'AITA for telling my husband I needed a break at 2am when he asked where I was?'
"AITA for telling my husband I needed a break at 2am when he asked where I was?"
I told my husband I needed a break at 2am and now my entire life is destroyed. So I've been married for eight years. My husband is 35, I'm 32. We have two kids, 6 and 4. He's always been a good dad, works from home doing IT stuff, handles most of the cooking because I work late at the hospital as a nurse.
About six months ago I started getting close to this guy at work. He's a pharmaceuticals rep, 28, comes by the hospital twice a week. We started texting. Then meeting for coffee. Then more. I know what I did was wrong but it felt like something I needed, you know? Like I was drowning in mom life and work and he made me feel young again.
Anyway, last Friday night I was supposed to be at a late shift. I wasn't. I was with him at his apartment. My husband texted me around 11pm asking when I'd be home and I said midnight.
But I lost track of time and at 1:30am my phone started blowing up. Missed calls, texts asking where I was, if I was okay. I panicked. I drove home and got there around 2am. My husband was sitting in the living room with all the lights on. He looked terrified and then relieved and then angry.
He asked where I was and I just, I don't know what came over me but I said "I think we need to take a break."
He stared at me like I'd slapped him. He said "What? Right now? At 2am you want to tell me this?"
And I doubled down. I said I'd been feeling disconnected and needed space and maybe we should spend some time apart. He asked if there was someone else. I said "That's none of your business. You don't get to know who I'm with or what I do during a break."
His face went completely blank.
He said "Get out."
I said I lived here too and he said "Then I'll leave." He went upstairs and I heard him moving around. I texted the pharmaceuticals rep telling him things got messy but I'd handled it and we could be together now. He didn't respond.
I went upstairs around 3am and the bedroom door was locked. I knocked and my husband said through the door "I'm sleeping in here with the kids tonight. You can have the couch."
I tried to argue but he wouldn't open the door.
I woke up around 9am to someone knocking. I answered and it was the pharma rep's wife. She's maybe 26, pregnant, holding a toddler. She said "Are you [my name]?" and I froze.
She said "My husband's phone was open this morning. I saw everything. Every text, every photo you sent him. He told me it meant nothing and he's cutting contact but I wanted you to know you destroyed my family."
Then she left.
I tried to call the pharma rep. Blocked. I tried to text him. Blocked.
I went upstairs to talk to my husband. The bedroom door was open but nobody was there. I checked my phone and saw he'd added me to a group chat with his parents, my parents, and his two sisters.
The chat was full of screenshots. Every text I'd sent to the pharma rep over six months. The flirty ones. The explicit ones. The ones where I complained about my husband being boring.
The ones where I said I was planning to leave once I figured out the finances. His last message in the chat said "This is who she really is. I'm filing on Monday. The kids and I are staying with my parents. She can have the house for now."
My mom called me crying. My dad called and just said "How could you?" and hung up. My mother-in-law left me a voicemail calling me a cheating monster who abandoned her grandchildren.
I drove to his parents' house. They wouldn't let me in. I could see my kids playing in the backyard through the fence and I started crying and my father-in-law came out and said if I didn't leave he'd call the police. The pharma rep's wife must have told people at the hospital because when I went in for my Monday shift my supervisor called me into her office.
Apparently the pharma rep filed a complaint saying I'd been harassing him and his company is threatening to pull their contract with the hospital if I'm not dealt with. I'm on suspension pending investigation.
My husband's divorce attorney sent a letter yesterday. He's asking for full custody, citing abandonment and infidelity. He documented that I left the house at 2am and told him he had no right to know where I was or who I was with. He has the texts where I called him boring and said I was planning my exit.
I have nobody. My parents aren't speaking to me. My friends all know. The pharma rep's wife posted about it on Facebook and tagged mutual acquaintances. My sister called and said I'm selfish and cruel and she doesn't want her kids around me.
I tried to explain to my husband that I was confused and made a mistake and the pharma rep manipulated me. He sent back a one-line text: "You announced a break at 2am to cover an affair and told me I had no right to know who you were with. There's nothing to explain."
I just wanted to feel wanted again. I didn't think it would go like this. My whole life fell apart in 48 hours because I panicked and said the wrong thing. Was I wrong for how I handled this? Could I have done it differently?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Why did you get married and waste your husbands time and energy plus yours too. You broke up your home for excitement? What a waste of time for everyone.
Gotta watch those nurses 😆
I have plenty of friends who’ve gone into nursing/medical and sadly almost all of them have ended up cheating on their significant others, both men and women. Not all, but definitely more than 70%. Seems to happen a lot in that field.
Damn... Sucks that even Sis isn't talking to you in this one!
Really? Because you said the wrong thing? Nothing else comes to mind? You had six months to have some kind of foresight as to what you might say when you got caught. He is just being as raw and unemotional as you have been. All said, it’s a huge price to pay, so hopefully your story is a warning to others.