'AITA for telling my husband that he isn’t in charge in the ER? He is deeply impatient.'

"AITA for telling my husband that he isn’t in charge in the ER?"

My husband is still really mad at me for this and it’s been a few days, so I figured I’ll bring it here and see what other people have to say. A few days ago I (f23) broke my foot by tripping over a really big tree root when I was gardening.

I knew I had broken something when it happened but I hobbled back inside but I could barely put even a little bit of weight on it so my husband (m33) took me to the ER. For context my husband isn’t the most patient person in the world and he is kind of nervous around hospitals/doctors though he’d never admit that.

When I was pregnant he would be nervous just being in the office and they’d tease him about feelings of a new dad, but it was really just white coat syndrome lol. Anyway so when we were in the ER he was being expectantly impatient and pacing around. We waited around an hour before I got called back, by then he was really straining to still be polite.

He wasn’t rude or anything but he was just very short with the nurses and the other people and didn’t say much. When they asked me about pregnancy status he interrupted me because of how recent I was pregnant. A couple minutes later the nurse asked him to leave. At first he was like why and she just said it’s standard for a few questions because they have to give me privacy.

He said we are married, we don’t have or need privacy from each other. She was trying to be really nice and was just like it’s just standard sorry, but he wouldn’t go until she was like I’ll literally have to call security if you don’t willing go for like 5 minutes. I eventually said, you’re not in charge in this ER, please go.

He was livid I could tell but he did go and she asked me really strange questions about my living situation. Everything was fine and she let him back in and they gave me x rays and a boot and we left. Well, my husband was very upset about “how the hospital treated us, making us wait and separating a married couple."

I know he just hated being there in the first place and the fact I said what I said. He hasn’t downright said it to me but he’s been so passive aggressive about “being in charge”. Generally I feel like I really do try my best to keep the peace but I really didn’t want security called or anything insane to happen while I was just trying to see if I broke my foot or not. AITA for that?

The internet was quick to share their thoughts.

Vast-Fortune-1583 wrote:

NTA: Your husband needs to grow up! "Separating a married couple". Jesus, it's a hospital. Husbands and wives can't always be together while doctors are working on people.

And they certainly can't ask if you're in an ab#$ive situation with him standing there.

Pie_Compreshensive1818 wrote:

Sweetheart. I’m saying this as someone with kids your age, who was in an a#$sive relationship with someone who acted just like your husband. They asked him to leave, and asked you those questions, because he is showing every sign of being a#$sive to you. Married couples have privacy from each other. That is normal. Reacting to being uncomfortable with anger is not normal.

A normal person, who loves his spouse, finds ways to cope: even if that means handing you over to the care of the ED personnel and saying “honey I love you, please call me when you’re done, but I can’t stay here right now”. But making himself the centre of attention- as he was doing with his little tantrum? - that is Not Normal and not the way a loving spouse behaves. Please do not have children with this man. Please love yourself enough to see a world beyond him. Best of luck honey.

Pure-Swordfish6022 wrote:

She wasn’t asking you strange questions. She was trying to figure out if your husband was ab*sing you and whether you were in danger. Which is what hospitals are supposed to do when someone comes in with an injured partner and proceeds to act like an a--hat. You are absolutely NTA. But I am concerned for your well being if this is a regular way of behaving, especially with a “being in charge” comment.

Gold_Adhesiveness_80 wrote:

Your husband gave off the signs of an ab-ser. The pacing, the irritation, the rudeness, not letting you answer for yourself and refusing to leaving the room are all signs of domestic violence. I think you should really sit with the fact that trained professionals were concerned because of the red flag behavior your husband was exhibiting.

You seem to let this roll off non chalantly and make excuses for him. But you should be thinking about it more. “We married. We don’t need privacy”. Do you see how controlling this is?!?! This is not “white coat syndrome”. This was a temper tantrum that made the nurse nervous enough to threaten involving the hospital security.

Then he got mad at you. Instead of being apologetic he blamed you and engaged in passive aggressive behavior. This man is either extremely immature or he’s unable to control his temper. It’s probably a combination of both. You need to speak to a therapist. Everything is not ok and this isn’t “nervous behavior."

corgihuntress wrote:

They wanted you alone because he was acting like he was an ab-ser. Those weren't strange questions. They were safety questions. And your husband needs to learn a modicum of politeness and civility. NTA.

fascinationstreet wrote:

He said we are married, we don’t have or need privacy from each other.

he’s been so passive aggressive about “being in charge

I feel like I really do try my best to keep the peace

I really didn’t want security called

They believe that you are in an ab-sive relationship, and you don't recognize that you might be.