'AITA for telling my friend everything everyone has been afraid to tell her?'

"AITA for telling my friend everything everyone has been afraid to tell her?"

I (17f) have a friend who got a new boyfriend a few months ago. Our friend group (5 girls) was really happy for her at first because he’s nice.

But it’s gotten to the point where they can’t be apart for more than five minutes.

He lives in a different city yet somehow he’s always here. When we’re at school, they FaceTime constantly. The moment school ends, he’s already waiting at her house. Whenever our friend group hangs out, he’s there too. It’s gotten really annoying.

We literally can’t be around her without him being there or at least being mentioned. And when he is there, she won’t even look at us. It’s like we’re invisible. It feels like she’s not our friend anymore.

Last night, our group planned one of our usual late-night hangouts. We like to meet at around 10 p.m. and walk around all night just talking. But three hours in, it was obvious that she and her boyfriend were just walking ahead of us, talking only to each other and ignoring the rest of the group.

Everyone else kept whispering about how annoyed they were and how mad this situation was making them. I wasn’t enjoying myself at all. I asked the girls if they wanted to just leave them, because honestly, I didn’t think they’d even notice. One girl said yes, but the other two didn’t want to abandon her. So I left with the one who agreed.

We said goodbye, and only then did my friend finally notice us for the first time that night. She asked where we were going. I was so annoyed that I just told her that we’ll talk about it later and left. We went to eat ramen and continued our walk and honestly, that night was more fun than anything we’ve done together with her in the past month.

The next day, she showed up at my house unannounced and of course, her boyfriend was with her. She demanded to know why we left. So I told her. Not just about last night, but everything everyone had been too scared to say. I told her that she and her boyfriend are obsessed with each other. That ever since they got together, she doesn’t care about us.

That she treats us like we’re only there for her convenience, like punching bags when she’s mad. That she acts entitled and thinks that just because she’s had a rough past, she deserves everything. That she’s rude. Possessive. That she thinks we owe her something just because she was the one who brought us all together.

I unloaded everything. She was crying by the time I was done, and she left.

But five minutes later, she started the argument again in the group chat, which annoyed me even more. So I said all the same things again, but this time I gave examples of every single thing I brought up. She left the group chat after that.

Now the other girls are mad at me, because some of the examples I gave involved things she had done to them, not just me.

I don’t know what to think. AITA? I don’t like how we all complained behind her back, but no one had the guts to say anything to her face but I feel bad that I made her cry.

The internet did not hold back one bit.

armchair-judge wrote:

YTA because neither you nor your friends had a polite conversation with her about the change in her behaviour and that you would like to spend some time without him tagging along but went straight to unleashing lots of pent up resentment.

Had the first conversation happened but not resulted in any changes then you would be justified. As far as this friend is concerned she was loved up and not been aware you and the others had been moaning about her behind her back. Of course she is upset. Learn to communicate.

KuddelDaddeldu wrote:

ESH. Your friend all but abandoning your friend group must have hurt, but you could have handled it better - more calmly and matter-of-fact. Like "I get it that you are madly in love, and that's great for you! But I feel you are ignoring me and your other friends. This hurts me."

"We value your friendship and would like to have some time with you where BF is not the main topic; we like him but we're not in love with him. Can we do that, or would you like a time-out from our friend group so you can focus on him?" You're young and it's normal that you all need to learn adulting. It's a wonderful but also stressful time of your life!

I_am_legen_dary wrote:

YTA. It’s not uncommon for a new couple to want to spend time together.

Rather than simply abandoning your friend and talking behind their back you could have had a simple conversation with them.

“Hey, I get that you and X are really happy and want to spend time together, we are all really happy for you, but don’t think we could go out tonight with just the girls, it would be great to spend more time with you.”

If they say no then at least you made your point with kindness.

NoIntroduction1035 wrote:

NTA…idk what these YTA comments are about. You dealt with it for a while, you didn’t go off on her in the moment, you removed yourself from the situation. She’s the one who pressed on it so hard and left the gc when she realised that all of it is true. Your “friends” need to grow a spine. Ridiculous of all of them to be mad at you. Do you.

Jbrojo wrote:

YTA. You never once bring up if the boyfriend is doing anything hurtful to her other than they just enjoy each others company. I think the rest of you have some jealousy issues because you have no reason to hate on this other than the guy is always there and she likes spending time with him over you.

You and your friends never once try to be respectful beforehand and on top of that you unloaded things that had nothing to do with the issue. What does her having a bad life have to do with her hanging out with her boyfriend too much?

She has every reason to pick him over you, she’s going to spend the rest of her life with a significant other whereas you all are already plotting to kick her out of the group, as an adult in their 30s friends have easily come and gone.

If you would have just said hey I feel like you are drifting away from us and can you try to hang out with us without him you went way overboard and brought out some deep rooted issues you had with her and sounds like projection as you are just as rude and entitled that you think you have the right to talk for your friends and use their words against her.

I mean you get mad at her for bringing it up in the group chat? What was she supposed to do just listen to you and not defend herself after you brought everyone into it besides yourself? By the way all your friends are going to drift away like this once they find the right guy, it’s called growing up. I’m in my 30s and at most I’ll see my friends once a month if not every other month, but I see my wife every day.

Good for her on realizing the miserable “friends” who were all complaining behind her back were never friends in the first place. I really do think this is just jealousy though and I hope you work through that, you never once give an issue other than her boyfriend spends too much time with her so I’m inclined to believe we aren’t getting the whole story.

Thankthebaker wrote:

YTA. That was a pretty awful thing to do. There is no justification to be this level of unkind and you said things with the intention to cause her pain. I can’t imagine how horrible you made your ‘friend’ feel.

This was all so unnecessary. You could have talked to her with respect and consideration but instead you chose pain and I think the path forward will be fraught with anger and conflict and I doubt your friendship will survive.

BigMemory44 wrote:

Ugh...one of my best friends did this. It got to the point where if you invited him to do ANYTHING he'd bring his girl. Literally attached at the hip...they melded into ONE person, no longer having individuality what so ever.

They're married now and obviously it's even worse. We haven't talked in years...it's crazy how some people will just become who they're dating. I'm all for sharing interests, doing things together...but you should still retain your OWN interests, hobbies, friends.