend and then a hotel won't be that expensive but he's not staying with me so now it's I'm keeping him away from his kids because I won't let him stay with me and feed him every night while he's here. So am I the a$$hole for not letting him stay?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

NarniaMouse said:

All you needed was the title. No, you're NTA for not wanting your exhusband to stay at your place. The fact that he tells you that he's going to...pretty much tells me why he's an ex.

gorillaboy75 said:

Um, no. He's insane. He can get an air bnb like a normal father. Why would he even want to stay with you? Oh, because he's cheap, he's nosy, he wants you to cater to him, and he wants to snoop. You're 100% correct in not letting him stay. What an invasion privacy! He can F off. If he wants to see his kids, he will figure it out.

Anxious-Routine-5526 said:

NTA. This is why hotels and Airbnbs exist. Your ex isn't entitled to access to any part of your life beyond your children.

Natural-Historian-85 said:

Girl, stand your ground, he can gtfoh

And curiousity60 said:

NTA He moved away from his kids. That doesn't obligate you to sacrifice and support him "so he can visit." Not only would he expect your hosting services, but your child care during his "visitation" as well. He still expects to do the bare minimum while you maintain supervision, support and stability for your children. He is responsible for the consequences of his choices. Not you.

Later that same day, OP shared this update:

OK, so let me put some more context to the story. Cause some people seem to think that he pays child support and alimony and that's why he doesn't have money. That's not true. He does not take care of his kids. He has not physically seen his kids since my son was six months and he's never seen my daughter in person. He is ordered to pay child support.

But does not so everything I do for the kids comes from me and I have gave him several suggestions. I have even suggested that I take the kids to him and I'll get the hotel and he can come pick up the kids they can spend the day together whatever now he doesn't wanna do that because he doesn't have a stable place to live. That's his excuse.

I offered to pay for the kids activities whatever they wanted to do when he came out here and no, I was not gonna be there with them and that way he can pay for the hotel. He said no the only way he's gonna come out here is if I let him stay at my house and that I was stopping him from seeing his kids and I told him well take me to court.

Because nowhere in our court document does it say that I'm supposed to support him to see the kids matter fact it says because he moved that it's his responsibility to get the kids Or for me to pay half. I would let him stay, but I know him and that two weeks is gonna turn into more and then it's gonna be he just doesn't wanna leave his kids.

He just wants to stay with me until he gets on his feet, which is the main reason I'm saying no. I would never keep my kids from him. I never talk bad about him. The kids love him and every time he tells them he's gonna show up he doesn't and somehow it always becomes my fault.

Commenters weighed in:

Zscalerrguy said:

Document everything. You’re doing this correctly. Hd’s using his alimony and child support as an excuse to not be a dad - that’s on him. Not you. Keep your boundaries firm, and document everything.

ThisWeekInTheRegency said:

Stay strong! He's a user.

And grayblue_grrl said:

"He doesn't have a stable place to live." As I said before.... HE won't leave.
He is a hobo and is using his children as leverage to get in your house. Your kids don't love someone they haven't met. They deserve better. Get real with yourself.