'AITA for telling my husband I will file for divorce if he lets his brother move in with us?'
"AITA for telling my husband I will file for divorce if he lets his brother move in with us?"
I know the title sounds extreme but I am completely at my breaking point. My husband has a brother who has been a total mess for as long as I’ve known him. He refuses to keep a steady job, he blows all his money on partying, and he is constantly creating drama. We have bailed him out financially more times than I can count and he never pays us back.
We just bought our first house about two months ago. It was a massive struggle to save up for the down payment and things are still tight for us. Yesterday my husband came home looking guilty and dropped the bomb on me.
Apparently his brother got evicted again because he spent his rent money on a weekend trip. My husband wants him to stay in our guest room for a few weeks until he gets back on his feet.
I immediately said absolutely not. I reminded him that the last time we let him crash with us at our old apartment, he stole cash from my wallet, ate all our food, and brought random strangers over at 3am on work nights.
It almost broke us up back then. My husband insisted it would be different this time and started guilt tripping me, saying we can’t let family live on the street and that since the house is half his, he gets a say in who stays here.
I snapped. I was shaking I was so mad. I told him that if his brother moves a single box into our home, I am packing a bag and contacting a lawyer. I told him I am done parenting a grown man and I’m done being second priority to his brother’s lack of responsibility.
He started crying and said I was being manipulative and cruel for threatening our marriage over a temporary favor. Now he is giving me the silent treatment and his mom called me to tell me I’m destroying the family. I feel like maybe I went too far with the divorce threat but I honestly don’t think I can survive living with his brother again. AITA here?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA…since his mom wants to get involved with your marriage and thinks you’re destroying the family, tell her that your BIL can move in with her…problem solved.
Her son. Her problem.
And her responsibility. The audacity of them to get mad at the OP though. The brother has proven himself as reckless, immature and untrustworthy. And they're just enabling him.
No wonder he's not improving. The husband is just kidding himself in thinking it will be different this time. Good for OP for standing up for herself. It's not her responsibility to pick up after the brother like some doormat, just because he's related to her husband.
Grown men don’t need parenting. They need consequences. Your husband’s brother is testing your patience, not your love.
You let him in and he won't leave. NTA. Do not let this happen. The threat was reasonable to me, especially with people like that.
« I reminded him that the last time we let him crash with us at our old apartment, he stole cash from my wallet » This BIL sounds like a nightmare I would loose my mind too.
NTA. Your husband needs to prioritize your relationship. You should be his NUMBER ONE priority. You’re not being manipulative, you’re setting boundaries. Completely valid boundaries.
His brother stole from you and let strangers into your home late at night. that in and of itself should be the red flags your husband needs that you don’t let him back in your home. How can you feel safe in that environment?? Do not give in. You are not responsible for saving his brother from his own terrible choices. You deserve a partner who prioritizes YOU.
NTA. And you're right... Hubby has a severe problem with his family and needs to figure out whats more important to him. And one second he's accusing you of being manipulative, the next he's trying to manipulate you by the silent treatment AND has his mother attempting to coerce you??
Nope...Sorry, but unless hubby wakes up with an epiphany (unlikely) this will be a recurring theme for your marriage...Get ready - one of these days you will come home and find BIL in the guest room.... and when you do, dont discuss, just pack and leave... so prepare a place to stay now...
"for a few weeks" -- there's no way it would only be for a few weeks. Lazy-ass brother will camp in your guest room until your husband finds his balls and throws him out. And how likely is that to happen?
It WILL NOT be different this time. It WILL NOT be temporary. "But family" is a stupid reason to tolerate a loser. You are 100% correct in your stance. Leaving and divorcing is the only answer if your spineless husband lets his brother move in.
You aren't the one destroying the family. The lazy-ass brother is doing that, along with all the support from the enablers around him. Time to walk away from this massive train wreck.
NTA I notice how your husband cried to his mother and she calls you to guilt you because she doesn't want her son living with her! Why isn't her son living with her? MIL and your husband are major AH's. You're supposed to be your husband's family first and above his brother yet he's not putting you first.
Now that you've put the word divorce out there, you have to be prepared to keep your word and leave the house if your husband wants to push and have his brother move in despite you saying no. Right now he's giving you the silent treatment so you will back down and let his brother move in. Good luck.