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'AITA for telling my friend the truth on why she is not able to keep a relationship?' UPDATED

'AITA for telling my friend the truth on why she is not able to keep a relationship?' UPDATED

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"AITA for telling my friend the truth on why she is not able to keep a relationship?"

I have a close friend and she is really sweet but she complains a lot on why she can't keep a relationship. I usually don't say anything because I don't want to hurt her feelings but she got broken up with again the other day and yesterday was complaining to me about how it seems like men don't actually want to settle down and they all suck etc.

I finally tried to explain the best way I could without coming off as disrespectful but when she's single she hangs around lots of men. Some of them she used to date and are just her “friends" now as she says. So when she gets into relationships, she still hangs around these same men.

Now I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that, but being around multiple men alone while having a boyfriend can make some guys jealous, or maybe even a little insecure. And when her boyfriends would sometimes express how they feel, she would brush them off and call them “controlling."

Another thing is she will blow off things with her bfs at the time to hang with her male friends. Her ex got mad at her one time because she forgot about a date they had planned and hung out with her friends instead and he was pissed rightfully so. I explained to her that she constantly puts her friends over her relationships and that's why they don't last.

You don't have to stop hanging with friends, but when you get in a relationship, you can't keep hanging out as if you're still single cause you have someone else in your life now.

After hearing that she got all upset at me and claimed I was "shaming" her and had "internalized misogyny" and hung up the call on me. Since our conversation yesterday she hasn't been answering my calls or text messages and I'm starting to feel as if I said something wrong or should have kept my mouth shut.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Elvia_trollop said:

Sometimes the truth stings, but it helps in the long run.

MaximusREBryce said:

NTA, it also just sounds she’s still in that phase in life where she just wants to have fun, as you said nothing wrong with that, but at the same time she shouldn’t expect every other guy to want that.

DokCrimson said:

NTA, those are two very good reasons. I wouldn't want my GF hanging out with all her exes or guys she slept with... and more so, I would be very out the door if she bailed on me to hang out with them. I hope she's in her early 20s because otherwise this is really immature behavior...

TravisBravo said:

NTA, she just wants you to tell her she is great and that men are the problem. Seriously though, she sounds exhausting.

Headeyes4life said:

NTA, you’re friend knows why she doesn’t makes relationships last. She just wants a pity party and you didn’t play along. You’re 4 years younger and still wise enough to know where this is heading for her. Honestly, might be a good move to place some distance because it’s only going to get worse and she might dump more drama onto you.

Shoesietart said:

NTA. Sometimes, part of being friends means saying things people don't want to hear. Give her space to be upset. If things return to normal, you can agree to not talk about her love life.

UPDATE:

She finally accepted my call and I tried to speak calm and respectfully but all she wanted to do was argue with me. Her main point was she felt disrespected because as her friend I should have been uplifting her instead of putting her down and that I was taking the side of random men that I do not personally know.

I tried explaining to her me telling her the truth on why her relationships keep failing isn’t me taking random men sides it’s just me being honest and not lying to her. But she didn’t want to hear that and got more loud with me over the phone and began swearing and calling me names.

And when I asked how I shamed her she said because of the way I described her hanging with her friends as if she was still sleeping with them. She said she has slept with some in the past but not anymore and any man that has a problem with her still being friends with them is “insecure."

I disagreed with that statement and then she called me a “pick me” and that I don’t realize the internalized misogyny I have. She then called me “jealous” saying that I’m projecting onto her because I want male friends of my own (I do not) and that this is why she doesn’t hang around “females” like me because they are very “bitter” and messy.

I then told her if every woman she encounters she doesn’t get along with then maybe the problem is with her. I don’t think I had done anything wrong besides tell her the truth unless she wants friends just hyping her up and not saying how they really feel.

After more back and forth I just hung up on her and haven’t responded to her messages saying how she will fight me and such and such. The friendship is honestly over now as people were saying in the last post.

Here's what top commenters had to say about the update:

Nausicaalotus said:

And she called you messy? Oh hunny. Good riddance.

TNBD7301 said:

NTA. She “can’t handle the truth." You are a true friend because you are willing to take the risk of being honest with her. Everyone needs a friend like you.

Plane_Blueberry_3570 said:

NTA glad the trash took itself out.

repthe732 said:

She called you a “pick me” and then went on to talk about how she doesn’t get along with other girls? She’s 100% a “pick me” from what you’ve described.

NotSorry2019 said:

That one isn’t going to find a happy relationship for a very long time, and will never understand why because NOTHING is her fault. Count your blessings that she’s out of your life. NTA.

YuunofYork said:

She's 100% right about that insecurity, though, and that's a red flag nobody with a brain needs to deal with. If you can't handle exes being in someone's life, you don't deserve a relationship.

That is some tweenage bullshit that needs to die, not be normalized. It's not normal; it's psychotic. Your other points, in the OP, about her time management and scheduling are good ones and probably the primary issue here. Just don't make it about the other thing.

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