'AITA for telling my fiancée there's no take-backs on $9,000 engagement ring?' UPDATED.
Not every proposal ends in a movie-magic moments of nigh newlywed bliss..
So, when a frustrated fiancé decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's "Am the As^hole" about his soon-to-be wife's decision on her engagement ring, people were ready to weigh in.
"AITA for telling my fiancee there's no take-backs?"
Here's the thing: I 27M proposed to my 26F fiancee (yay!). The proposal time was a surprise but the actual proposal was not, she knew it was coming for a while but this is where it starts to get a little weird. I got her advice and opinions on the PERFECT ring for her.
We both make decent money but I wanted it to be special so I saved up about $9,000 of my spending money over the years(we live together) so I can afford to have the perfect ring for her.
She was pointing out this ring and that ring and these rings how perfect they were, what her ring size was, what kind of cut she wanted, what setting, what band, etc...
Anyways I landed on the perfect ring for her, she approved of it, and we were all set just waiting for it to be fitted properly. The ring came in about 3 weeks before the proposal and I made it special and she said yes, excitedly.
I'm talking dinner, wine, roses, backrubs, movie in bed, THE WHOLE SHEBANG. There was not a detail I missed, I can assure you I went full perfect boyfriend (fiance now) lmao.
Cue to now, which is now 5 weeks after the proposal, and suddenly the whole style of cut and setting that she wanted for her ring is awful. Apparently she made a HUGE mistake with what she wanted and now suddenly she doesn't like it.
I asked her "Maybe just wait a few weeks and see if your mind changes? You never know, maybe this is just proposal jitters or something" and no she's adamantly against it.
I told her in no uncertain terms that this ring cost me a lot of money and we did research for months (almost a full year) together and I thought her mind was made up.
I can't return the ring so now I'm kind of f'd and she's crying and telling me to leave her alone all night tonight.
I personally think she's being childish but I called my mom and she tells me that I should have gotten her something she wanted.
I told her that I DID get her something she wanted but now she doesn't want it, now my mom is telling me to just sell it for a loss and get one she does want.
I said f$%ck all that, not trying to be mean but I'm not going to return a ring that cost me almost 5 figures just because she changed her mind TWO MONTHS after I bought it and had proposed. I think she's talking to her friends now but idk what to think anymore.
Am I being an a#$hole by not returning it? I could technically afford it but this will put a huge dent in my savings and our overall account in general not to mention how stressful all this has been for me.
Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this one:
holdmysnaccs said:
NTA. Dude, if she's going to throw full on crying fits because she changed her mind and is now "stuck" with a $9000 ring, cut bait and run now.
Something_morepoetic said:
NTA- We married 25 years ago. Husband could not afford a ring. Still married with kids, house, etc. still don’t have a ring. it’s not about the ring.
jro925 said:
WTF. Definitely NTA. You cannot give in on this...if she’s going to cause this much drama over a $9,000 ring now, just imagine how she’s going to react to other stuff in the future.
knifewrenchhh said:
NTA and how you handle this will likely set an important precedent for major decisions in your life moving forward. Don’t budge on this.
Later, the post was updated to include this epic bomb drop:
edit: no longer engaged, she cheated on me
edit2: I'm done guys, sorry for the sh%tty edit
And then again:
So...kind of an update. Not sure if anyone is going to read this but I managed to talk to her about everything. She cheated on me with some dude at her work and his wife has a very similar ring to what I got her.
According to her it was the one time but honestly I don't care. I'm very much a "you cheat on me, you're dead to me" kind of person.
That's why she was crying and freaking out I guess. I'm stuck with a ring that I can't use and a fiancee that's not a fiancee anymore. I'm a wreck and I hate it.