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'AITA for telling my family that my nephew behaves like a spoiled brat?' + NEW UPDATES

'AITA for telling my family that my nephew behaves like a spoiled brat?' + NEW UPDATES

"AITA for telling my family that my nephew behaves like a spoiled brat?"

So my nephew (which is 4 by the time I’m posting this) and his mom and dad (my older sister and brother-in-law) moved to the U.S from South America about 8 months ago, and they’re currently living with us.

My mom had to go to the U.S by herself, leaving my then 13 year old sister alone in South America. In February, my sister, brother-in-law, and nephew all came to the U.S. At first, I was happy about it, but then things quickly started to change.

Soon, my sister, brother-in-law, and dad had to go to work, leaving me, my mom, and my spoiled nephew at home. I was supposed to be at school, but since I was being homeschooled due to health reasons, I would stay home. My nephew was also supposed to be at daycare, but he somehow got traumatized due to them not letting him have much screen time and making him take naps 💀

Me and my mom had to babysit my nephew until my brother-in-law came back from work. At first, I was like, “sure, I don't mind” but then my nephew’s personality REALLY started to change. He became more addicted to his iPad (basically he turned into an iPad kid) he would hit his mom and dad, scream at my mom, and steal my stuff.

I kept bringing it up to my mom, and she said “he’s just a little kid, he doesn't know what’s right and what’s wrong”. Next, I told my dad, and he said to just ignore my nephew. I tried following both their advice, but my nephew would just get away with what he was doing. I tried telling my sister, and she said the same thing as my mom.

My brother-in-law gave the same answer. At this point it was hopeless asking them for help, so I just dealt with it. Then yesterday, my nephew threw the biggest tantrum I ever saw him throw. Since I'm homeschooled for now, a teacher from my school comes by every week to give me homework that I have to complete. Then, as a belated Christmas present, my teacher gave me some puzzle art.

My nephew immediately laid eyes on it, and said “for me? for Liam?(Liam is my nephew's name)” and I said that not everything he sees belongs to him. After my teacher left, I started to work on the puzzle. 20 minutes later, my brother-in-law came back from work. I had finished making the puzzle art, and wanted to show it to my mom.

I went to show it to my mom, and my nephew was like “let me see! let me see!” When I told him to wait for his turn to see, he completely freaked out. He kept screaming “GIVE IT BACK!! ITS MINE!!” My brother-in-law noticed and told him “Why would you behave like this? Now you don't get your iPad back.”

My nephew had too much screen time, so to reduce his screen time, my brother-in-law took his iPad with him. After my brother-in-law said those words, my nephew turned red, screaming, while throwing everything in his way to the floor.

That wasn't the only time my nephew had one of his explosive temper tantrums, however. One time, on my most recent birthday, (December 5) I was going to blow my candles. However, my nephew kept insisting my parents to let him blow out my candles first. They obviously said no. My nephew started to cry, so they re-lit one candle. However, my nephew wanted to blow out ALL OF THEM.

When he didn't get what he wanted, if felt like a T-Rex entered the room. Once my nephew calmed down, I started to cut the cake. However, my nephew freaked out again. He was crying, his face turned red, and he was screaming “YOU BROKE THE CAKE!!!! THE CAKE IS BROKEN!!!!”

In the end, they let my nephew pick all the activities we were supposed to do on my birthday. So, AITA for telling my family that my nephew behaves like a spoiled brat?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

said:

NTA. But it does sound like your family is at least trying to start setting some boundaries. I hope things improve for you.

said:

It’s too bad his parents took him out of daycare where he would have been socialized. Soon he will be attending kindergarten, and woe upon his teacher.

And said:

I just see a toddler who may need more attention. He needs activities and needs to go back to preschool if your mother or some adult cannot give him the time and are leaving him with the iPad all the time.

He shouldn’t have been allowed to dictate what activities happened on your birthday but he does sound a bit neglected. If he had more attention he’d be better regulated and would listen better too.

And said:

His parents are raising a spoiled brat who will always get what he wants. It will get worse as he gets older unless they step up and change things. They need to wake up and see what they've done

A month later, she shared this first update:

So first of all, I’ll be clearing up some things I said that people didn't seem to understand:

1.) I said my nephew BEHAVED like a spoiled brat, not that he IS a spoiled brat. 2.) I don't HATE my nephew. The most I said was that he couldn't have everything he likes for himself. And I agree, that my nephew’s parents are neglecting him.

They stopped taking him to daycare, just because he didn't want to go, then they give him screen time when he misbehaves or when he’s about to misbehave, and every time I tell them about my nephew breaking into my room and taking something he likes, THEY JUST BRUSH IT OFF AND SAY “he’s just a little kid, he doesn't know any better”

How do I explain this…. JUST BECAUSE HE’S A LITTLE KID DOESNT JUSTIFY HIM SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS WHEN HE DOESNT GET WHAT HE WANTS, NOR JUSTIFIES HIM BREAKING INTO MY ROOM AND TAKING SOMETHING WITHOUT MY PERMISSION, NOR DOES IT MAKE IT OKAY FOR HIM TO HIT ME, OR MY MOM, OR MY DAD, OR ANYONE.

