'AITA for telling my husband he's made me reconsider leaving him alone with the kids?'

"AITA for telling my husband he's made me reconsider leaving him alone with the kids in the future?"

Hi, I wanted to get an opinion of whether I was in the wrong here. It was my niece's wedding this weekend. She's my oldest niece, the first amongst her cousins to get married, and I'm very close to her. There were also some events happening last weekend.

So I had taken the last week off from work and flew to hers the weekend before. My husband and the kids (12 y/o daughter, 10 y/o son) were supposed to fly in at Friday for the main event. Before I left I had prepared enough food for them to last the while. The stuff they were planning on eating first, I had put in the fridge, and other dishes in the freezer.

All they had to do was let it thaw, put it in the pan (or the pot), add some water and heat it. I had even marinated some chicken separately for them to cook in the oven. For their school lunch I had told my husband what had to be made for them, that it would take 20 minutes in the morning so to factor that in. He had said he understood.

Now this is my fault too, but for the first two days I made sure to ask during my conversations with them if the food situation was fine, but hadn't brought it up later, plus all the events we were having distracted me too.

When they flew in I asked if it had all gone well, if the food had run out, he said no there was more than enough, which made me feel better. But when we got home yesterday, there was way more food left than I thought.

I brought it up, and found out that even thawing and heating the food was too much to do after the initial refrigerated dishes, and they'd defaulted to eating out. And he'd been giving them lunch money instead of home made lunch. I was so annoyed, I told him I was disappointed in him, that I'd have to now think twice before ever leaving him alone with the kids again.

He got heated too, said I wasn't giving him his due credit for taking care of the kids, they were happy with what he was doing and that should be it, that the kids were safe and sound and there had been no emergencies, and it was messed up for m to say I didn't trust him with the kids. We'd been curt with each other in the morning today. AITA?

Edit: I' just want to add we had discussed what I should leave for them before I started cooking. I asked the kids what they want, and had discussed it with him, he'd asked me to make his favorite meal which was the one they ate first. Also, yes I do work. I'm a dentist and have my own practice.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Swirlyflurry wrote:

NTA. He needs to step up.

"Giving him his due credit for taking care of the kids."

They are his kids. He doesn’t get a medal for looking after them.

"That the kids were safe and sound and there had been no emergencies."

So he did the bare minimum of keeping them alive.

You are the one who went above and beyond, planning and preparing meals for a week so that he wouldn’t have to. That is mental labor and physical chores that you took off his plate, that he should have been able to do on his own because, again, they are his kids. But even that wasn’t enough hand-holding for him. Keeping the kids alive for a week is the bare minimum.

He also needs to account for their health and the family budget, both of which took a hit by repeated eating out and making the kids rely on school lunches. You prepped everything so he only had to put in the barest effort to be a parent while you were gone, and he couldn’t even do that. He needs to reflect on that, instead of trying to make you feel like the bad guy for pointing it out.

Impossible_rain_4727 wrote:

Light YTA: I get it. It is a waste of money. It is also a real waste of the time and effort you spent preparing things. I also don't like those fun takeaways when you are not there to enjoy them too. So, I do think you are totally valid in being upset. That said, "I don't trust you with the kids" is such an extreme statement to tell your partner when the kids were happy, safe, clothed, and fed.

Like, if you kept the topic to him wasting money, or not appreciating all your effort, or even letting the kids eat junk food for a week, I would be on your side.

But what you said cuts deeper than that. If that makes sense?

grumpykitten79 wrote:

I guess I’m a different kind of wife, because I’m leaving next week to go out of town, I told my husband to figure it out while I’m gone lol. He knows where the grocery store is. IMO is a competent adult and knows how to take care of our kids too.

inc0gnita wrote:

NTA. Shocking that men think they should be praised and applauded for looking after their own kids without having any "emergencies"...sorry, the bare minimum?

Pittielover1 wrote:

He got exactly what he wanted. He pretended he was too incompetent to even thaw and heat up food that was already prepared. His reward is now that you’ll never ask him to TAKE CARE OF HIS OWN CHILDREN again. This can't possibly be the only time he’s acted utterly helpless in order to get you to do anything and everything he doesn’t want to do. You don’t have a husband, you have a third child. NTA.