'AITA for telling my husband this was the worst Mother’s Day I’ve ever had?' UPDATED

"AITA for telling my husband this is the worst Mother’s Day I’ve had?"

So obviously it was recently Mother’s Day. Well I (24f) woke up that morning to my husband (23m) not at home. In the past he will do this and come back home with a gift whether it be valentines/birthday/Mother’s Day. But When I texted him and asked where he was, he told me he was out buying himself a new pair of shoes. I said okay.

He comes home, invites all of his friends over and they all ride dirt bikes, hangout, and I do not see my husband all day long. I got my toddler and went outside to try and spend time with him. My toddler runs up to him while he’s talking and he turns around and snaps at me and tells me that I “need to watch her” This upset me so we just went back inside.

I went back out again later to ask if he had eaten the rest of the grapes and when I said “hey babe” he turned around and snapped at me again and said “WHAT?” In a very irritated tone. I just said Nevermind and went back inside again.

The third time really just send me over the edge when I walked out and asked if he could help me with something (I have placenta previa and can’t lift anything over 20lbs) and he says “I guess just let me drop everything I’m doing and help you” and slams his stuff down on the tailgate of his truck. I said nevermind and went back inside and never went back out again.

About an hour later, he comes inside to grab a drink, he sees I’ve been crying (I’m highly sensitive and 6 months pregnant taking care of a wild 4yo) and asks in a very irritated tone “what’s wrong with you now?”

I try my best to tell him while uncontrollably sobbing that I’ve had the worst Mother’s Day and before I can even get it out of my mouth he calls me childish for crying like a baby and tells me that I’m being an @$$hole just trying to make him feel like a POS. He then tells me that Mother’s Day is for celebrating your mother not your wife and that I don’t deserve to be “rewarded”. I’ve laid in bed and cried pretty much all day.

Some background: we’ve been together 6 years married 4, have a 4 year old, and I’m currently pregnant due in September. He’s never acted like this before. He’s always showered me in gifts and shown so much love on holidays.

I’m starting to question if I’ve been a bad mother and if he’s right in saying that I do not deserve to be celebrated for Mother’s Day. AITA for telling my husband that I’ve had the worst Mother’s Day and making him feel like a POS? I wasn’t trying to make him feel bad, I was just really hurt and upset.

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

Jealous-Ad-5146 said:

Wow, he just talks to you like that? All the time? The hell! You know that's not normal or okay? Now that he knows he messed up, he's trying to spin it around and make it about himself. Why are you staying? You're not overly emotional. If anything, I think you're under emotional at this point. I would have lost it. I'm so sorry. This isn't okay. He should feel like a POS because he is one.

The_Bad_Agent said:

He's definitely trash. Whatever you do, do NOT acknowledge father's day at all. Not in any way. Not a gift. Not well wishes. Hell, if you're up to it, go out, and leave the toddler with him.

OP responded:

I asked him how he would feel if I spent the day with friends (that I don’t have. Literally don’t have a single friend) and treated him the way he treated me and he pretty much got super defensive and said he had a hard day and went on about how he wasn’t loved as a child so he doesn’t know how to express his feelings.

PS the only reason he ever says that is because a while ago I told him that he needs to work on expressing his feelings in a positive way because he doesn’t know how due to how he was treated as a child. Now every time he gets mad or upset with me and this is the excuse and he doesn’t really work towards fixing it.

PreparationScared said:

Today was the first time he’s been a nasty @$$hole? It doesn’t seem possible that he could turn from a nice person to a horrible jerk overnight, unless he had a traumatic brain injury yesterday, like a sharp blow to the head. Is that it?

OP responded:

we argue a lot but today he was a whole different level of angry with me. I just meant that he usually makes me feel special during holidays and his love language is gift giving so today was a stark difference.

sizzlinsunshine said:

This is horrid. You need to get out of this. You got together as teenagers and now you’re almost a family of 4 in just 6 years. He’s freaking out. His anger may turn violent but his tone is already its own kind of violence. Don’t stand for this. Don’t teach your children that this is what a loving partnership looks like. Take your young family somewhere away from him and go live a beautiful life. Please 🙏

SnooFoxes4362 said:

I’d be moving out. He doesn’t respect you or like you or the toddler, let alone love either of you. You’d be happier in a women’s shelter (emotional and psychological abuse ) rather than stay another year with this @$$hole.

Comfortable-Doubt said:

I think the whole "don't tell anyone about your marital problems" has possibly been a patriarchal tool, used to keep women in unhealthy marriages. Tell people what you're going through. You will find support and solidarity, and a lot of validation. You aren't alone.

OP responded:

A big factor into why I feel this way is because he will run to his mom and brothers about all of our issues and they are VERY biased towards him and voice this to me. How that makes me feel is something I would never wanna do to another person.

RebaKitt3n asked:

What have you done on previous mother’s days? This isn’t your first with a baby.

OP responded:

He’s always woken me up to flowers, a card from him, and a card from my daughter. Then we go out to eat and I visit my grandmother. This year none of those things happened. I got a “happy Mother’s Day” over the phone while he was out to buy his new work shoes this morning.

smalltuff said:

OP this man is cheating on you and is projecting his internal guilt as anger and resentment to you. so many men cheat when their wife is pregnant because they are incredibly weak.

OP responded:

I’ve seriously contemplated if he’s cheating on me many many times, but I honestly have no idea how he would even be able to. He’s home pretty much 24/7. He owns his own business (just starting out) and the only time he leaves is for a job which is rarely (maybe once or twice a month and I usually go with him to help out with customers).

When he does leave I have his location, he calls me on the job site, and I’ve been to 99% of his job sites with him. I have complete access to his phone whenever I want even if I just randomly ask for it he doesn’t even flinch and hands it right to me (and I do the same for him) I’ve thought to myself that cheating would explain his behavior but there’s 0 indication or opportunity for him to cheat.

She later shared this edit to her post:

I didn’t mean he just randomly started acting this way, he’s been nasty in the past and always apologized after and says “he’ll change” It’s just that he’s never acted this way on a holiday. He’s always went out of his way to make me feel special on holidays celebrating me.

Second edit: thank you for all of the kinds words and advice, I truly appreciate it. I haven’t opened up to anyone about my relationship so it feels a little better to hear other opinions other than ones biased towards him from his family members.

I think I’m gonna ask him about couples counseling to see if maybe a third party could find the root of the problem because I’m 100% willing to fix what needs to be fixed on my end. I’ll update after I talk to him if i decide not to delete this post.

I’ve been contemplating whether or not I should leave this up simply because I feel like I added way to many details that would make it clear to him that this is about us if he ever happened upon this post. And I have no idea how badly he would react if he found out about this mainly because I don’t even speak to our family about our issues much less thousands of strangers on the internet.

So if I decide to leave it up, the update will be here and if not, again thank you so much for the kind words and advice I needed to hear whether it be the uplifting comments or the harsh reality comments- they’re all appreciated. I also just bought the audiobook version of the book so many recommended “why does he do that” and am starting it now. I will update when I finish it.

Update: Father’s Day is coming up. Me and my daughter don't plan to spend time with him and he’s mad. I just got a text saying “it’s literally Father’s Day, just want to see y’all but nvm.” And it honestly sucks that he’s trying to make me feel bad for giving him the same amount of attention he gave me on mothers day.

I said the exact same thing to him begging to spend time together on Mother’s Day and was met with anger.