Think about it! If they keep getting by with the excuse “he’s just a little kid”, when he turns, 5, 6, 7, 8, etc., they're gonna let him get away with anything, even if he steals money from someone else, still with the mentality of “he’s just a little kid”. My nephew’s parents(my older sister and brother-in-law) are acting like Cailiou’s parents, never telling their child that his actions have consequences and to say sorry.

That’s going to severely affect my nephew when he gets older, and when he tries to find friends. If he does something wrong to his friend (like stealing something that belongs to his friend, etc), he’s not going to apologize for his behavior, since his parents never taught him to. That will in turn make him LOSE friends instead of GAINING more. Sorry about the huge rant, I just needed to clarify that :)

3. I tried talking to a therapist about my nephew’s behavior and how I don't like his entitlement and how his parents don't pay attention to him, and she said the same thing that a comment said. My nephew isn't my responsibility to take care of. It’s his parent’s responsibility to teach him, not mines, or my mom and dad’s.

I'm only 12, so I can't take him out of the house(to the park or somewhere else)by myself. It's also winter, full of snow where I live, and my mom’s car can't start up due to the freezing temperatures. The most I can do for my nephew for now is spending time with him.

I tried multiple times spending time with him, either by reading books, doing a puzzle with him, building with his building blocks, playing with both our plushies, drawing, coloring, singing, dancing, even trying to watch a movie with him. NONE OF THOSE WORKED. He’s just glued to his screen.

This is the result of his parents raising him with an iPad as a parent. I even tried asking my mom if I could play and spend time with him, and she said “ let him enjoy his screen time." HE’S ON IT THE WHOLE DAMN TIME. I didn't actually say that to my mom, or I would've gotten grounded, but I just said it in my mind.

A while after my sister and dad arrived from work, I asked my sister if I could play with my nephew, and this time since my nephew wasn't using his iPad (FINALLY), she said yes. The whole time I was playing with my nephew, my brother-in-law kept staring at me like I was going to hurt my nephew or something. Bro, I'm just playing with your child, anything wrong with that???

Those were the things I wanted to clarify, now here's the update part: So, I've decided to not take much responsibility of my nephew. Sure, he’s my nephew, and I'm his aunt, but I'm also NOT HIS MOM.

I don't have to be responsible if he does something to himself, I can't teach him what’s right and what’s wrong, nor am I responsible if he throws a tantrum just because he wants something I have. He’s MY SISTER’S AND BROTHER-IN-LAWS child, not MINES.

If he did something to himself, why should I take the blame when I didn't do anything? When he throws a tantrum when he doesn't get what he wants, why should I take the blame when I didn’t do anything? It’s like a Horrid Henry situation. Henry gets blamed for everything Perfect Peter does, even when it isn't his fault.

I should’ve watched my nephew? I DID. HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO STOP HIM WHEN HE’S ABOUT TO DO OR DOING SOMETHING WRONG WHEN WORDS DON’T WORK AND HE PUSHES ANYONE AND ANYTHING THAT WON’T LET HIM DO WHAT HE WANTS???

I should've gave XYZ to my nephew? MAYBE I WOULD’VE GIVEN OR LET HIM BORROW IT IF HE HAD NICELY ASKED AND DIDN’T JUST THROW A TANTRUM WHEN HE GOT CAUGHT TAKING SOMETHING OUT OF MY ROOM WITHOUT MY PERMISSION?????

I CAN’T EVEN CALL HIS PARENTS WHEN MY NEPHEW MISBEHAVES BECAUSE MY MOM SAYS “oh it'll worry them” WELL ITS SUPPOSED TO, I’M ALERTING YOU THAT YOUR SPAWN IS MISBEHAVING, AND THAT YOU SHOULD WORRY THAT IF YOU DON’T FIX THIS, YOUR CHILD IS GOING TO HAVE PROBLEMS WHEN HE’S OLDER.

After all, it's his PARENTS who raised him to be this way. Not me. The only thing I wanted to be( and was) to him, was a playmate, or someone to play with. The most I ever did in teaching him was telling him to not hit other people. But since I see that none of my nephew's parents want me to teach or do anything related to him, I don't have to take responsibility for their child :)

You raised your child to be this way. Not me. I tried offering you help(which I actually told them that their child misbehaves, but they either responded with “he’s just a kid”, or they just listened with an annoyed face) but if you don't want to hear the offkey notes of your music( take constructive criticism from someone who babysits your child 24/7), I can't help you. I might post more updates if more comes up.

A few days later, she shared this second update:

Some stuff happened today regarding to my nephew and his parents (specifically, my older sister) So, while I was talking to my mom about my nephew misbehaving, him breaking into my room and taking stuff without my permission, him hitting other people, etc., my sister happened to hear our conversation, and asked if she could talk to me. I said sure, and she pulled me aside to talk.

