'AITA for telling my fiancée to kick her two bridesmaids out of our wedding?' UPDATED

"AITA for telling my fiancée she should kick her two bridesmaids out of our wedding?"

Let me start with, before the wedding, I actually liked these girls and thought they were pretty good friends. Then we started planning this wedding and oh man have things changed. Now I’m unsure if it’s just the stress in planning the wedding in general, or these girls are really just being ridiculous. I am going to list out all the reasons, as there are quite a few at this point.

1.) We changed the color scheme bc these two girls didn’t like one of the colors, which would’ve been hues of sage and burnt orange. They didn’t like the orange so I said screw it my side will wear it and my fiancées side just took sage. Whatever...

2.) My fiancée went to get her wedding dress with these bridesmaids of hers, and AFTER she bought the one she liked, one of em says to her “Well I really like the other one though” Knowing my fiancée has confidence issues and clothes shopping in general is hard for her, NEVERMIND getting a wedding outfit.

3.) We had an idea of what we wanted for a bachelorette party. We were thinking of doing one together, having games and like a “battle of the bachelorette’s party” as we are a lesbian couple. We thought it would be lots of fun and then we could break off into our parties after our fun and games.

They didn’t like that and vetoed it.. Meanwhile her bridesmaid is also trying to bring her 8 year old child so now they are limiting what we can even do..

4.) We had our bridal shower recently, and they had been in charge of desserts. The whole party they were off on their own, not talking to anyone and when they did, it was with so much attitude. The next day they text my fiancée that she had been quiet after the shower, and asked if anything was wrong.

My fiancée was honest with them and expressed how she felt just to get a response of “I don’t want to talk about the shower anymore. I have been planning for a month and now I will be putting my time into my kids”

Their one and only job was to get desserts, so they ordered it. So I’m just not understanding where the month of planning was.. because really my fiancées man of honor and mother planned the whole thing.

5. My fiancée asked all her bridesmaids if they wanted their hair and makeup done, and the prices of who she was hiring to do them. We also made it a point to tell them that they can also do their own if they wanted to and didn’t want to pay the expense. We didn’t have any specific style so that was all up to them.

These two came and talked to my fiancée saying that the bride will usually pay as a gift to her bridesmaids, and my fiancée being the people pleaser she is, said ok. So now she’s stuck paying for these two girls (because her other bridesmaids thought that was too much and said they’d pay their own)

And my bridesmaids feel bad for the whole situation so they are conversing with my fiancées other two bridesmaids about splitting the cost of her hair and makeup, to ease the stress of paying for theirs.

At this point I’m at my breaking point with these girls and I don’t know what their issue is. My fiancée thinks there is something more they aren’t telling us so she wants us all to talk and figure it out, meanwhile I just want to kick them. To me, friends don’t do this stuff, So AITAH for telling my fiancée kicking them out will give us less stress?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

Witty_Background_1 said:

If they’re causing this much drama and not even doing their part, it might be better to cut ties now and focus on what’s important, your fiancée and you having a great day. Friends should support you, not add stress.

NinjaHidingintheOpen said:

Definitely tell them their behavior is not OK. They will go nuclear so have a plan for how you want your fiance protected because the root of this is is that your fiance is letting them walk all over her.

turtle_time52626 said:

NTA. Weddings are stressful. The people in the wedding party should be helpful and take some of the load off, not add to it. If these girls are some of your fiancé’s best friends, then a real clear and stern conversation needs to be had. Just be cautious that your protective feelings of your fiancé don’t overtake her feelings.

That is what is most important. Don’t TELL her that they need to be kicked out. ASK her if that’s what she wants. This may hurt the friendships moving forward, so it’s a decision your fiance needs to make.

HeckOctopus said:

Time for your fiancé to put her foot down. It’s your big day, not theirs. She must be worried about looking like a bridezilla when that’s not the reality of the situation at all. These are the wedding colors, they can deal with it. It’s not their color? Too bad. I hate wearing brown or orange but if I was told those were the colors, guess what, I’m going to deal with it!

And you’re sure as shit I would keep my opinions on the bridal gown to my damn self unless I was asked for my opinion. And tell them under no circumstances are any children going to your bachelorette. Wtf! These girls need to step aside since it’s not about them!

A few days later, she shared this update on the situation:

So my fiancée was able to get one of them on the phone. In her friends words she “demanded the call” lol Anyways she started by texting them both separately stating she felt there was tension and she wanted to have a discussion. They both had almost the same response, being: “I dont have much time to talk about this before the bachelorette party and just want to forget about it and move past it”

She replied that it was something that was bothering her and needed to address it before the bachelorette. She also said that if being a bridesmaid was a lot of stress and just too much that we don’t mind if you can’t do it, we get it.

The one she was able to get on the phone with was just a bunch of excuses. The bachelorette party was only her stating her opinion because before we had thought of the “battle of the bachelorette” party, my fiancée had said about doing more traditional separate ones, and so she was just trying to make sure it’s what she wanted and all that.

Which fine but you can’t just say no and I feel like could’ve just asked my fiancée in the first place.. Anyways the bridal shower was that she’s shy (which I get) and she didn’t remember anyone’s name and wasn’t introduced. Is that something we are supposed to do? Genuinely asking… because like yeah I guess we could’ve, but everyone was outside.

I feel like they could’ve at least stepped out for a bit or just asked my fiancée who they were (even though they met at our engagement party) we would’ve been happy to walk them around to everyone they don’t know, but I figure as adults I don’t need to hold your hand through it, idk though.

The conversation was basically all excuses in my opinion and the other bridesmaid still doesn’t have time, you know. So idk what’s happening just yet, she said she knew what came with being a bridesmaid and that she wouldn’t have said yes if she didn’t. But I’m not getting that impression from them.