'AITA for telling my husband to leave after years of him threatening to walk out?'
"AITA for telling my husband to leave after years of him threatening to walk out?"
I am 42F and my husband is 44M. We have been together since 2010 and married since 2014. We co-founded a company together. He is the technical partner, and I somehow ended up running everything else such as operations, admin, finance, HR, and client management. I am also the majority shareholder.
For years our fights have followed the same pattern. Whenever there is conflict, he threatens to leave. I have lost count of how many times I have heard him say he is done or he is leaving.
Every time, I would calm him down, reassure him, and try to fix the situation.
This time I could not do it anymore.
The argument started because he messed up a client schedule. When I pointed it out, he immediately blamed a staff member even though he never gave them the information they needed.
This is something he does often. If something goes wrong, it is rarely his fault. Things escalated very fast. We both yelled. I am not pretending I was calm. I was tired and frustrated.
In the middle of the fight, he said again that he was done and wanted to leave our home. For context, the home is a company-owned unit and not a personal marital property.
After hearing that same threat for years, I snapped and said, "Alright. If that is what you want, then leave. You have 48 hours."
That is when everything flipped.
Suddenly I was the cruel one. He said I was throwing him out, that I did not care about his mental health, and that I was abusing my position as majority shareholder. I have never used my role against him in any way.
Then he said he would not leave unless the company paid for the accommodation he wanted. The place he wants is far more expensive than anything we would approve for anyone else. We even have a decent temporary unit ready, but he refused it because he said he would not live there.
At the same time he still has full access to company systems such as admin accounts, technical files, client information, and company-issued devices. I told him that if he leaves, he will need to turn over the company property. That is basic protocol and nothing personal. He said I was punishing him.
The reality is that this fight did not come out of nowhere. It is the result of years of the same dynamic. He becomes defensive, positions himself as the victim, minimizes what I and the staff do, and every task he cannot keep up with eventually becomes my responsibility.
Every major argument ends with him threatening to leave. This time I did not soothe him. This time I said he could go. Now he is telling people I am the cold, heartless wife who kicked him out and used my position against him.
From my side, it feels like I finally set a boundary after years of emotional exhaustion. So, AITA for giving him 48 hours and telling him he would need to return company property if he leaves?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA. He was trying to emotionally manipulate you for years, and now that you stood up for yourself, he's searching for other victims to manipulate (hence talking to others about "how mean you are").
And if you both go separate ways in the end, just take this as a lesson to not get in professional business with someone who has a close, personal connection to you, be it a romantic partner, a parent, a close friend, or an offspring you might have in the future.
It often ends up bad because there's always power imbalance in it, whether the power is being abused or not because this power imbalance gets in people's subconsciousness, and for those who can't separate personal relationships with professional relations (like your husband), their subconsciousness gets them acting messy.
Fedupfemmethis2025 (OP)
You put something into words that I’ve been avoiding admitting. It really is tough when your partner doesn’t treat you right professionally, because it does spill into the personal side no matter how hard you try to keep them separate.
I’ve carried a lot of resentment quietly for years because I kept telling myself it was just “work stress,” but it affects everything at home too. Seeing someone point it out so plainly makes me realize how much I’ve been holding in.
NTA, of course not. He's been using that threat against you to manipulate you for all these years, so he's mad that it's lost its power over you. The only thing he's a victim of is his own manipulativeness. Good riddance to the mentally abusive loser. Because he's abusive though, please watch out for your safety. Abuse escalates rapidly at times like these.
Fedupfemmethis2025 (OP)
Thank you for this. Every time I call out something he does, he tells me I’m the one abusing him, which has honestly made me question myself so many times and almost believed him.
He always frames himself as the one who’s hurt or neglected, even when he’s the one who escalated or created the problem in the first place. I think I got so used to cushioning everything for him that I didn’t realize how much he relies on flipping things back on me whenever he’s confronted.
This whole situation just made it clear how long that pattern has been happening. I appreciate the reminder to be careful too. I’m taking things step by step and trying not to let him rewrite what actually happened.
OP, I'm also a business owner who employs my husband. If you're giving him 48 hours, you need to give him a legit separation notice and cut off his access to all those things he has access to.
He could, if he were vindictive, figuratively blow up your company using his access to clients and and admin, etc. If you employ a family member, you need to be able to fire them if it's not working out.
He's already making you the villain, so it's not like you'll get a bad reputation for doing the right things for your business. He's already making it "almost" as bad as it could be with your friends and family. It needs to not bleed out the rest of your business. Be careful.
Fedupfemmethis2025 (OP)
Thank you for this perspective. What’s throwing me off right now is that he doesn’t seem to be preparing to leave at all. He spent the entire day acting like things were normal. I only talk to him about business matters now, but he keeps trying to make small talk like the whole fight never happened. It honestly makes me think he was bluffing.
Reading about his behavior made me tired. He can’t accept personal responsibility under any circumstances. Boot him.