Then,I told her how her son wasn't behaving well, how he kept taking my stuff out of my room without my permission, how they always let him buy WHATEVER he wants (I'm not kidding, just a few days ago I was at a store with my mom and my nephew wanted EVERYTHING in the toy section, and ended up getting a Squidward plush and a Spongebob themed ukulele, both of those now thrown onto the floor),

how both her and her husband let him use devices (phone, tv, iPad) when he starts misbehaving, how they have no discipline towards him, basically almost everything that my nephew did and how it made me feel.

My sister listened quietly and when I was done expressing how I felt everytime she and her husband went to work and my nephew stayed with my mom, she said that my nephew would go to daycare this week going forward. (yippee!!)

I told her that him going to daycare was the best for him, since he’ll get to interact with other kids his age, and actually learn instead of just being glued to a screen all day, and she agreed.

But, she still kept with the excuse “he’s just a little kid, he doesn't know any better” when I told him about him screaming when he doesn't get what he wants. In a way, I kind of understood him being a little kid, and not knowing how to reason.

However, what mind-boggles me is if he’s just a little kid, how does he even know what hitting means and how to hit?? He even said one time “you hit me, i hit you” (I'm not joking, he actually said that o_o)

The part of her still hanging onto that excuse ticked me off a bit, but overall I was still glad that my nephew wouldn't have to be my responsibility anymore (as I said in my last update, I'm not his mom to raise or teach him, i’m his aunt). Soooo….yea!! That’s the update I have for now.

Tysm for all the support and your comments!! They made me realize that my nephew wasn't my responsibility to take care of and that his parents are the ones who need to teach and take care of him. Once again, I’ll post more updates if something comes up.

Five months later, she shared this third update:

Okay, so….quite a lot has happened during these past few months. First of all, I’ve been busy with school and other stuff, so that’s why I haven’t been updating. Second of all, my older sister, BIL, and now 5 year old nephew moved out. Yippee!! Sadly, their attitudes haven’t changed AT ALL. My sister and BIL still neglect my nephew, and my nephew’s behavior’s still as bratty as before.

Here’s a quick recap: My nephew acts like a spoiled brat and I’ve told my whole family about it but they don’t care. My mom and dad both say to ignore it, but how can I ignore that things from my room go missing and reappear in my sister’s room? His parents can’t even be bothered to raise him properly. He’s even allowed to blow the candles out on my birthday cake out, even if it isn’t his birthday. (End of recap.)

I saw some comments that said that I should state a solution to the problem instead of just saying it. Trust me, I DID. But they still either completely ignore me, or just say “he’s just a little kid, he doesn’t know any better”

I’m sorry, but he is 5 years old. He isn’t a baby anymore. Even their neighbor agreed with me. When they were moving into their new house, my sister was worried he was going to touch an exposed light switch that there was in their room. The thing is obviously… he’s not a baby anymore. He can easily be taught to not touch it if he wasn’t handed a device every single time he “annoys” my sister.

While they were still living with me, my mom, and my dad, my mom never, and I mean NEVER let me lock my room door. Her explanation? It comes off as being rude. There goes the comments that told me to get a lock or to lock my room…

Also, if it wasn’t clear, I don’t hate my nephew, I get ANNOYED by him. It’s annoying when he steals my stuff, or when he doesn’t play attention to what I try to tell him. I try to play with him, but he doesn’t care. His toy is the darn iPad he carries around everywhere.

I try to read him books, but his attention span sucks. Even with that, I have a long fuse, and I don’t lose my patience easily. I try to get him to go outside and play ball together, but he ignores me once again.

I even try to watch what he’s watching, even if it’s plain brainrot. But he either tries to push me away or he just runs away. He knows he isn’t supposed to watch brainrot but his parents can’t be bothered to check what he’s watching.

I’ve been trying to make peace with the fact that there’s nothing I can do, but it’s hard. All I can do is make an effort to play with him and try to teach him what he should’ve learnt a long time ago, but it seems like he’s abandoned playing with toys and learning in general. So, with all of this added, AITA/AITJ?

This is what commenters had to say:

said:

NTA. I would suggest you just take a step back. There really is nothing you can do. It will come back to bite your sister and BIL at some point, probably when he starts school.

If you keep trying to force them to pay attention to their child, it will blow up in your face. I also suggest you get a lockbox for your things he likes to take, and when he comes over, lock everything away. Your parents are total A-Hs for not allowing you to lock your room. It is a lot more rude to go into someone's bedroom and steal their belongings than to lock the room to keep someone from entering uninvitited.

said:

Now that your sister’s family has moved out, they will make new friends. Then let your sister and BIL see how quickly and why those new friends don’t want your nephew around.

And said:

NTA When your sister says, " he's just just a kid and he doesn't know any better," remind her "IT'S HER JOB TO TEACH HIM BETTER"

Good luck

We'll keep you posted on any future updates!

Sources: Reddit,Update,Update 2,Update 3
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