'AITA for telling my friend she should go to New Zealand alone after our Bali trip?'
"AITA for telling my friend she should go to New Zealand alone after our Bali trip?"
Okay so me (24F) and my friend (22F) just went to bali for 6 days. Long story short, she basically wanted to stay in the villa most of the time. We landed late Sunday night and were both wrecked so we slept.
On Monday, we got breakfast and our nails done and dinner. I suggested we should go out to a bar after. I could tell she was kind of bored and was on her phone LOTS but I tried to make the night fun by dancing etc.
This same night, I was on Hinge and a guy said to come to this other bar. The vibes weren’t great where we were so I asked her if she wanted to go to this other bar and she said yes.
We end up going. Unfortunately this guy is by himself but had a friend flying in that night. He sat in the middle of us trying to include her but it naturally turned into a third wheel situation.
After about 30 minutes, she starts yawning, saying she’s tired and saying she wants to go home. Fair enough. I get it ,you don’t want to third wheel. So, I got us a car back to the villa.
The next day, she wanted to stay in the villa ALL DAY. Apart from going to the markets for like an hour and getting food. We spent most of the time by the pool. We go out for dinner and I suggested that we go out and she says she’s “absolutely not going out “. I didn’t want to go out alone in a foreign country, so I stayed the night in the villa.
Next day is NYE and we had a ticket to Finn's beach club. We spent all day in the villa which I was fine with because I knew we’d have a big night. At Finn's there’s heaps of people. I like socializing and talking to strangers but she kind of just wanted to dance us two.
She then drops on me that she’s being loyal to a guy she met at a festival about three weeks ago - she didn’t tell me this until that night. Anyway, we’re at Finn's and I end up mingling with a group of guys.
They also had a booth which they let us sit at. I could sense she was pissed because she was on her phone and wasn’t dancing or socializing. The guys invite us back to their villa and she declined, so we end up walking her back to our villa and and I ended up staying the night at theirs.
The next day - villa and dinner. The day after - she gets a tattoo, we get a massage and we fly home. Before Bali, we also discussed going to New Zealand in April. However, this was an incredibly frustrating trip for me and it was apparent that we didn’t communicate properly.
I gave myself time to calm down and sent her a message telling her that I needed to be honest and after reflecting on Bali. I think we have different travel styles and it would be a better idea for her to go to New Zealand on her own so we both don’t feel like we’re compromising (she was originally going solo and invited me).
Now she hasn’t spoken to me in over a week.
AITA for not wanting to go to New Zealand with her and was I a bad friend on this trip?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
This whole post is how people go missing in a foreign country. Sorry, but it needs to be said. You communicated with a random dude on an app known for hook-ups and went to meet up with him. It sounds like your friend reluctantly agreed.
Then at the other party thing you met a group of guys and went back to their villa and…stayed the night? This all sounds so dangerous and stupid and you’re lucky nothing bad happened to you.
NTA for not wanting to go to New Zeland with your friend because you both would have a miserable time, and at least you were honest about it. But damn, realize that what you’re doing in foreign countries is really, really dangerous.
I was gasping and clutching my pearls while reading this!! She broke every golden rule for traveling as a woman. Even showed them where they were staying by walking her friend back!!
YTA I would be fuming if I went on a 6 day trip with one of my best friends and they downloaded a dating app and left me on my own to stay at someone else’s villa. If you were going for a month it’d be somewhat understandable but you were there less than a week...
YTA Expecting her to hook up every day with random guys to match your vibe. I’m not shaming you, I used to be a wild child years ago. It’s the part of my life I most regret now.
It's very telling that the majority of people here choose to judge OP for wanting to flirt and potentially have casual sex, rather than answering the actual question of whether it's okay to cancel a future trip due to different traveling styles. It's 2026 and yet it's clearly still not okay for women to just want to hook up sometimes.
NTA. There's nothing wrong with either of your styles of holiday -- except that they don't work well together. Lesson learned. If you travel again with someone else, do a lot more talking beforehand about expectations.
Go out and do what you want to do, and don't miss out on things because someone else prefers to stay in. You made the right choice to pull out of the NZ trip, and you were clear about your reasons.