'AITA for telling my friend's BF that she had been taking advantage of him?'
"AITA for telling my (29M) friend's bf that she (23F) had been taking advantage of him because she did the same thing to me?"
To understand the full scope of the situation, there needs to be some context on how my ex-friend took advantage of me before her current bf. My friend, Apple moved in with me. With the exception that she would not only sign the lease for the apartment. But I also drafted my own roommate agreement and had her sign that too just in case.
Not long after Apple moved in, the restaurant we both served at shut down. Ngl we both saw this coming from like 10 miles away. I already secured a different position at another job. Apple was not so lucky. I would leave for work while Apple would stay home and apply for jobs online. But she could never really find anything on the account that she didn't have a car. Enter current bf.
He was very respectful and a pretty cool guy, so I'll just call him Res. Tensions were rising between Apple and I. We were arguing almost every day. So following the advice of a close friend of mine who mediated several of our arguments. Apple moved out of my place and in with Res. Leaving me in a really tight spot financially. But Res empathized with me by paying me back in Apple's stead.
How I wish that was the end.
Idk why but Apple believed that we were square. At best, I kept her at arm's length. Several months later, Apple & Res moved to a bigger city and here's were the meat of this post is about.
Apple still kept in touch with me while Res got a better and higher paying job. Apple, still has yet to find a new job and uses excuse after excuse to not have or find one. "There's only 1 car between us." "I need my driver's license to work anywhere." "I can't find anything within walking distance." "Remote jobs in my area aren't hiring."
While Apple was home alone most days. She told me that she downloaded some dating app and made "friends." Sleeping with some of them because in her mind. Res was "ignoring" her and, "beginning to feel more like a roommate than a bf."
So after a lot of thought and some screenshotted evidence. I sent it to Res explaining that Apple was cheating on him. Using the excuse that her Mental Health "depended" on it. Here's where I may BTA, after I sent those screenshots to Res. He had some questions that I didn't know the answer to.
So with some light chatting with Apple. (She didn't know I told Res but they were fighting by this point.) I gathered more evidence from her and sent those Screenshots to Res. With the added, "This is now 100% your circus & monkey. I don't want anything else to do with it." My overthinking is telling me that I'm TA, because I communicated with both parties to incriminate one of them.
And pretty much starting the whole fight. But the bro in me is saying I did the right thing by warning Res of Apple's actions and what to expect if they continued to stay together. And he was such a respectful dude. I felt like I had to help him out like he helped me. So, AITA For telling my friend's bf that she had been taking advantage of him because she did the same thing to me?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Fit_Faithlessness609 wrote:
Cheating is wrong and those who do it shouldn’t be excused due to “mental health” I have multiple mental illnesses and it’s never made me wanna cheat on my person because they work💀
OP responded:
I never really understood why Apple kept leaning on her Mental Health as if it was a crutch or as an excuse for her actions. That's what really blew me away.
silentjudge_ wrote:
NTA, but I wouldn’t involve myself further if I were you, exactly not to cross that line.
There’s always the chance they’ll make up and stay together, then you’ll be forever remembered as someone trying to start a fire between them.
OP responded:
Oh of course, I blocked Apple and told Res that it was now his choice on how to move forward. Whether they stay together or not. That's Res' choice. And I removed myself from the equation completely.
Inner_Idea1546 wrote:
Well done man. Stellar operation Saving a Bro. She was using him financially, living off of his hard work and sleeping arround. It is good you told him. He would find out sooner or later anyway.
NTA.
OP responded:
Res helped me out of a tight spot that Apple left me in. Due to the negligence of her own financial situation. I didn't just owe the guy one, it should be common courtesy to let anyone know about their partner's cheating. Because that's not fair to them.
helpmygrandparents wrote:
Yikes, how would you like to find out that way? NTA but definitely not friends anymore either.
OP responded:
Oh definitely not, this is now Res' Circus and Monkey. And I have fully removed myself from the equation by blocking Apple.
[deleted] wrote:
NTA and it sounds like Apple is definitely a user of other people who are trying to give her the benefit of the doubt but she clearly showed her true colours. Sounds like Res is a good person and I’m glad you told him so that he wasn’t getting played by her.